My child of 19years does not want to stay in the house, what can I do?

Question

He has been out in the street now for over two months. He comes to the house at times but he no longer stay in the house.

Answer 1

the only thing i can say is to let him continue to do it but show him love and ask how he is doing and don't press him to come home... he will eventually see the light and come home..

Answer 2

He is 19. You cant do anything but let him know you are there for him and hope that one day he realizes needs to have a home. Is there maybe a reason he wont come home? I am 22 and left when I was 19 too because I had no freedom. My parents didnt realize that all they needed to do to keep me home and happy was to stop treating me like I am 10. I didnt want to have a curfew, none of my friends did. I didnt want them to be able to tell me if I can do things or not. I hated having to ask permission to live my life. Maybe if you talk with him and find out what he needs for him to WANT to stay at home, you guys can work something out so you are both happy. You will know he is safe and he will have somewhere to sleep.

Answer 3

Well for one even though he is still your 'child' he is not one, he's an adult and maybe its time you hold him accountable for his actions as an adult. I am sure you love him very much and are concerned for his welfare but allowing him to disrupt your lives when ever he feels like it or needs anything is more determintal to him than to you. Its time for him to face reality and grow up, no matter how hard it is for you to do so you need to set up some basic rules...one no more helping him financially, two no more allowing him to come and go as he pleases, three he gets a job and pays his own way or he does without. Understand the situation as it stands is bad for you but it is keeping him from growing as an adult, take a stand, love him, support him but do not coddle him. Growth for any of us is painful but strife, enduring bad times makes us grow and usually for the better. Most people mature by enduring bad times and its now your sons time to grow. Its obvious since he has been out on the street for two months that he can if needed to take care of himself and it sounds as if he has some place he's staying he just doesn't want you to know where it is. Bottom line he isn't going to starve or go without. Hang in there....good luck.

Answer 4

Tough love is rarely the best option when dealing with older kids. Try to make your home as comfortable, loving, and accepting place to be as you can. At the end of the day, the choice is his on how and where he wants to live his life. If you show that you are supportive and will love him unconditionally, eventually this will get through. If this still leaves you worried, try and find out why he stays out on the streets and if he is any real danger; in which case, more immediate action might need to be taken. He might be putting himself in harm or might just be trying to find himself.

Answer 5

At nineteen, he can legally make those kind of decisions for himself. Unless you can have him declared mentally incompetent (That is very hard to do without his cooperation), the only control you have in your situation is whether or not you let him stay with you.

Think about that. You can either kick him out of the house, forcing him to get a job and take care of himself, or, you can allow him to return, anytime he wants, without penalty, which helps reinforce his irresponsible behaviors.

I am not being rude, here, or making judgements, but, if YOU are unable to make the kind of decisions that help him and you, then you need HELP to gain the tools and skills needed. I suggest you both seek counseling, or, at least, get some for yourself.

The kind of answers you get here, on Yahoo Answers, will be woefully inadequate, since no one here knows enough about you and your son's relationship.

Answer 6

At 19 years old, he's an adult. From a legal standpoint, there is nothing you can do.
My suggestion would be to start charging him rent. Your obligation to provide him with shelter ended when he turned 18. If he wants to make his own rules at your expense, make him pay for that privilege (and it is a privilege, not a right). Don't be a pushover. If he wants the rights, he can take responsibility.

Answer 7

When you say out on the street. Do you mean with no home if so then he obviously is harbouring some kind of problem. Have you tried to get him/her some councelling. If he has somewhere to go then his/her life is her own and he/she must get on with it. Let him/her know that the door is open. Good luck

Answer 8

In general, you can't force an adult to live with you.

If he is mentally ill, you may be able to force him into getting treatment and then after he is healthy he may want to stay with you rather than on the street.

Answer 9

Is he taking drugs? Do you try to control him when he is there? He is an adult now and you have no control over him. But if he is going to be like that through his stuff out on the porch, and tell him to get a job and his own place to live. It must be driving you nuts.
honestly sounds like he has stuff going on. Do him a favor and find out what is going on. He is your son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

If he's legally an adult, there's not much you can do. Are you sure that he's not having mental issues? Are drugs involved? Those are usually the two reasons people choose to be homeless.
good luck to you.

Answer 11

If he doesnt want to stay in the house then help him find an apartment somewhere one that he can afford with his money.