How can I possibly get along with my dad when he hates me!?

Question

My dad and I don't get along. I am 18 and I've been living away from home this summer but mom insisted i move back to get ready for college. Well the reason I moved out was because my dad hit me. Well he gave me a car when I was 16 and what's the first thing he does when I get home? Snatch up that car so I can't go anywhere. I have tried to make peace with him but it just won't happen. So last night he cam in my room and b*tched me out because I still had laundry that wasn't put away. I've only been home for 2 days plus I work all during the day. I have made an effort but sh*t, I don't sit at home all day like he does. What can I do? My mom is caught in the middle and it kills me to see her cry all the time. He's mean to both of us and tells us we are good for nothing, that I'll never amount to anything, stupid stuff like that. Someone please help me, I can't continue being the reason my family hates each other.

Answer 1

just tell him that you are sorry about every thing and that you love him ..

http://www.thestarlitecafe.com/poems/101/poem_8351645.html
please read more poems for me and leave me there your comments..
yours
hazem

Answer 2

Please take this advice seriously, I am a social worker and I work at a battered women's shelter.

You MUST get a hold of someone you can talk to right away. It sounds like you have graduated from high school already. Did your school have a counselor that you could contact for a referral? Do you have a local community mental health clinic? They work on a sliding scale....also; they will sometimes see you at no charge depending on your situation. If you are going to college, most colleges and universities have free counseling services for their students located in their health centers. By all means contact the university where you will be attending and get information on the counseling services available there.

Since you are now 18, child protective services will not get involved. {They will if the child is disabled, but that is another thing}. You can call the police and have your father arrested if he hits you or your mom.

First, I want you to accept and understand that YOU ARE NOT the reason your family hates each other! If you take on that role in the family you will become consumed with guilt. In turn you will try to fix things for your mother and subconsciously, you will begin to believe that you deserve the abusive treatment from your father....because it is all your fault anyway.

Your parents have some serious marital issues. These issues are not your fault and you cannot fix things for them. I don't know your family; but I am confident, from what I have read in your response, that he has treated your mom like crap for a long time as well.

Your father has some issues and I am not sure what they are, because I obviously don't know him. He could have alcohol or drug problems ...or he could simply be a loud-mouthed, physically abusive jerk that gets off on exerting power over other people; especially women. It is highly probably that he is very insecure about himself. Men like this often try to rule the family with fear. By that I mean ... If your mom threatens to leave him, he may start in on her about how worthless she or that she could never make it on her own, or amount to anything without him. He may tell her she has no skills, no one is going to hire her ...or he may threaten to take the children and run so she can never see them again. There are many ways insecure men inflict emotional abuse on their family members to get what they want. When the emotional terrorizing fails, they often resort to physical violence.

Get out as soon as you can.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Oh, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

My dad was one of the meanest people I ever knew. And even though he died 15 years ago, I still am affected by him.

I'd suggest looking at this in another way:

It may not feel like this, but what he's doing has nothing to do with you. Really. He's a very unhappy person and very childish.

I think the goal is to reach a point where you can "detach with love" from him. That means realizing that he's just plagued by his own "demons" Nothing you do (or don't do) is EVER going to be enough.

Prayer helps, too. Even today, I say "I forgive you Dad, and I release you to the Holy Spirit (or Higher Power, or the Universe, what ever you believe).

You're not ever going to change him. But you can decide to surround yourself with positive, loving people.

YOU are NOT the reason your family "hates each other." That's really important for you to understand and accept.

You just try to be the best person you can be... and treat other people the way you'd like to be treated.

Have a wonderful time in school! And remember.... you are the prize!!

Answer 4

What you're dad is doing is wrong, he is verbally and emotionally abusing you and your mom. I was in a very similar situation a few years ago with my parents. My dad was very hard on me and he kept threatening to kick me out and at the time I was only 16. My mom was in the middle but in the end she ended up divorcing him and her and I lived together. My dad moved out and I didn't talk to him for a year but my boyfriend encouraged me to try to start over with my dad, so I went to visit him. He changed so much, and for the better. And now that we don't have to live together we get along all the time! You're not the reason your family isn't getting along. you should either come out and ask him why he acts the way he does or maybe just put some distance between you two.

Answer 5

Girl, do NOT blame yourself, for your father's temper and horrible attitude. That is NOT your fault. I do however suggest you move out. It will be less stressful for you, especially if you are busy with work and getting ready for school.

You need to let go of what's on the past, because that will not help you right now. Focus on now, and what you have control over right now.

I totally understand though... my mom was like that with my younger sister, and my dad was the one in the middle. Now that she is away from home, they still have problems, but they can communicate more.

You can't expect your father to change though... no matter how hard you try. That is completely up to him! Just look after yourself! Your mom is old enough to take care of herself. Don't step in unless you think she is being abused.

My thoughts & prayers are with you hun!

Answer 6

What you're describing sounds a lot lick my father. I don't know you're whole situation, but what I slowly learned was that there was absolutely nothing I, or any of the rest of the family, could have done to make peace with him. He quite literally enjoyed dishing out abuse and humiliation. The only thing that worked was getting away from him. Crumby deal, but some people are just mean spirited.

Answer 7

Your dad has problems. Sounds like a control issue. I understand that you love your mom and dad, but just because you love them doesn't mean that you should open yourself up to abuse. Im sure she's getting abused enough for the both of you. I know that it will be hard because you are only 18, but happenings like this will force you to become a woman and to grow up quick. You have to be strong enough for you and your mother. If you NEED to stay at home, then stay gone as much as possible---get a 2nd job. Keep your head up and good luck.

Answer 8

Make your peace with him now even if he doesn't want to. Just tell him that you are not going to be exactly what he wants because you are your own person but that you love him and then walk away. I have had to do this with both of my parents. Otherwise even as an adult, it will cause problems. I grew up in a verbally abusive family and until recently (I'm 27) my parents still kept me feeling like I was nothing. Just say what you need to say, tell him you love him, and walk away before it destroy more of you.

Answer 9

I think you should tell him you always loved him, but, for the good of the family unit you're moving out and tell your mom that she can do better ... I know he's your dad and you love him, but, everything has a limit and when he hits you or your mom, he's showing no respect for woman or for family .... it must be really hard and my heart goes out to you, but, sometimes the hardest way is the only way. Hope you work things out in a good manner.

Answer 10

I know where you are in your life. I have bad self esteem and addictions because of a broken home. It's not his fault I'm addicted, but I dont know how to deal with the pain.

I moved out and got married. I dont suggest you get married, but please move out. Run away when you can. Have a friend help you.

I wish I could help you. You are not alone...please do better for yourself and move on. Your mother will be okay. Don't worry.

Answer 11

sadly if you are living in their home you have to follow their rules (eg. car and laundry)
I wonder why your dad "hates" you... are their other kids in the family and he treats them the same? why is dad taking his frustrations out on you?
do you suppose you are not his biological child and every time he sees you he is reminded of this?? obviously not your fault but it probably causes him a great deal of pain

most people who are messed up find ways to blame others so it makes them feel bad
there is a brilliant line from an 80's song
"dont tell me all the things I wasnt could have made this big a difference to all the things you are"
my guess is he is really down on himself and taking it out on you... move out but let him know you love him, maybe find a way to have a heart to heart with him.."dad I love you but cant understand why you dont seem to love me"