Attention Moms...how do you have fun with a 4 year old?

Question

Hi, Moms or Dads too. My son will be 4 in September and I have been able to stay home with him since November 05. I had a great career going, but when the opportunity to stay home with him came up, I took it! I do miss my career, but I love my son so much and I feel so much guilt because of his tons of hours in daycare. Any suggestions on ways to have fun with him and learn to enjoy just being at home and not working? I get so bored and unfulfilled doing kid stuff all day, but I want him to be a happy and secure child and grow up to remember his childhood with happy memories. My own mother is cold, we have little relationship and I am under constant scrutiny over my parenting style. The newest attack is that I spoil him and he "knows how to play me". Ofcourse, I disagree. Please...help me quiet this struggle I'm having on the inside. Thank you so much!!

Answer 1

You'll probably have a bunch of libs on here tell you that you shouldn't feel guilty about sending him to daycare. But you should. A child needs to be raised by his own parents, not a village, as Hillary puts it. When my wife died a week after our second son was born I knew what I had to do. I quit working and used my savings and the Social Security money from her death to live off of for a year, while I raised my 2 sons. I did not return to work until I absolutely had to in order to survive. By then my oldest was in school and I had moved closer to my parents, so my mother could watch the young one while I was at work. Did I miss work?, yes. Did I get bored with kid stuff?, yes. Is it worth sacrificing my own satisfaction for the well being of my kids?,by all means! Having children means you either sacrifice part of yourself for them, or make them sacrifice part of themselves for you. It is the ultimate selfish act to ignore the need a child has to bond with his parents as much as possible before having to go to school. Once that time is gone, you can't get it back. As for things to do, check out the above answers. Looks like we have some good moms on here after all. Watch out for those libs though, they must all be at work right now deciding which car they want to buy with the money they earn from working and ignoring their child's needs. Oh, they'll tell you they HAVE to work to pay the bills, but it's only because they feel the need to justify their attitude toward their child rearing responsibilities. They can always sacrifice the big house for a smaller apartment, or the second car for getting up and taking hubby to work and picking him up, or those Coach purses and Gucci shoes for Wal-Mart clearance items, dinner parties with the Jones's for a 2 for one pizza special from Papa John's. It's all in where your priorties lie. Is it the kid, your own flesh and blood or is it having a new SUV like your best friend from High School has? You can only decide once. Your child will let you know if you made the right choice or not. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life!

Answer 2

I can relate to your concern. I was a single mom when my daughter was little and she had to attend daycare while I worked a full-time job. Now I am married and have a 7 month old and I am staying home with both of my children. I am happy to be staying home and watching my son grow on daily basis (stuff I didn't get with my daughter) but sometimes I miss working. There are a lot of resources on the web for activities to do with young children. Also, check out your area and see if there are any groups for moms and children so there can be interaction with your child and others. At that age you need to be getting them ready to participate in school. Here are some family orientated websites I have found.
Good Luck!!

Take care!!

Answer 3

At four years old a structured routine and social interaction is very important. I would suggest setting up a schedule if he is at home and not going to preschool at least a couple days a week. You can buy some work books that are age appropriate if he would enjoy those. There are lots of web sites that offer free ideas and work to do together. You could get him a subscription to a fun magazine like highlights or Nick Jr. Get yourself a subsription to a parenting magazine their are some great ones that give wonderful ideas to do together. Make sure to keep it fun.
Cutting out pictures to make a collage, painting, fingerpainting, play with play doh, put some shaving cream down on the table and let him just play in it and try to make shapes and letters, Nick Jr or playhouse disney are great websites for childrens games. Play candyland and chutes and ladders, guess who. Go to the library and let him pick out books that interest him and read them together. Let him join a kid's book club so that he is excited about getting new books. Take him to story time at the library and to park to meet other children. Loving your child is very important but discipline is too. Make sure that he knows that you are the boss, you can show him how much you love him and make sure he knows how to follow rules at the same time. It will be very hard for him when he starts school if he does not know the word no. And believe my he will be the one to suffer. Some good sites are www.perpetualpreschool.com, www.preschoolexpress.com. Or just type in preschool activities on your browser. Just remember to always make it fun and to limit his TV time. Try some music and dancing too, it seems like it is so hard to get boys to dance and feel comfortable with it.

Answer 4

you can have fun with him and help him learn all at the same time this might also help you get a little more fullfillment because you're not just playing he's also learning. Here are some fun idea's: Grab some of his favorite toys that are fairly small put them on the table have him look at them then have him close his eyes while you take two toys off of the table have him open his eyes and ask him what is missing? It helps with memory. Teach him how to write his abc's and write #'s upto 10 not spell but write like 1,2,3 ext. if he doesnt know his colors yet make a matching game w/some paper and markers. small puzzles are fun. all of this should help him learn set you at ease and give you both a little bit of fun

Answer 5

Good decision and I hope you can really enjoy your time together until he is in school full time. It's really a gift to be able to spend this time with him.
My son and daughter in law went through this with my granddaughter, who will be 5 later this year. Daycare was a place where she caught a cold every other week. But they did put her back in pre-school a few days a week to keep her socialized and interested. Her first cousin who is a boy plays with her a lot, and the two of them enjoy spending a lot of time together. Also, her mom takes them to the park (there are several around there), and her other grandmother takes her to the beach. At home, she has 2 kittens and a little tricycle to ride around the back yard in. She has a lot of toys and craft projects going all the time, but they restrict her time watching cartoons on TV. It's been years since my son was growing up, but I remember he liked to spend a lot of time outside with me. When we lived in a neighborhood that was safer for traffic I had a little seat on the back of my bike and rode him around with me a lot. He played too many video games. (Actually he's a video game programmer now.) I read to him for an hour or more almost every night.
You can only spoil your son with neglect. Love him, and expect him to grow into a terrific human being. You can cut back on giving him stuff as he gets older. It's not a matter of material goods. You can never give him too much good attention. Of course you should expect him to learn to do things for himself, so don't run to tie his shoes every time once he learns to do that. Talk to him at an age appropriate level about your feelings and his feelings about what you see going on.
My parents were complaining when I was in my early 30s, and I got so sick of it. Finally, I asked my father why he was always so quick to criticize me, but never bothered to acknowledge the positive accomplishments I had made.

Answer 6

You might be bored or unfulfilled but your son isn't, trust me he loves having you with him. Do you have a bike with a child seat on the back... take him for a ride through a beautiful park. Visit your library and take out books for you and him... it's amazing how much a little book can bring so much joy to a child. Take a blanket outside and have a picnic in your backyard... bring those library books out with you. Spend a little time painting... my 2 kids loved to get wood shapes from a local wood furniture store and paint them, and painting clay pots was cool too. Turn on the sprinkler and set him free in it... join him too. Remember to have your son spend some time alone - it is important he know how to entertain himself too and that being by himself can be fun, and this way you have some time for yourself. Consider yourself very very fortunate to be home with your son. I couldn't with mine - just 2 months after having both I had to go to work full-time. When I came home after work, they were my world and still are today even though they are in their teens. Both of mine spent a lot of time in daycare and they are happy, respectable young adults. Go give your son a hug and think about how happy he is. This will make you happy too.

Answer 7

When you love and spend time with a child -- that is NOT called spoiling the child.
When you buy and give the child everything he wants all the time, THAT is spoiling the child.
We had a room in the house that had a lot of his toys. My son had this little "town" with toys and I used to go in and set it all up really neat (you know.....so he could kick it, knock it down and laugh at me -- it was a game). It doesn't take much to make them happy. They need the attention. It is a good idea to start him in on some games now too (Chutes and Ladders, etc.) as he needs to start learning how to be a good winner and good loser too. REAL important in life skills.

Answer 8

Have you tried becoming involved in a mother's group or other civic organization? If you belong to a church see what volunteer opportunities are available to you. While it is wonderful you are staying home with your son, there is nothing wrong in admitting you need some more stimulation.

In the mean time, try to have fun. Bake, play games, do craft projects, take walks and play at the park.

Answer 9

Scour your town for kid friendly venues. Book stores and libraries have story time. Take him for outings to local parks and museums. Fast food breakfast and a walk at the mall. A nature walk around your neighborhood or local park. Visit a toy store, but make him understand its just a visit to see what he might like for and upcoming celebration. Toys stores are a nice place to play - under close supervision so he doesn't break anything. Explore his interests...trains? Take him for a ride on one. Go to matinees [of age appropriate movies] and splurge on popcorn, or do a movie day at home. Find time in each day for a "study" break and teach him letters or numbers or colors. Have a picnic on the deck. Use your imagination...there are myriad things to do with a four-year-old. One important thing to do for your child is to teach him to entertain himself, well. You are not a 24-hour-a-day playmate. So, while doing things with him is important - and fun - give him time to do things on his own.

As for your mother...maybe she did her best, maybe not. That is the past. Ignore what she has to say on the subject. As a matter of fact, you can even tell her that while you know she is entitled to her opinion, you have opinions of your own that you abide by.

If you are spoiling him with love and affection, that's great. How wonderful for a child to know he is accepted and loved unconditionally. And as far as "playing you" - children far younger can do that fabulously. It is one of their most endearing qualities...but don't fall for it. You are - at all times - the mother, the one who knows right from wrong and instills it in the child.

As for your "boredom" ... as I said, you are not a 24-hour-a-day playmate. Invite your friends who have children to visit, then while you watch over the children, you can have an adult conversation - perhaps over a cup of coffee. At 4, he should be going to bed by 7:30 or so. Do things for yourself then...even if it means hiring a sitter for a couple of hours.

Relax and enjoy your time with him. Before you know it, he will be heading off to college!

Answer 10

You can:
1.Play in the park/play grounds with him. This way he'll meet more kids.
2.Buy a small pool and put it in your back yard if you can. Kids love play with water.
3.Whenever you go take him with you. Make that time the best for him singing with him, playing "Simon Said", What color is that? That way he will learn the colors, numbers, shapes,etc. You play with him and at the same time he learn.
3.Take a nap with him. He will love sleep with you during his nap time.
4.Play cards games with numbers,letters,shapes,etc.
Use your imagination. There's a lot to do with our kids and we don't think about it.