I'm really bad at sticking at anything, like college or work, can anyone give me any advice?

Question

I've started so many different courses at different colleges and had so many different jobs, I can't seem to finish anything and it's really having an effect on my life. I seem to never get anywhere and all my friends are furthering their careers or finishing university. I want these things for myself but the motivstion never seems to see me through and I end up failing all over again. I've tried speaking to other people about it but I thought I'd try you guys.

Answer 1

That's often the problem with a fear of failure - we would rather be in control of the failure than have someone else tell us we are not good enough.

I would sugest that you see a transactional analysis therapist. My guess is that you are under one of the following injunctions

"Be Perfect" - where we strive for perfection, or expect others to do so. We may use big words, tell more than we are asked to tell, Or cover all the bases. We would rather quit before the end than fail or not acheive perfection. - Instead, tell yourself "It's OK to be human; You don't have to make an impression." or "It's OK to make a mistake; It's OK to fail; It's OK to get dirty." You'll know which is most appropriate.

"Hurry up" - We have a need to do things faster, talk rapidly or more quickly. The person, when under this driver influence, believes that he must do everything "right now." He may interrupt people, thus "hurrying them up" to finish their sentence, glance at his watch frequently, or tap his fingers impatiently. They are usually late, or feel that they are late, often because they have spent so much time "hurrying" they have not actually acheived anything! The "Hurry up" driver leaves the person trying to get someplace else. His allower is "It is OK to live now, to take your time." "You have time to do anything you want to do." Instead of

"Try hard" - we may not answer questions directly, may repeat questions, pause, go off on tangents, or say things like "It's hard for me," or "I don't know" (when he actually does). "Try hard," the allower is "It's OK to do it; it's OK to finish what you're doing; it's OK to do it well; It's OK to win. I like you just like you are -- you are beautiful. Life can be fun."

"Please me" - where we feel responsible for "making" others feel good. We may agree freely with others. It may be important for us to be liked, and we may have an investment in getting the approval of others. We may look away before we answers questions, nod frequently, raise eyebrows, say "um hmm" often, or be interested in finding out "How am I doing?" We may also fail as we believe we are fulfilling others (or our own) expectations. When a person is in his "Please me," he needs to know it's OK to rely on his own judgments and to take care of his own needs. He needs to know he is lovable and his worth is not dependent upon other people's judgment. It is OK for him not to be responsible for other people's feelings. It is OK for him to accept the responsibility for his own feelings.

Answer 2

You say you're not "homesick", but you are. You miss that feeling of having "home", which means your friends, boyfriend, familiar places, family, and general familiarity. Long Distance Relationships are always hard. They do get a bit easier, but the longing is always there. The thing is, though, that you can't mope about it. Moping leads to depression which ultimately leads to you (or your partner) poking holes into the relationship due to your own unhappiness. Been there, done that, a couple of times. Things WILL get better for you. You need to give it more time. No one is completely adjusted after only 3 1/2 months or so, no matter how "together" they may seem. You can't expect everything to immediately feel as they did back home, obviously. Enjoy your Christmas break. See your family, friends, and, of course, your boyfriend. Use it as an opportunity to regroup mentally and emotionally. Then, go back next semester and keep at it. This IS what you want to do. This IS the school for you. You will make friends as you go on, and those friends will truly be "friends for life". It took me close to a year before I could open up to my classmates (I'm also a music major, and so I see the same people all the time), but once I did, I became so much happier. And the friends I've made are ones I will not ever forget.

Answer 3

perhaps you just haven't found what you really want to do yet. I am 30 and have had many different jobs and not finished so many college courses, not failed, just given up. I should be just about to start my third year of a degree but have taken a year out to have a baby. I will finish the degree but don't know what I should do after that. I know lots of other people who are like this and it isn't failure, its just that we didn't plan our futures and still have not found what we are looking for. A suggestion; next time you consider a course or job, look for something that has more than one outcome. By doing this you are leaving your options open, which means there's still hope if you change your mind again or again!

Answer 4

I'm the same. I didn't go to university because between finishing high school and the start of uni I changed my mind about what I wanted to do, I'm now starting my fifth attempt at a career in the 5 years that I've been working. I figure that once something really catches my attention I'll stick to it, if not I'll just keep enjoying the variety, collecting qualifications which are interesting and good conversation points but never useful in a different career. It's good to be young and unsettled. :)

Answer 5

Sounds like you don't really know what you want to do with your life, like most people, so take some time out and think... Instead of looking at what your friends are doing think more about what you want to do and don't use them as a benchmark of your life..maybe you don't even need to go to university to acheive what you want or it simply isn't for you...Just try to start thinking of something you would really enjoy doing and how you can gain experience/skills in that area without any big commitments for now, just so you can get a taster, and don't make any big decisions until you know that its the right thing for you.. It could take months or years even but at least you won't be wasting time and money on courses your not 100% about... Start by seeking careers guidance and advice and don't be scared to tell them exactly what your situation is..

Hope that helps good luck!!!

Answer 6

Maybe you're not getting very far because you don't enjoy it? Yeah, it's all well doing something intellectual or that sounds good at uni, but if you don't like it your not going to get through it.
Think about what you like. Think about what you really want to do. What would make you happy? And aim for that. Aim for the best thing you could be doing. If you don't reach it, you will fall back onto jobs and oppurtunities that will lead you to your highest aspirations.
Good luck man x

Answer 7

you have to find something that will appeal to you and help you keep intrested long enough to complete what ever it could be.may you are just in a rut in life or you are trying to do to many things at once.do one thing at a time and that may help you complete the task at hand then after that you can then move on to something else thats how it helped me good luck

Answer 8

Concentrate on what u do. Be good with ur friends/colleagues. Ask for help from them. Talk about this to ur close friend, he/she will definitely give u suggestion, also talk with ur parents. Be polite as well as strong. Good Luck.

Answer 9

Do you enjoy the courses and jobs you have chosen? I would pick something that I really enjoy, and stick with it. That way you will get more qualifications.

Answer 10

maybe college isn't for you. you don't seem interested in it anyway. try and get some motivation from somewhere. get the drill instructor from full metal jacket;-)