Do you miss common courtesy and when did it die? and what killed it?

Question

I remember when people used to hold the door for others, or say please, thank you and excuse me when trying to pass by on a store aisle. I remember when most people used their blinkers and would actually let you over when you were trying to merge in traffic. So many common courtesies are not being practiced and I find it very sad.

Answer 1

I can completely empathize with your disdain for modern society’s abandonment of common courtesy and basic manners. I see it all around me. We are now immersed in a society whose individuals increasingly give no consideration for the values and rights of others. It is a “ME” centered culture. My biggest peeve is when you are talking to a friend and that friend answers a call from their cell phone in the middle of a conversation, and continues to talk for several minutes in front of you completely disregarding the fact that you are there. To me that is rude. I took the time to travel to a particular location to meet up with this person, and she gives the individual who calls her on her cell phone precedence over me. Wouldn’t it be polite to tell the individual on the phone that she will call them back because she is in the middle of conversation? Shouldn’t the person who took time out of his schedule to invite you to a conversation take priority over someone calling on a cell phone?

Another annoyance is when you have friends who are bilingual, and all of a sudden they start speaking in a foreign tongue to each other, while you are talking to them. They seem oblivious to the fact that a person who doesn’t have an understanding of that language, and who was previously part of the conversation, is now being excluded.

Several years ago most people knew that behavior like this was the mark of an uncouth individual. So you ask what has changed in our society that caused this sort of behavior to be so prevalent? The answer I believe can actually be linked to the feminist movement that took shape in the 60s.

Now before people get into an uproar and think that I am using the feminists as a scapegoat, they need to hear me out. I applaud many of the reforms made by feminists, concerning women’s suffrage, equal pay for equal work, and equal opportunities in education. These are things that women rightly deserve as equal human beings. What I detest is that many radicals within the feminist movement have mutilated the term equality to mean sameness, when they are not synonymous. The ramifications of this sort of worldview is that women not only seek the same rights as men, which they justifiably deserve, they seek to behave like men in every respect; even going so far as to emulate the juvenile behavior of men. With women mimicking the negative aspects of male behavior, that in turn, gives men little or no incentive to act in a genteel manner. Thus the cycle of ill manners goes on and on, feeding upon itself.

Furthermore, this predilection towards equating sameness with equality has caused women to marginalize the value of motherhood. Mother’s in every generation previous to ours always laid the foundations for manners, customs, and overall culture, by instilling those values in their children. Since, women now a days are more concerned with ascending the corporate ladder and accumulating wealth, than actually rearing their kids to be considerate of people, you will naturally see a population that is ignorant of basic manners or is apathetic to it. After all, when children see both parents preoccupied with status and material betterment, what priorities do you expect them to have outside of superficial ones?

I foresee a time in which whatever little remaining manners that are left will totally disappear. The inevitable result will be a society of people surrounded by sophisticated technology, but who lead unsophisticated lives. We have progressed materially and intellectually, but we are regressing morally and spiritually to the point that we are becoming more like animals. The scarcity of well-mannered people is the first symptom of an overall moral decline.

Answer 2

Dr. Stephen Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, says that over the last one-hundred years or so, there has been a shift in values within our civilization. A change from an emphasis on the spiritual Character Ethic - which is essentially striving to live by The Golden Rule - to the shallow Personality Ethic.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_Habits

Dr. Covery also says that it is okay to develop the Personality Ethic (looking good, speaking well, being able to manipulate others effectively), as long as it is a natural extension of the Character Ethic. When someone solely develops the Personality Ethic without a moral foundation, it essentially means being on an evil path.

This civilization is in a state of decline, has been for years, and eventually a new civilization will emerge. That is the nature of these "end times."

Courtesy did not die completely. It is still around but simply is not valued as it once was. Women, the ones who traditionally have been the moral backbone of society, have changed. Now many of them find it offensive if you treat them with old-fashioned courtesy. You are an exception to the rule.

Simply do the best you can to live by The Golden Rule and serve others, and you will be rewarded in The Light after death.

<< Life is a golden opportunity to live a spiritual life in a world of darkness. >>

http://www.near-death.com/experiences/research24.html

Answer 3

Common courtesy isn't completely dead, but it's certainly on life support... If you could hear the way some customers talk to me at work, you'd be as disgusted as I am. Not only do some of them talk to you like you're stupid, but I actually had one that cussed me out! There are a few decent people left, though, and I always make it a point to let them know I appreciate their civility and friendliness. There are some diehards trying to teach their children manners, but I find that it's unusual. Typically they throw tantrums or such and get whatever they want. Something is definitely wrong. These days I guess a lot of the time it's every man for himself...which is a sad commentary on society.

As for driving...people tend to drive like maniacs, and this is in suburbia! Heaven forbid you actually obey a posted speed limit... you have every idiot out there tailgating you! Directionals are becoming an endangered species, and even though there are state laws prohibiting it, I can't begin to remember all the times I've seen people yammering on their cell phones while driving. It's scary the way people behave these days behind the wheel!

How pathetic when you really think about it...

Answer 4

I moved from South Florida to Cleveland. I find people here are far more couteous. I think it has to do with having less of everything. We have fewer people, less traffic, less retail, less choices. I think people become overwhelmed by having too much and it leads to frustration and discontent. That breeds incivility.
Read the book "The Paradox Of Choice", it makes an interesting point about choices and happiness and people's attitudes.
I don't think common courtesy is dead. I find people still hold doors open for me, and I still do it for others. Many say excuse me, and VW just added a feature to their cars that allows the blinker to flash 3 times for a lane change.
So look for the good in people, it's there.

Answer 5

Common courtesy still is alive, I am visiting in the state of Indiana and have found very polite people. Doors are held,pardon me ,excuse me,please and thank you are alive and well here in the hearth land. Children actually say yes and no sir when they respond to or answer.
As far as the driving is concerned,while I have no trouble with getting out ,people will let you out ,or over.But you need special mental abilities (mind reader)as to the blinker use.and as to what the driver ahead of you is going to do at any given moment.But that seems to be universal problem. Not just Indy.I am in Carmel,IN just out side of Indianapolis and find people here and in the largest city in the state to be very well mannered as a whole. I am from scottsdale ,AZ,where people are nice but too busy to remember the common things.
I was taught to be well mannered as a child,and those manners and niceties were enforced as I grew older, and I feel perhaps the responsibility of the demise of politeness and just common decency can be laid at the parents door steps. My parents were my teachers and my models as to how to treat people.Most parents of children don't have or take the time for this education in manners . I also find that adults&old people ( I am in this catagory) can be just as rude as young people.
I for one will continue to be polite and well mannered and I hope those of you out there in this troubled world will try common courtsey its a great tool for better understanding
and acceptance. A lot more kindness and politeness is what this world needs to keep us human.

Answer 6

Surely, the sense of the courtesy you are mentionining is diminishing though not dying, thats I am confident. But the instant civilization is becoming a prototype virtually everywhere. Personally for me I am not ready to list myself in those categories where your saying is applied. I get similar joy and pleasure while welcoming the known and unknown friends (may be you are having this experience for yourself too) and also following those rules in traffic....it is coming from the bottom of heart and certainly no one should have a particular or specific training for this much nice behaviour. "Hello" is the loveliest greeting literally every language and it surely makes the other fellow with equally receptive manner. When I see full moon shimmering on a quite see, I do like to join the group who are watching the nature's magic with contended smiles on their face. I never felt any awkwardness while extending myself with the group and vice-versa. I feel nothing will go wrong under such circumstances.

In short let us not feel the world-shattering notions as there are lots among us who are ready to believe in the creation and necessity of virtuous qualities in everybody.

Don't find the situation sad....afterall roses are still blooming in garden with nicest smile.

Answer 7

Common courtesy is alive and well. You notice what you're looking for. I find people treat me very courteously, because that's how I treat them, and that's what I expect. I make eye contact and smile at people in stores, people hold the door open for me, and I do the same for them, etc. I'm also polite on the road, and get around just fine.

If someone acts rude, it's the exception, not the rule, and I just figure they're having a bad day.

I remember my ex-hubby often got treated rudely, and he saw way more road rage than I did, too. I think it's because that's what he was expecting, so he somehow sent out those vibes, and that's what he got.

Answer 8

It exists, it's just rare. I still (nearly) always hold the door if someone's right behind me, I say "please" and "thank you", and as long as they're signaling and not being a jerk, I generally try to help people changing lanes in traffic.

I'm not perfect or anything, but common courtesy doesn't require that. Hopefully maybe it'll rub off or something on others.

Regarding the above answer, why can't I hold the door for another man? I'm just holding the door, not asking him out to a motel room. Relax.

Answer 9

It started when people started thinking that they are so much better than everyone else. Foreigners can be very rude because they don't know Miss Manners, don't have to learn the language, & think again, that they are better than everyone else.
SUV owners & potential owners all know they are better than everyone else. Pay attention, next time you see something really, incredibly dumb or unsafe on the road, it will be an SUV 99% of the time. The bigger they are the worse they are. I recently saw one pass cars 3 times on a small, very hilly, country road that had double yellow all along it, because it was residential, not wide, & very hilly. Idiots like that will kill people with stunts like that, besides being very rude.
Another passed in a mall zone, & almost hit someone I was slowing to let cross the road! Idiots!

Answer 10

Two major events, and innumerable lesser events, have created the situation that you describe.
1. World War II. This event proved that women were as capable as men. They flew - as military pilots - military aircraft in combat zones. They worked in many jobs that were previously in the domain of men, such as drivers and factory workers. Millions of women left home and made their way in the world, in a way never done before - anywhere. To hold the door for them could be seen as silly. To consider them the weaker or inferior sex was an insult.

2. Women's Liberation. This event - tied to the first - continued the development of the new picture being drawn on the social fabric. Not only did women expect respect, they demanded equal treatment in law and the workplace. Laws and rules which were deemed unacceptable in 1848, now became targets of the women's rights movement and led to the success of the various legal efforts such as Title VII of the Civil Rights Act which barred discrimination in employment on the basis of race and sex.

The old rules of etiquette which portrayed women as weak and in need of the care of a man, were abandoned. But as they say, be careful not to throw the baby out with the bathwater! And this is what happened. Many other forms of etiquette were also abandoned. When people demand their rights, there is often a backlash and politeness and etiquette are often the first to go.

Answer 11

I agree completely! Even in my conservative state, I'm in one of the bigger cities and its such a relief to visit the smaller towns and see some common courtesy. There is just no excuse for not taking two seconds ou of your time to hold the door or say thank you. I really hope I'm raising my son better than that!