why is this so wrong?

Question

my boyfriend and i have been together for 2yrs and whenever i tell people about how he has 5 kids by 3 diffrent girls they think that is really bad, i explain that he grew up in a bad home so he didnt have his parents to guide him, he is 29yrs old and his kids range from 3yrs to 15yrs old (he was 14 when the first was born). he pays child support for all of them and loves them very much so y do people think i shouldnt be with him because of that? i am 21yrs old and really dont want to have any kids of my own, we do plan on getting married sum day and his 5 kids are good enough for me that i dont care if we have one together or not. Why is that such a big deal to people, if he takes care of all of them then why is it so wrong?

he was with the first girl for 3yrs, the second girl poked a hole in the rubbers(she told me that herself), and he was with the 3rd girl for 7yrs, all of his kids love me, the mothers are not a problem, they dont cause any drama at all. by the way, how can i get my mom to like him, she has never even met him, my sis blabed about all the kids now she doesnt even want to met him and get to know him! i know she'd love him, he's got the greatest personallity out of anyone ive ever met in my whole life! how can i talk her into just meeting him so she can see that he's great?

Answer 1

dont listen to what people think, im sure they are not perfect and shouldnt be judging you or your boyfriend. as long as your happy that is all that is important and you dont need to justify anything to anyone. good luck.

Answer 2

I do believe that most people would think that your boyfriend may have difficulty staying in a relationship. You mentioned that he came from a bad home and he didn't have a good parenting relationship to guide him. This could be the reason he did not sustain long term relationships with the other three women before you. Five children is obviously a huge financial responsiblity for anyone - more than either of you can probably imagine. I am sure, as you say, he is meeting his responsibilities with child support (which is wonderful)- but as they get older - the financial needs of the children will become greater and greater and if you are with him, you will most likely have to bare that financial responsiblity along with him - even though they aren't your children. Additionally, the both of you are going to have to deal with three different other women (the children's mothers). I, for one, would not envy you being in that position at all. The decision is obviously yours, but please go into it with both eyes open. It could be very, very easy to get hurt.

Answer 3

Well if your happy, then who the hell cares. But, if he has five kids from different baby mommas he has a few Springer issues, and absolutley no self control, you may find yourself pregenant and alone someday if you don't watch out. Ask yourself this question, Why, if he is such a good person, and a good father does he have five kids with 3 different mothers? He obviously made three other women happy enough to have his children, but now he is gone, hmmmm. Don't make excuses for him it sounds like he has enough of his own, take care of yourself and be smart your 21 have fun, go travelling, don't be tied down with a man and his luggage. GOODLUCK

Answer 4

Most people probably think you being with this guy, is not the bad part. I think they might look down on him for fathering a child at the age of 14, and continuing to have other children. People make mistakes, it happens and people need to get over that.

I think it is fantastic that you are confident in your relationship. If his kids like you and you like them, no big deal. Just stop telling people about it, if you a lot of grief for it. Too many people look down on people for things like that. I am a firm believer in not having kids out of wed lock, but that is just me. As long as he take care of and loves his children, and does everything he can for them, who cares. He's better than a lot of other guys in that situation. You should follow your heart, and stay with him if you want to. You can obviously tell he is a good guy, if he is taking care of his children like that.

Answer 5

the issue is not how many kids he already has, is that he has had them with so many women, and he hasn't married any of them yet. That would make me think he is unstable and very likely to cheat on you in a relationship, despite what he say. Plus if you marry him, you would have to deal with resentment from 3 different mothers, plus 5 kids who have loyalties to their own mothers (which is usually stronger than the loyalty to the father). Sounds like you'd be jumping into a REAL mix up that may be much worse than its worth !!

Answer 6

If he really loves you then you shouldn't worry about what other people think. They don't have to lay down in bed with him at night or take care of him when he is sick and they don't lay in bed with you or take care of you. But caution you will want kids one day. It may not be today but you are gonna want kids so you need to make sure ya'll are on the same page before jumping the gun. Do what makes you happy, but keep your eyes open at the same time homegirl. Good luck

Answer 7

you're only 21, you may feel diffrent about having kids later in life. But if that is what you want, then go for it. ANd if you truly love him then it really doesn't matter what other people think. You really don't owe anyone an explaination about anything.

When I met my wife she didn't want any kids but now she does. she is now 22.

Answer 8

If he has the sense of responsiblility to take care of his kids as you explained then don't worry yourself overmuch about what everybody else expects of you. The world is full of people who want to critique everything you do and set standards for you but can't even balance their own checkbooks. Live for yourself and smile at the others; it will drive them nuts wondering what you are up to.

Answer 9

I wouldn't worry so much about what others think, even though that can be difficult to do sometimes. If you are happy with him, that's all that matters. People today are extremely opinionated, but if the two of you are happy, don't worry about them! Just enjoy your relationship.

Answer 10

stop advertising the "juicy" fact that there are 3 different mothers. it's nobody's business and will only lead to other people's judgements. live your life and make your choices with your own standards and heart. there will always be others who judge, critisize, disagree. i just give them as little opportunity as possible - by not telling them all the details of my life.