My girlfriend needs serious help and I don't know what to do!!?

Question

Her dad is sent here from hell, I am sure of it. He hit her about 2 months ago and she moved out. I stayed with her until she moved back home. She had to do that...1) To get ready for college, 2) Her crazy roommate decided to kick her out so a drug-addicted pill popper could move in. Her mom is so sweet and was so excited when her little girl came back home. Well the night she came back, her dad snatched up her car(which he gave her as a Christmas present) and now she has to get a ride to work, a ride home for lunch, and a ride home form work. I would do it but I work an hour away from where she does. She told me she isn't taking a lunch today because she has no way to get home to eat. Plus her building has no food. Well last night her dad got all mean and started calling her names, saying she was good for nothing, she can't do anything right. And do you know why?!!? Because all of her laundry wasn't put away yet and it was in her room!!!! So he says she won't get the car back at all.

And she's going to college in a week! How is she going to get around! I tried to taker her with me last night but she wouldn't go becaus she's afraid it would make things worse and her dad would wind up not paying for her college. Plus her mom refuses to leave him because she says she loves him but she cries too and gets told she's good for nothing and lazy. She works more than anyone I know. So I can't get her to leave, and I can't step in to help. What can I do? I feel so helpless right now. I don't want to see her hurt anymore, I wish I could get rid of that sorry a$$ f*cker right now so my girl and her mom would finally be happy.

And no, SHE ISN'T LYING!!! I have seen it with my own eyes. Are bruises and black eyes proof enough???!!!!

Her friend who usally takes her home for lunch called her this morning and said he couldn't make it. So it was very last minute.

Answer 1

My dad was kinda like that when I first started college...my suggestion to you is tell her to take a course at a trade school like Bryman college or something and get her degree ASAP...once she gets a degree from a trade school, she can leave...she actually work and do things for herself and not be as dependent on her parents (Dad). Also, tell her to pack her own lunch everyday, even its just a sandwich or whatever. Also, to be more independent she could try using public transportation and this way...her dad can't throw the car in her face...or keep taking it away whenever he feels. Also, tell her to get scholarships and etc. this way she can be less financially dependent on her parents. This will allow for her to be free and happy...and therefore have a happy relationship.

Answer 2

Hey...All you can do is what you can do. I'm sure if you could reach into her soul and drive out the demons of her past that still and may always haunt her to some degree, you would. But you can't. It sounds like you're doing very well at comforting her and that's a good thing. But I think she needs a different perspective from which to view things. She will probably be prone to turning her pain in on herself, and that's perhaps the worst thing. Maybe someone in your family, or if not, someone you know can be as a big brother/sister to her, to give her that different perspective. Show her just by being around and coming from a loving background, that she can be ok too...I guess kind of like a surrogate family she can trust...Trust is most important, coming from a background such as hers. And a loving male role model (older) to show her we're not all like her father....Sounds like she trusts you, and that's huge. You, because you love her may have to accept that one day she may be ready to move on, on her own to live the life that you have helped her achieve.....I wish you both all the luck and whatever good is still in the world...Peace........

Answer 3

1. You need someone professional to talk to about this situation, or the frustration will eat away at you so much you won't be much help to her. If you have a minister, start there. If not, call the local social services agency for a referral.

2. She need someone professional to talk to. Suggest she get an appointment with the counselling center at her college.

3. She needs to get away from living under her dad's roof. If she's going away for college, that's probably good enough for now. If not, she needs to leave, anyway, even if it means she has to get a job and start college part time. This guy's controlling and abusive nature is not going to get any better, and will probably get worse, now that she is an adult.

4. Forget the car. She can get along without it.

Answer 4

You know what?

This is a problem that has to be handled by her and her mom, not you.

If they both have no problem with being treated like that, that is their issue ... not yours.

Her mom has an equal say in the parenting issues and finances, and her dad can't just yank things away without her mom's consent.

Her dad does not rule the world, and if she and her mom stood up for themselves they wouldn't have this problem.

Is there any reason why your girlfriend cannot bring her lunch?

That seems awfully stupid of her to go someplace where there is no food and knowing that she doesn't have a way to get out and get some food, so she doesn't bring a lunch with her???

Answer 5

BREAK THE CYCLE of abuse. She needs go to college. I didn't have a car when i went to college. She shouldn't worry about him not paying for college for her, she can apply for financial aid via grants or loans. That in some ways would probably piss him off more cause he wouldn't be able to hold that over her head. As far her dad, i wonder how he has lived as long as he has. Cause if is that much of an asshole he will say something to the wrong one and that will be it..Ok back to you're girl friend. You do what you have to do to keep her mind on college, do let this asshole do or say anything that might make her have second thoughts.

Answer 6

The sad part about this is that there is nothing that you can do, besides watch from a distance, the hardest thing to do is watch someone you love go through pain and trouble and you are rendered helpless, truthfully as long as he has the influence that he does over her, it is nothing you can do, it really isn't your place, this is a lesson i had to learn myself, no matter how much you want to help, you are not in a position as to where you can, which makes things seem so much worse. I can just tell you to be there for her, when she needs a shoulder to cry on, or someone to talk to. You have to be that comforter and foremost pray for her, if there is anyone who can fix it God can.

Answer 7

It seems like you need to accept the situation but look at it as a temporary solution. The dad obviously knows he has power over his family, and it seems that is how he wins their affections. I think any confrontations will just worsen the situation. The best thing you can do is work on a long term solution. Plan what you can do when she is not living at home. Maybe you could get her a cheap car while she's at uni?
Failing that, just kick his ***

Answer 8

You all do.

Her mom is content living with her husband so let it be. Your girlfriend enjoys the privileges her father provides but seems not to be willing to abide by his house rules (wrong or right, cruel or odd). She had her car taken from her. Big deal. She works and needs a ride home for lunch; ever hear of "brown bagging" it?

Your girlfriend sounds spoiled...so continue on...really are you looking for sympathetic answers. Obviously there is more going on with your girlfriend and her family then your question gives detail.

If your girlfriend wants things paid for her then she has to deal with the source she is getting payment from. Otherwise tell her to go off to college and get student loans to pay for her education.

Answer 9

Wow, well don't do anything stupid with regards to the Dad. As for your girl, I don't know if there is anything you can do for her. How far away from work does she live? You could buy her a bike maybe? A bike is great for college too. Take it from me. Things like this are family problems that you have little control over.

Answer 10

Wow..seems like a lot of trouble. I recommend you have your girlfriend and her family see a psychiatrist.

Another alternative: hopefully you can convince your girlfriend's mother to leave her husband..he seems to be causing problems for EVERYBODY and you know what? HE's the one who's good for nothing!!! Seriously...she needs to leave him for the benefit of the entire family. Your girlfriend's dad is just a waste of time, and her mom hopefully should have figured it out by now. Your girlfriend should ask her mother, "What is it that you love about him? The way he slaps me or the way he yells at you?" That should probably get her thinking about it.

I really hope you guys get through it.