i have recently fallen for a friend of mine. he is a great guy, but is incredibly shy with women in a romantic sense. in fact despite being 28 he has never had a serious relationship. he and i flirt quite a bit when we are out just the two of us but when there are others there he is a lot quieter. i also know he is in love with another friend of ours but she is not interested in him at all. i want to make a move but i don't want to chase him off. our friendship means a great deal to me but i can't stop thinking about him. should i make a move and if so how should i go about it?
2006-08-04 05:35:08 · 44 answers · asked by queenjoef 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hell yes go for it, I've been with my girlfriend for 6 months, we work together. She had to do all the chasing, i'm just too shy, I hate rejection. I wasn't sure at first but now I absolutely adore her. She asked me to the football on Valentines Day! What a woman!. "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with". I quite fancy Penelope Cruz but never going to happen, he needs to move on. Ask Him!!
2006-08-04 10:26:34 · answer #1 · answered by Nicholas M 1 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Why would you WANT to be someone's second choice? Even if you could draw his attention away from the other person, what would be the point? But I think there may be a possibility you're mis-reading the signals here.
I think the best thing you can do it to come clean. Tell him you like him and you're interested in a romantic relationship. Don't be too coy about it - some boys just aren't that clever when it comes to such things (I tend to be one of them!). If he decides he'd rather chase after clouds than have someone who wants him back, I say you're better off without him as a boyfriend. And by being honest, you're most likely to just keep him as a regular friend in any case!
Hope that helps. Good luck!
2006-08-04 05:41:40 · answer #2 · answered by Doctor Why 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gosh, this is difficult! he must trust you to be comfortable around you in that way and perhaps the fact that you are not hitting on him all the time, means that he can really be himself, but he must be socially very introvert with larger groups of people. (which is not a bad thing, just part of his personality)
If he is in love with a friend of yours, then I would say dont ruin a good friendship - after hitting on him, you will find it very difficult to build up a relationship on the same basis as you have now, if you ever can - that is of course if he rejects you.
If you really, really, really fancy him for more than a few shags, then go for it, but dont be surprised if things get awkward if it ends after that. If u just want to be that first relationship that is serious then give it a miss and value a friendship - true friends are very hard to find that span years, if you have one of these then take it for what it is and feel blessed.
2006-08-04 05:45:03 · answer #3 · answered by Moi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, don't make a move.. why would u wanna be 2nd.. that's what u'll be cause he can' thave ur friend.. why would u wanna push up on someone that's interested in ur friend?? it doesn't matter that she doesn't feel the same way, it'll probably turn out to be a disaster..
i say u start off fresh and push up on someone that maybe interested in u..
u say ur friendship means a great deal to u, then what u need to do is remain his friend and lend a good ear..
did u even tell ur friend that he likes that u want to hit on him?? u should let her know how u feel to.. there r rules when it comes to men that u should abide by amongst friends...
2006-08-04 05:44:10 · answer #4 · answered by Queen D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd suggest you do it because it is better to have tried to make a move and have nothing happen than to have alway wished you did. And if you're both close friends then he probley has feelings for you or might be too shy to make the first move on you. Either way, if he doesn't welcome the advance I am sure he will forgive you. But one this is for sure, you should persue this attraction you have for him or else it will eat you up inside...I've fallen for a friend before and tried to take it to the next level myself. She just wanted to be friends and that's all we ended up being but I was very happy that I at least tried.
2006-08-04 05:42:59 · answer #5 · answered by Clayton B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is probably worried about chasing you off.
We men are simple creatures and the primal urge will over come any of his sensibilities.
GO for it!!!
I bet he will be pleasantly surprised.
I was quite the shy lad my self but fortunately Girls where I was from were very liberated and never shy about showing me how they felt.
Lucky for me my wife did that or I would still be looking for some one she was bold and the right one.
5 years later and the next 20 will be even better but never would have happened had she not had the bottle to tell me what she wanted.
2006-08-04 05:44:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably should try it. He might surprise you. He would probably appreciate it more than you or he would imagine. He would probably reward you in some real and great ways that you can't even imagine. Maybe get a few beers and just go somewhere private and don't rush it. Allow lots of time, do it right. If it doesn't work out, you can still be friends.
2006-08-04 05:39:39 · answer #7 · answered by kurticus1024 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Coming from a guy, I would say that you should sit down with him and express your feelings. Tell him how you feel and ask him if he would like to try getting to know you and him better. Go slow, see if the two of you click. Remember, you can have sex by yourself or with anyone for that matter, but wouldn't it be much better with someone that you know has feelings and commitment to you? That type of "sharing" is priceless. I have several female friends that have approached me and we talked. Being that I was not "physically" attracted to them did not offend them. I think that they respect me more for being their friend and more so for being honest. Give it a try and good luck....
2006-08-04 05:57:38 · answer #8 · answered by gary t 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes seduce him. Get him alone. Hopefully at your place. DO NOT go at it with candlelite dinner & lingerie. Use other methods.
Watch a movie together with a bottle of wine on the couch and snuffle up to him. If the movie has a steamy love sence or two it will help.
2006-08-04 05:39:59 · answer #9 · answered by Jeff C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say he's in love with someone else? And you have fallen for him? So now you are thinking about seducing him?
Are you thinking that you can use sex to make him like you? If you do, you are kidding yourself.
Why do people think they're in love with someone who is not into them? It's called INFATUATION, but it's not love...
Love is a MUTUAL, confident, trust, respect, and acceptance. It's when you have no doubt about how the other person feels about you. It is comfortable and reassuring. It makes you feel good about yourself....
Why do people think that they can make someone else like/love them? I understand that it gives a person a feeling of power and validation to pursuade someone else to do something, but to make them FEEL something? Don't you want someone to want you, and because it'e THEIR idea?
You value yur friendship with this guy, so just accept how he feels, even if it's not having the same feelings for you. He might come around on his own if he feels comfortable and accepted by you.....or maybe if you just told him how you feel....
Before you tell him, ask yourself, do you really like him or do you just want him to like you?
Take care!
2006-08-04 06:10:09 · answer #10 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋