im sooooo bored make me laugh tell me a joke please??!!!
2006-08-04 01:56:14 · 13 answers · asked by Sasha 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A blonde and a brunete were watching the 6:00 news
It was about a boy who was about to jump off a building
The brunette wanted to bet the blonde $50 that the boy would jump
The blonde agreed and she even raised it to $100.
So they waited. It turned out that boy did jump so the blonde gave her friend $100.
The brunette sighed and said "I can't take your money. I saw the 5:00 news and there was the same story, so i knew he would jump"
THe blonde said "No, keep the money, I also saw the 5:00 news, i just didn't think he would jump again"
Once upon a time Nasa decided to send 3 astronauts to space for 2 years. One was American, One was Russian and the other was English. NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggage each. The American decided to take along his wife, the Englishman decided to take along books to learn how to speak German whilst the Russian decided to take along cigarettes. Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home. First came the American and his wife and each of them had a baby in their arms. Next came the Englishman speaking fluent German. They both gave their speeches and got a rousing round of applause. Suddenly, out came the Russian with a cigarette in his mouth. He walked up to the podium, snarled at the crowd, and asked "Has anyone got a friggin' match?"
haha
2006-08-04 02:08:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket, and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.
Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here."
"Where are you from, son?"
"Texas, sir," the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Texas?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and football players down there."
"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Texas."
"No ****???" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"
"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the
responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could
produce beautiful children beyond compare. With that as
his mission he began to search for the perfect woman.
Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three
stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his
breath away. So he explained his mission to the Redneck
and asked for permission to marry one of them.
The Redneck simply replied, "They're lookin' to get
married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and
pick the one you want."
The man dated the first daughter. The next day the
Redneck asked for the man's opinion.
"Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that
you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."
The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of
the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.
The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.
"Well,"the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not
that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed."
The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl
to see if things might be better. So he did.
The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,
"She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to
marry."
So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was
born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified:
the baby was
the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He
rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing
could happen considering the beauty of the parents.
"Well," explained the Redneck...
"She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly
tell... pregnant when you met her."
A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the
counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really
rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We
just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes or his Rolls, but he'll supply
all of your clothes, credit cards and money. Because of the long hours,
meals will be provided.
You'll be expected to escort the beautiful daughter on her overseas holiday
trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll have a two-bedroom
apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".
The guy says, "You're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it".
2006-08-04 19:17:29 · answer #2 · answered by l33na01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A rich man walks into a watch shop, and enquires about an expensive watch, he buys one which time is controlled by satellite, never loses a second and tells the time anywhere in the world at the touch of a button. Later that evening he's sat watching the tv with his young son, the ten o' clock news comes on, he smuggly glances at his watch only to see that it's showing ten to ten, he leans over to his son and slaps him around the head, ' you been messing with that telly again'
2006-08-04 11:30:17 · answer #3 · answered by Yokay Booboo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ru Paul, Bill Gates, and Roger Ebert are all struck by lightning on the same day. All three find themselves in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. They start begging him to give them another chance at life. St. Peter agrees but on one condition: they each have to give up something they truly enjoy.
Ru Paul says, "I really love men, but I will give up screwing around with them."
Bill Gates says, "I really love money, but I will give up all the money I have."
Ebert says." I really love food, but I'll give up pizza."
Soon, all three find themselves back on Earth. They start walking down street feeling very grateful. Suddenly, Ebert spots a pizzeria. He smells the aroma and can't help himself — he runs in there and eats a slice of pizza. POOF! He disappears.
Ru Paul and Bill Gates are astonished and agree that that won't happen to them. So they resume walking down the street when Bill Gates spots a shiny, new quarter. He thinks that if he picks it up, he can found a new company and become fabulously wealthy again. He bends down to pick up the quarter and POOF! Ru Paul disappears.
2006-08-04 09:06:04 · answer #4 · answered by Stephanie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You would take a fit
If I did
So lay down have a sleep
Wake up then you will feel better
Then when your feeling better
I will tell you a good joke
2006-08-06 05:56:45 · answer #5 · answered by itsa o 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You see 2 tampons walking across the street..which 1 waves?
Neither theyre both stuck up c*nts. ha ah
2006-08-04 09:03:12 · answer #6 · answered by bunnybabe852000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards.
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2. What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
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3. What is height of Laziness?
Adopting a child.
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4. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
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5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
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6. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
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7. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
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8. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
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9. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder.
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Now some different answers
10. What is height of Secrecy?
Not attending your own marriage
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11. What is height of Activelaziness?
hiring somebody for your own morning walk !!!!
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12. What is height of Laziness?
adopting another child !!!!
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13. What is height of Craziness?
Trying to do blowwjob to a enuch
******************************...
14. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Going out from own house in the morning and getting back to neighbour's house.
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15. What is height of Stupidity?
Going to swim without underwear
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2006-08-04 09:59:49 · answer #7 · answered by Tanya S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why why why
the question is never ending
Bored.....I'm violated
by the answer people
make me laugh you say.......ha ha ha
I don't know what to do?
in violation of asking question s
make you laugh
well hows this
please O great answer god do not violate
me i will be good ......
2006-08-04 09:03:33 · answer #8 · answered by beantown10955 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a cupcake and a muffin are in an oven.
Cupcake says, "Boy, it sure is hot in here"
Muffin says, "Holy crap!!!! A talking cupcake!!!!!!"
2006-08-04 11:24:53 · answer #9 · answered by mildmanneredclarkkent64 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What for?
2006-08-04 09:04:16 · answer #10 · answered by time_adalbert 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋