when your children talk constantly about the other parent when they are in your care? (Daddy bought me this, daddy did that, daddy's dating so-and-so, daddy took me here, daddydaddydaddy...) My daughter is 4 - how can I get her to realize the time she spends with me is important also? We have 50/50 shared custody.
2006-08-04 06:15:12 · 9 answers · asked by Jylsamynne 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
It's so hard. I know it hurts like heck. But remember she is just sharing with you. She is not trying to hurt you. She loves you and is just talking like kids do. You are the adult, it's so hard to be mature when you are hurting or even angry. My kids actually spend most of their time with their father. I hate it. We have joint legal custody, but he has physical custody. When we divorced my 14 year old son wanted to live with Dad, the judge wouldn't separate the children, so my ex got physical custody. We only lived a mile a part at the time, so I saw the kids everyday anyway. The day our divorce was final, my ex annouced his engagement and that he was moving to TN, we lived in the ATL GA area. There was nothing I could do. He has way deeper pockets and on my salary I didn't have the money for a court battle. I still see the kids every other weekend, holidays and a month in the summer, but i do all the driving...5 hours there and 5 hours back. It's not easy. Divorce never is. I hear stories about my kid's lives in TN with their new step mom, who makes the younger ones call her Mom. Drives me nuts. But, I try to be as nice as I can. I love my kids.
Your daughter is only 4. She loves you unconditionally and when she is with her Daddy i bet she talks all about how wonderful and cool you are...Don't worry she will know how important the time she spends with you is, she's little right now. She can be influenced with toys etc. But when it comes down to it, you are her Mommy. She will always love you. You have nothing to worry about. Good Luck
2006-08-04 06:32:29 · answer #1 · answered by sleepless in the ATL 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she were older it would be easier. However being 4, she doesn't understand the dynamics of everything going on. Just learn to turn a deaf ear to it, try to change the subject or tell her gently that you really don't want to talk about Daddy right now.
BTW, it's a good chance that she's probably doing the same thing to dad, so I wouldn't take it too hard. Its annoying but you're going to have to learn to move past it.
2006-08-04 06:29:49 · answer #2 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to get over it. She's a little girl who loves her daddy. Instead of worrying about how much fun she is having in her dad's care, why not focus on being the best parent you can be while she is in your care. After all, it's not the presents that she'll remember when she is grown, it's the quality time that you and her dad spend with her that matters.
2006-08-04 07:40:24 · answer #3 · answered by Claire 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she wants to share with you - she is only 4 years old and doesn't understand that it might hurt your feelings. you should say to her "that is wonderful, I am so glad that you love your daddy and that your daddy loves you" then take her in your arms and let her know that you love her too and spend some quality time with her. If she is feeling love when she is with both of you than you should have nothing to worry about!
2006-08-04 06:49:17 · answer #4 · answered by lady left the tramp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is too young to realize that now. Trust me, that will change. My daughter is 12 now. She doesn't do that much anymore. I make it a point not to criticize him in any way, because she needs to make her own decision on what kind of parent he is. You need to make sure you do the same. Eventually she will understand that you love her, and you aren't trying to buy her love. Don't try to compete with the things that he buys for her or does with her. You will only encourage the child to play you against each other. There is no real way to deal with it, except let her talk. She will get tired of it eventually. And you will be the better parent for it.
2006-08-04 07:51:33 · answer #5 · answered by Mary J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She knows Daddy will get her things, kind of like buying her love and she is letting you know this hoping you will up the ante on your end. Don't worry about it. She'll stop talking like that as she gets older. She is only 4 so she can't be expected to know what hurts you and what doesn't.
2006-08-04 06:22:25 · answer #6 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Patiently listen until she winds down, then gently change the subject to a different matter. Perhaps she's "filling you in", since her parents aren't together. Respond with "I'm glad you & Daddy are having fun, now we can have fun, too!" Good luck, been there, done that. It does get better as they get older:)
2006-08-04 06:25:18 · answer #7 · answered by gayle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can just about guarantee you when she is with her daddy she is talking about her mommy. I come from a divorced home and me and my sister both did the same thing.
2006-08-04 06:25:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children don't naturally talk that way, it is the way they are brought up. My children never did.
2006-08-04 12:36:33 · answer #9 · answered by peppermint_paddy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋