Ok here is the deal. My husband has a 8 year old daughter. I have a 7 year old son. So now we are a blended family. Jis daughter comes 3 times a week. We have rules in this house that my son has to follow.(my son is fultime) But when she comes she does not have to have the same rules. Because he says he never gets her and he will do what he wants with her! Recently his daughter now does not play with my son! they used to play outside and all over all the time. Instead now she has become a cling on to her dad. I cant even talk to my husband without her next to him. If he goes to the bathroom she waits by the door! He wants her to meet friends and stuff. But if he never says go out and play how will she ever meet anyone? am I being to pickey or is this normal! I just cant stand this new change and now they live a seperate life They wont even talk to me or my son anymore and they will go do things and never offer for us to go. i want to pull my hair out! What can I do?
2006-08-04 03:34:32 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She has been with me for 3 years now. My hubby and I are expecting a child in a few weeks now. We seek counsling and he will act like ok common rules fine. But when he gets home he says I am not doing that! I never tell her anything. I never tell her to knock it off nothing! I sit there to myslef. But if my son does something he will let me know very loud and say his daughter had no part in it even if she started it!! It drives me insane. I have talked with him and he says he does not get her so he will do what he wants! So now I am stuck!
2006-08-04 03:48:42 · update #1
Find a licensed psychologist or family therapist and get your whole family involved in treatment. Having different rules and expectations for children in the same house is a recipe for disaster.
2006-08-04 03:40:38 · answer #1 · answered by DAN H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have two kids of my own and a step-son. Whenever people ask, I have three kids. I treat all my kids equally and every one of them have the same rules. My step-son only comes every other weekend but he too follows the same rules and gets the same punishment when not followed. Your husband is being unfair to everybody involved in this situation. I would strongly suggest that you talk with your husband about this. If he doesn't want to change, maybe he needs to seek a counselor and hear it from a third person that his behavior isn't fair. Good luck with everything
2006-08-04 03:48:30 · answer #2 · answered by purpleama456 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if this blending of your two families is fairly recent, she could just be going through an adjustment phase. Give her some time; she's a little girl and really needs stability. Try to be patient with her, and don't take over the role of disciplinarian (it doesn't work). I ended up with a step father around the same age as her, and I remember feeling a bit of resentment, that he was going to try to take over my dad's responsibilities. Luckily, he kept to himself most of the time, otherwise it would have been a war in that house! If you approach the situation gently and don't appear threatening, she should adjust fairly quickly and start to show more independence. Help her feel secure in her new home.
2006-08-04 03:41:40 · answer #3 · answered by chamely_3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would start by looking to see what has changed recently in his daughter's life. It sounds like she is very insecure. The two of you need to work on making her feel secure again so she can expand her activities besides following dad around.
As for the lack of rules. That is something the two of you will need to work out when she isn't around. However, his attitude is very common for non-custodial parents. They don't want to spend the small amount of time they have with their children being disciplinarians.
2006-08-04 03:40:54 · answer #4 · answered by Erin S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. The best thing to do is talk to your husband when his daughter is not there so the two of you can have some privacy. If you can't establish any type of communication then I don't know that the problem could be resolved. I raised three step-kids when I got married, and my daughter is only 9 years younger than me, so we did have some issues. It got better after she got married and moved out because she could be the queen of her castle. But communication will be key in figuring something out. Best of luck.
2006-08-04 03:40:30 · answer #5 · answered by AZC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's natural for the child to feel that she's losing her father and it's natural for her to feel that she's losing him to the people who live with him full time. The best thing to do is to try to involve her in your life. Talk to your husband and ask if it would be okay for the two of you to just go out and do something - and when you do tell her that she'll always be a part of her dad's life and that you will as well and that you want to be there for her - not as a replacement mother - but as someone who loves her dad just as she does.
2006-08-04 03:39:32 · answer #6 · answered by Lex 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know EXACTLY where you are coming from, been there done that and I Stayed.. Let me tell you it will NEVER change, my step daughter is 21 now and still manipulating daddy and making my life miserable.. I mean it your story is mine.. You will end up VERY bitter in the end... He will NEVER see any of HIS daughters faults, and your son will suffer. I have 3 children that had to grow up knowing they were 2nd best and they still know it.. Get out while you can!!!!! For your sake and your sons!!! It only gets worse!!!
2006-08-05 20:57:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are facing a bad situation.....them against us.
If this is going to work then you need to blend awhole lot better than what's going on now.
I understand that he doesn't get to see his daughter everyday. He's like a million other divorced fathers. But at least she in in his life. But he's setting the stage for a spoiled and troublesome girl.
When his daughter leaves, sit your hubby down & tell him you need counselling. Unless you & he get on the same side.....
you can figure it out.
2006-08-04 03:43:44 · answer #8 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was like this when my Mom got remarried. It just takes some time. hope I helped!!
2006-08-04 03:44:34 · answer #9 · answered by ferniemagernie7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
discuss the situation wit himand let him know how you feel. and if that doesn't work maybe you should turn the tables on him when she is not there,maybe he"ll see and understand
2006-08-04 03:49:25 · answer #10 · answered by lovelady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋