We tried every thing to persuade her not to leave with him and even offered her an appartment which is attatched to our home so that she could have her independence. She has a good job here in spain and is a very clever girl.Where have we gone wrong?
2006-08-04 05:16:03 · 83 answers · asked by sleepo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
How much cocciane? is it just an experiemental try it and grow out of it thing or seriously...?
Also is this cocaine or crack... major difference.
Sounds like she is in her bad boy that parents hate phase only this one of more bad...
I have known many who tried a little coke a few times then got board of it and it was more a try this try that thing.
It may not be serious...
We need much more details.
Make sure she knows its ok to return.
That she can have boyfriends and bring them over.
Place more details... I can give you lots of info on drugs but thats not totally the issue here...
Bear in mind calling the cops may ruin both their lives ie possession, crim record etc...
But if he is a full on junkie or dealer she is best away from him but you trying to pull them apart may push her closer to him
http://www.drugscope.co.uk/
http://www.lifeline.org.uk/
http://www.talktofrank.com/
2006-08-04 07:11:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
At 16 you cant make her do anything. My big sister refused to move house with us when she was 17, there was nothing my mum could do to persuade her, she was adament that she was staying put with her boyfriend who was several years older than her.
My point is this - you can do nothing to make her stay, but you havent done anything wrong, every 16 year old thinks that they know it all, and i guarantee that when it blows up in her face, which inevitably it will, she will want to come home to mum and dad.
What will make this easier for her to do is if you treat her like an adult. Speak to her and explain that you aren't happy with her decision but you accept that that is what she wants to do. Make her see that you will be there for her whenever she needs you, and that you just dont want to lose contact with her over this. Then when it goes wrong, and i sincerely hope that when it does it isn't majorly wrong, she will find it easier to come home. When she does dont tell her you told her so, just give her the love and sympathy all teenage girls need when they get dumped.
I really hope this helps in some way, and i'm sure she'll be back home soon.
2006-08-04 06:38:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she knows he does drugs, you may have even a bigger problem. People do not get involved with other people they know are doing drugs if it is something they are against. If she does not know, don't tell her but rather show her. Check the laws in Spain to see if you can act on the fact that she is a minor. If she is not a minor, under your laws of your country, you many not be able to force her to do anything.
You have not necessarily gone wrong. Our children make mistakes the same as we did. If she picks a hard road, just be there when she realizes and comes back for your advice. Try to resist the, "I told you so", it will only make her mad. Be ready for one thing, what if she returns with boyfriend? Make a decision on that now and do not change.
Stay in contact with her. If he mistreats her you will what to know and you can't if the two of you have no contact. Best of luck to you.
2006-08-04 05:34:37 · answer #3 · answered by brenda c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the local laws. Report her as a runaway or if there is a chance of catching the boyfriend in the act of using cocaine call the police on him. Some times as parents there isn't much that we can do, we must let the child crash and burn. Hopefully she will come back before things get too far out of hand. As parents we seem to be there only to help pick up the pieces. We can hope for the best and remember that there isn't one good answer.
2006-08-04 05:23:53 · answer #4 · answered by rastus7742 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's underage. You can acuse the guy of kidnap. She might have left the house on free will, yes. BUT since she's still too young to pursue her own destiny, that turns him into a perverter. And persuation is NOT the solution to teenage rebelion. You HAVE to impose yourself over her. You're the parent, aren't you? Show her who's the boss. She OWES you respect. Still she has to put up with you whether she likes it or not for two more years, at least in the US where old enough is 18. But in PR it is 24. Don't know about Spain, but there must be a similar law.
And like First G says above, change the locks. If the guy is a drug addict, he'll probably turn your daughter into one and you'll have the both of them robbing your house to support their addiction.
2006-08-04 05:23:41 · answer #5 · answered by M'lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't know what the legal age is to be able to leave home in spain. Best ask for some information about this and what you can do about it. Once you know the legalities and options then make a decision. It may be there's nothing legally that you can do, if so don't drive her further away or more into his influence. Be patient she may then come home once she gets fed up of his habit and never having any money etc.
2006-08-04 07:24:15 · answer #6 · answered by xbkw46 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he over 18? Call the police. She cant run away. There is nothing that you have done wrong. Teenagers can be very strong willed. They usually have to touch the stove and get burned before they learn. The best lessons learned are the hardest to learn. Show you care and try and persuade her to come back hime, but she wont until she is ready. Im sorry and good luck.
2006-08-04 05:20:16 · answer #7 · answered by taz4x4512 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
doesn't seem like u've done anything wrong... it sounds like u love and support her very much. but u can't force anyone, even ur children, to do what u want them to do (even if u'r totally right!) because bad friends, bad boyfriends/girlfriends can fog up any common sense of an impressional young adult. love, or feelings of love, is blind and causes someone to make rash or bad decisions, all for that love even if it's bad for them!! i don't understand that.... love should be an awesome, positive, *healthy* thing... it should make u feel happy and euphorious, yes, but it should also make your life Better, where u can invite and live peacefully by bringing two families together, not tearing them apart.
my suggestion is to let her know that u love her very much, and even tho u don't agree w/ her decision, u care about her safety and want her to be able to use the apartment whenever she needs to....*but* she cannot bring her bf or the drugs to ur house. try ur hardest not to convey ur extreme hate or anger/frustration for her doing something "stupid", instead i think u should let her know u are disappointed cuz u expect and want the best for her, which is someone who will offer her a healthy, positive and happy lifestyle, not temporarily happy or dangerous. i think she will soon realize she is in over her head; 16 years old is not old enough to move out and live w/ a druggie! that's hard enough for a working woman to deal with, much less a young girl who is going to depend on him for most things. more likely than not he's going to make her unhappy, and she will need to know that she can come back to you w/o feeling ashamed. tell her u love her and want her to come back, always welcome, even if she makes mistakes, but that u need her to always use her head and be safe, no matter where she is, no matter who she's with, cuz no one else will take care of her and love her like you guys.... and she can leave later when she's in college! why does she have to leave now?? that's so sad.... :(..good luck.
2006-08-04 05:27:34 · answer #8 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't do anything but let her learn from her mistake. Just keep trying to get her to come home. I don't know the laws in Spain so I'm not going to suggest calling the police because for all I know she's not a minor there.
2006-08-04 05:23:28 · answer #9 · answered by jdscorrupted 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Legally she's still in your care. You can make her come home. Or let her see that the grass isn't greener on the other side. But I would recommend bringing her home if he's doing drugs it probably won't be long before she starts doing it too. She's still a child and you need to make that clear to her. Don't let her run the show your the mother. Take Care and good luck
2006-08-04 05:21:23 · answer #10 · answered by smorgan1124 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what the laws are in Spain. You may want to contact the police and ask them what you should do. Otherwise, the only thing you can do now is to make sure that she knows that she will always have a place to return to if she decides that this isn't right for her.
2006-08-04 05:20:33 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋