me and my ex had been together for 4 1/2 yrs..in the last year i bought a house and we moved in together. things were great till the last 3 months or so, she really was freaking out. Saying her mind is not right, she is confused,lost, depressed. Manic depression runs in her family and im pretty sure thats what she is going through, well thats what everyone has told me. She moved out and is living with her best friends sister. I know she hates it there she has told me. Also she still tells me she loves me and that no one will take my place. I think right now she is just really scared of what i represent to her, that being a stable future. She comes from a VERY disfunctional family, and 2 bad past relationships. But the worst part is she is drinking and smoking again, and she wont talk to anyone about her problem. i love her more than life itself and want her back, she says she will back back "when she gets her head right"....how long do i wait, and she is not seeing anyone...
2006-08-04 05:41:56 · 22 answers · asked by marsman456789 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She's right, she sounds really messed up and she needs to figure out her problems before you two get back together. You should try to convince her to go to counseling and work things out. manic depression can be treated with therapy and medicine, so there's still hope for her. While she's going through this you need to be a good friend to her and someone she can always talk to. What doesnt' kill a relationship will strengthen it, if you two come out of this together then you know you're meant to be together forever.
2006-08-04 05:46:51 · answer #1 · answered by jellybean24 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is she? Every girl I have ever known will go through these phases. I don't know what I want baloney, especially when they turn 21. Things start to settle down to normal at around 25. If shes older than 25 already, then maybe she never got to experience those partying and drinking alot phases when she was younger and wants to enjoy it now. I don't know much about Manic depression, but if she truly wants to work things out, offer to take her to counseling and go with her as a couple. Work on things between the 2 of you and not focus on her because of her depression. If things are meant to be, then it will work, if not, remember that if you let her go, if it is true love, she'll eventually come back. Warning: This is advice from a guy. Every woman on the net is probably cussing me right now for such bad advice, but this is what I would do. Right or Wrong... who knows, but I'd be a millionaire if I knew how women thought.
2006-08-04 05:50:42 · answer #2 · answered by daveypa22 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You for sure need to give her some time and space. There is no set "waiting period" you have to wait as long as you want to. Be there for her and be her friend. Still talking and acting like you're together will not work. It needs to be one or the other. Let her know how much you care for her and you will always be there for her. Wait for a few weeks/months and see how things pan out. If you feel it isnt gonna get better then move on. Good Luck.
2006-08-04 05:47:14 · answer #3 · answered by taz4x4512 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch!
This situation sounds WAY too close to home! I went thru a similiar experience with my ex who was bipolar. All of a sudden he left, said he loved me, said maybe we could get back together when he got 'straightened out'....whatever that means. He wasn't seeing anyone else either....just wanted to be alone.
You need to know that she may never get her head on right. She prolly knows this and doesn't want to inflict her mental illness on you. You might think that you're willing to live with her and her condition no matter what because you love her. Maybe you can. I'll just tell you that I realized a year after he and I broke up that he was right all along. He was trying to save me from himself. Unfortunately, medication hasn't worked for him and he's tried to kill himself numerous times. Bipolar disorder often gets worse over time, not better. I love him still, but when I look at the situation honestly....I'm glad we didn't end up getting married. He's not capable of having the kind of life I want for myself. He's not a bad person, just suffering from an illness that renders him incapable of having a normal relationship. I'm not a bad person for wanting a normal relationship.
I'm actually thankful to him for leaving the relationship, because I wouldn't have, and I would have been miserable.
I can't tell you what to do, your situation is unique to you. Just take care of yourself and be honest with yourself. You can't go wrong.
2006-08-04 06:00:43 · answer #4 · answered by Miss. A. Laneous 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love her you will give her the space she needs...Sometimes things happen too fast and she may have got scared...At least she isn't seeing anyone else and she is with a freind...Don't worry she will be back soon , just needs space
I think you are right ..she comes from a disfunctional family and she is afraid something is going to go wrong..But remain cool and let her know that you are there for her
2006-08-04 05:50:01 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello, i am sorry that you are having these problems, well i know that you love her and that you want her in your life right now, but obviously thats not the right place for her right now. being away from her is hard and you worry about her, but she is old enough to make her own concious decisions. i think that there is only a certain amount of time before your heart aches for that love from someone agian. do not give up your happiness just because you are hoping that she will come back to you. you can not wait around forever good luck to you
2006-08-04 05:48:47 · answer #6 · answered by sunshine girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she doesn't seek help from a professional I don't think she will come back. It sounds to me that she doesn't want to help herself or take care of herself which will just lead to a downward spiral and she wont bother until she hits rock bottom. Try and talk her into going to a doctor, if she is manic they will be able to prescribe her meds to control this I have seen this a lot with my family. I wish you the best of luck just be patient and help her as much as you can
2006-08-04 05:48:48 · answer #7 · answered by fire_fly0434 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok manic depression runs in my family and i have grown up arroung my mom trying to commit suicide right in front of me so i can understand where you are comming from. even though it runs in the family, she can still CHOOSE to be happy, and not depressed 24/7. i know this because that is what i have chosen! and i havent tried to kill myself, so its working pretty good. back to the point, she neeeeeeeeeds to talk about her issues. find out where she is getting all her depression from. from my mom, it was her family. everyone in her family labeled her as the "slut" (and she wasnt) and her father dis-owned her. because she had issues with her father, she went out lookning for a guy to fill her fathers shoes (not another dad but a boyfriend that was like one) and they usually ended up making her life worse. your girlfriend has obviously had a rough life. and the fact that she wont talk about it is BAD verrrrrry bad. if she dosnt get it off her chest, grieve it, then except it things will only get worse and worse.
please tell her to do what my mother never did, dont ignore her issues but get her to talk about her past untill she crys, then you know what is causing her depression. after you know that, then tell her she needs to grieve it. this is the painful part, and it can take years and years, but be patient, and help her through it. after she is done grieving, then she needs to except it. that will take some time to, but after she will be so much happier.
there are five stages in what is going to happen. #1 denial. she is in that stage now because she wont talk about her issues. #2 anger which then leads into #3 depression and grieving and #5 exceptance and moving on.
good luck and i hope everything works out
oh ya, pray, that will help. you may not think it will, but god does his little things to help. even if they are so small no one notices.
2006-08-04 05:58:28 · answer #8 · answered by kiss the cook 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 4 1/2 years, I would think that she wouldn't be afraid of commitment.. that's what it sounds like to me. Maybe all that went on.. you buying a house and ya'll moving in together made her realize that she needs to think about all this. Just give her time.. hopefully, she will come back around.
2006-08-04 05:46:35 · answer #9 · answered by kat81886 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her something like this "(whatever her name is), I really love you to death. You have no idea how much want you back. I hate it that you are smoking and rinking and don't even let me in to help you out with it. I know it has to do with the depression. I am not like your ex-bfs and I want to prove to you that I just want to be with you, whatever happened in the past, it's the past. I am not like them. I just want you and safe away from alcohol and smokes. If you really love me, come back to me. I am not going to force you but you are always welcome and I will wait. You can just tell me what's on your mind and what is going on, instead of running away from it. I will listen to it. I love you." .......if that doesn't work, I don't know what else to tell you. Good luck!!!
2006-08-04 05:49:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋