PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! Wedding help!!!!!!!!!!!?

Question

So Mom and I have been having this aurgument about who to invite to MY wedding, she insisted on inviting people from out of state whom I have no seen since I was 3, so of course I don't remember who they are!

I advise their was not enough room for these people to come! Mom insisted that we need to invited to be polite and THEY WOULD IN NO WAY ACTUALLY TRAVEL TO COME TO OUR WEDDING!

Well you can guess the rest! They are comming so now I have a hall that holds 125 people and 140 attending....?

So now of course it's my fault because I booked the small hall... I wanted a small wedding, since I am paying for most of it! Mom is not helping out at all.

what would be the polite thing to do in this situation? PLease Help!!!

The wedding and reception is being held at a little banquet hall that's legal max is 121 people! Mom refuses to pay for another hall or anything, aparently it's my problem to figure out. I'm out of $ and cannot even go on a homeymoon at this point let alone switch halls.

Answer 1

Easy breezy Ms. Groom. Just talk to 10-12 of your friends (they should be like childhood friends mainly), and explain the situation ot them, after they haev heard you out, ask them to stand near the walls of the wedding, kinda like the way secrurity guards do. If anyone asks why they are doing this, just say "????????"
well, you can ask a new question asking what you should say. Hope I helped :)

Answer 2

First calm down. I paid for my own wedding too, but I kept control of the guest list. But that is a moot point.

Okay...you have 15 extra people coming. Nothing much you can do, other than make sure they have 1)a place to sit and 2)food to eat. You cannot un-invite wedding guests, but there are always people who don't show. You better alert the staff at the hall, unless you think they will kick you out. Then, just act surprised when they are too many people.

Next, hit your mom up for the cost of the extra 15 people she insisted you invite. This was to be your day, your way; the least she can do is help pay for the "overage." However, don't, DON'T let this ruin your day. Concentrate on your husband to be and you; someday in the future, you will want this to be a happy memory, not one that makes you angry.

If your mom can't cover the cost, maybe she could do something else like bring extra food, accommodate some of the guests, etc. Again, we are only talking 15 people. Not worth ruining your wedding day over!

God bless & Peace.

Answer 3

I had a VERY similar experience. Neither of our families helped pay for the wedding. We invited too many people (many from out of town) thinking that many weren't going to travel all the way to us. But in my case, we didn't realize that we had overbooked the room. About 15 people that we invited didn't RSVP -- they just showed up! :)

Here's my advice...

To begin with, don't panic. Take a BIG DEEP BREATH. I'm not typically an optimist, but just remember that there are MUCH worse things that could happen. Overbooking your wedding happens more often than you'd think.

Next, remember that things always seem to come up at the last moment for wedding guests. Chances are you can expect at least 6 people to be no shows. There's even a fairly decent chance that it'll be more like 15. And if that happens, you're in the clear.

But just in case, try talking to the hall to see if there's anything they can do. Sometimes, they can come up with some creative ideas to get everyone squeezed into the location by moving things around (i.e. wait until people are done eating and then take down some tables to make room for the dance floor). Otherwise, they might have an adjoining room that could be used.

But if all else fails, just order more food / drink and when it comes time to do your toast, joke with your guests about how your wedding is so popular that it's standing room only!

It'll work out. Don't forget -- it's your wedding. Have some friggin' fun!!!

Answer 4

Oh wow. I am so sorry about this. What your mother did was very unacceptable and ridiculous. I don't know if she would go for it, but you should explain your situation to her and suggest that SHE pay for a bigger hall. You will have enough expenses already with house payments or rent, car payments, and you and your fiance may even be planning to have a baby sometime soon. I don't really think that you could uninvite anyone, as they would most likely be extremely offended. I don't know if there would be some type of fee for cancelling your reservations on the hall, or if you would get your money back or not. If you ended up getting a new hall, I would definately say that your mother owes you the money it cost to reserve that, and if you didn't get your money back from the other hall, then she would owe you that too. That's the fairest thing I can think of, and hopefully she will cooperate. I'm sorry that this happened to you, but it should be no reason for you not to enjoy your wedding. Best of luck!

Answer 5

Well, the actual ettiquette of that situation is that since you are paying for the wedding you get to invite the guests. It is cordial to invite close family (Uncles, Aunts, Cousins.) If your mother has insisted that you invite distant relatives or distant friends of the family that you don't know...then she is wrong.

I am sure that your wedding will be successful, regardless of how many people show up. The balance of 15 people you are talking about should not be an issue, as many people that go to the church will not follow through to the reception. Hopefully, your mother is correct and those distant relatives do not show up.

If you have ample time, you could have your mother hold a separate reception for you at her expense for you to celebrate your marriage with guests of her choice.

If you don't have ample time, contact your hall and see if they can either rent you another room or a bigger room. Sometimes they have smaller meeting rooms that you can branch out into (even if it is just to put people in to eat (or perhaps move the bar in there (so people in the main room will be coming and going keeping the room thinned out. )

Answer 6

I UNDERSTAND how you feel. I am suppose to have a small wedding in Jamaica there was only suppose to be about 15 people now it's 45 +. What I decided to do is the people that I really don't know will not get an invitation (b/c I have not sent them out yet) I hate to do that b/c they know that I am getting married and they are my mother's friends, but it's my finance and I wedding and "we" are the only 2 paying for it. Moms need to understand that certain things are not cheap especially not weddings and receptions. There is no easy way of getting around it, you just have to put your foot down and tell her, like I did. My mother has tried to control every aspect of my life and now it's my turn to do what I want which includes my wedding. If you don't stop her she is going to try to control everything including your life (if she hasn't already).

Answer 7

Hello there - I know exactly how you feel. I too am getting married, but l et me know you honey---------do not let anyone stress you out on that day. This is your day. And it's only going to last for so many hours - and think of it like this - you are spending money for other people that may or may not be there for U and your new husband when you all need a helping hand. Think of it like as well----------the reception is just a party for other people - why sweat it to spend your money or other people - I'm sorry - kindly cnvey to MOM that you can't afford it and leave it at that - U can't pleaswe everyone - now when people start chipping in monmey for the costs --------andit does cost - let me tell ya - then youc an adjust your invite list - but honey child - the wedding is one day and then you have to live that thing - you should focus on the comittment U R getting ready 2 make to your husband andhow U can stregnthen that - now how you can strengthen your pocket book to invite folk to your wedding. Focus on how U can make it through the tough times - focus on your committment to GOD and begin to pray for HIS blessing over yuor marraige - those R the thigs that count - not who comes to the reception - who cares - about that - it's the comittment my siter

Blessings to U my sister

[e-mail]
Detroit, MI

Answer 8

You're in a bit of a pickle dear.
There is no way that you can un-invite these people who have decided to show up, now that they have RSVP'd and accepted your invitation. No way...that's just plain rude.
You're going to have to chalk this one up to a big, huge lesson and a modern mantra on other people wanting to run your wedding: if they don't pay, they don't say. It's as simple as that.
For your mother to say there is no way they'd come and you're just being polite was incredibly naive. It was also a blunder to continue with booking a hall foor 121 when you invited 140 (or possibly more). Always book a hall for the number of people on your invitee list, NOT a percentage or certain number of who you think will show. Otherwise, you end up in situations, well...like this one.
However, I also think your mother is being very selfish and incredibly shrewd by not helping you to pay for the difference in booking another hall - or at least the cancellation/change fee. This was at her urging, and because you buckled, she now has license to put the blame on your shoulders.
Best of luck to you.

Answer 9

Since they are already coming, you can't do anything but let them come. After all, you know that its immensely rude to let them go home just because there is no room for them. You need to tell your mom that she needs to find a way that the other guests will all be seated and comfortable. Since she insisted on inviting them, she has to look for a way to get them all comfortable. But in general, she doesn't have a lot of right to tell you who to invite because

one: its your wedding,
two: she knows perfectly well that there's not enough room,
and three: you're paying for most of it.

You need to book a bigger hall probably or change the seating arrangements in such a way that more people will be able to fit in.

Answer 10

Oh wow. I'm really sorry this is happening to you!

Unfortunately, though, once you've invited someone, you can't un-invite them....

However, chances are good that even if some people RSVP that they are attending, they won't show up. It's inevitable....

The proper and polite thing to do, of course, is to grit your teeth and not say anything.

When the day comes, celebrate your love with your new husband. Smile and thank every single one of your guests for coming. And try to look at the bright side: while it's annoying that you're in this situation, at least you have enough people who love you that they want to be there to celebrate your happy say with you! They're even willing to travel great distances to do it!

Seriously, congratulations to you and your fiance. Enjoy your day because it will fly by. Many happy years to you both.

Answer 11

See if you can get an adjoing room.

Make sure that the fire exits arn't blocked.

Smile and just get through it.

If Mom is a significant contributer to the costs of the wedding you probably were right to let her invite some key people. Now ask her to put up a little more cash for more space.

You can't uninvite the people. That is too rude.