Im afraid i wont love my daughter & new baby the same , Im really close with my daughter and scared of change?

Question

I have a wonderful daughter(shes 2) and shes my light. Im faced with the possiblilty of having a second and Im scared of several things, wont love them the same and that my daughter and my bond will break and she wont be a mommas baby anymore.Now even if I werent pregnant right now eventually me and my husband would like to be so I know this will always be there, what should I do?

Answer 1

Don't worry. This is a common thought among second time mothers. We all feel that special connection with our first and fear that it couldn't possibly be the same with the second one. And it won't be. But you will love them both more then life itself. Trust me, it's very hard to explain.. but it will be just as special with the second as it is with the first. You will have a different and unique perspective with each child. My daughter is 12 and my son will be 8 this year. I love them both to distraction, one just as much as the other, and they are both very much momma's children..

Answer 2

What should you do? Relax. Everything that you are feeling is normal. I went through the same thing. My second son was born when my first born was only a year and a half. No, it won't be the same, but that does not have to be a bad thing. Change can be good too. The bond that you have with your current child will never break, but it will grow and change over time. That is inevitable, and it is true whether you have another child or not.

Your heart is going to expand to love your second child, and you are going to find that you have a capacity to love that is even greater than you ever imagined. Will your love be the same? Why should it be? You are talking about a completely new person! Do you love your husband the same as you love your father? Yet, you love them both with all your heart. You will love your second child with all your heart as well.

Also, think of this, your first born has had several years of your undivided attention. Instead of thinking what you are going to have to share with your current child, remember that the second child never will know the benefit of your undivided attention. They deserve your time and love just as much as the first child, and they will get your time and your love. They both will, and they will both be fine.

Think of the experience of a new sibling as a growing opportunity for your daughter. When you get to the point when you are obviously pregnant, talk yo her about the baby. Read her books about new babies and what it means to be a big sister. Call the baby "our baby" when you talk about it so that she becomes emotionally invested. If she knows a little bit of what to expect, she will be excited too and want to help you out. A three year old can fetch diapers for you, entertain a baby in a crib, help spoon feed...the possibilities are endless. And the best part is that you get to teach your daughter how to open her heart and love someone else. She will grow up less self centered. She will be able to practice sharing and giving. She will have someone to share her childhood memories with, and possibly, as time passes, a new best friend.

It is normal to ask yourself the questions that you have, but don't dwell on the topic as a negative. It is not a negative event. Change is healthy. It is normal. It is inevitable. You might as well embrace it. Good luck.

Answer 3

I have 7 children and I am not sure if I love one any different then the other. I just know that I treat them all the same no favouritism. I Willl say i have a 2 year old and a 113/4 month old and the 2 year old is somewhat jealous of the newest one. My newest one can't seem to let me out of his sight so that even makes it rougher with my 2 year old but I have children that are 26, 25, 17, 16, 15 and i loved them just as much as I do my 2 newest. The only thing is the older they get the harder they are to love so hold them while you can. Love on them as much as you can. She will always be mamma's baby and if you let her in during the whole pregnancy thing she may even help after birth. let her know there ids a baby growing in your belly. let her help with laundry and making the nursery. Have her involved in the whole seen. helped me somewhat. No matter what there will always be a bit of jealousy

Answer 4

She won't be a momma's baby forever anyway. Take the time to share this with her and develop a relationship between them before the baby is even born. In the end there will be some sibling rivalry - that can't be avoided. But one of the strongest bonds is family. No matter what has come between my brothers and me, nothing is ever strong enough to break the bonds of family. My children alternate between loving and fighting - but in the end, they know that they will always support each other no matter what. Don't let your own fear block you. Besides, you're pregnant now - too late to worry about what if... Just pray, and instead of fearing it, look forward to it. May God walk with you and hold your family close to His side.

Answer 5

you know, i was worried about that too. i have a 5 month old boy and my husband wants another in a year or two. i have this huge, underlying fear that it will take something away from my boy. but i talked about it with my sister who has 2 kids and i now believe it will enrich his life to have a sibling and i can love them both because the new one will be my baby just as much as my boy and my boy will always be my baby. my mother had 4 and i don't feel i was shorted on the love, affection, attention, etc. we weren't handed car keys at 16 like most single children, but we were always loved, even more so because we had each other. my sister and i have been close our whole lives. if you had twins do you think you would have a more loved one and a less loved one? of coarse not. don't worry so much, life is beautiful and i believe more babies bring more joy and love to our lives.

Answer 6

1. won't love them the same- why would you love one more than the other? Favoring one over the other is asking for big trouble. Imagine that....how would you feel if you were the less favored sibling...(are you an only child yourself?)hmmm....A mother's love is a mother's love-its unconditional and has no limits. It is very important to treat all children as if are special, because they are in thier own ways. All rules and conseqences should apply equally, fairly and accordingly.

2.my daughter and my bond will break...accept it, more you try to protect this bond from breaking, sooner and worse it will be broken. Children grow up and then they grow away to live thier own life. Read this by Kalil Gibran:

"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you,
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows might go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so he loves the bow that is stable."

3.she won't be a mommas baby anymore...good grief! Stop it already! Do you know what kind of monster will create!!?? Not for you but for everyone else...just remember that your child will expect everyone else to treat her/do for her/etc as you do. Please let her grow up independantly. Baby her all you want, you got 2 years....after that they are toddlers!!!

Lastly, what should you do?.... GET OVER IT!!!! You are worrying about such little things,... worry about this then, what if they both love thier daddy more than you, or how could I reinforce our bond-cause that bond is a given-automatic, or worry about what kind of person you 'd want your baby to become and what could you do see it through. Close your eyes, imagine your child as an adult-can you see him/her what type of person they are-obnoxious-pleasant, kind, polite, rude, honest, respectful, functioning in society, co-deoendant, still living at home, etc. Know this, everything you do today raising him/her will shape them into who they will be. Think about these things instead.... accept what you cannot change, change what you can, and know the difference....

Answer 7

I was afraid of this last year when i had my second son. my first one was almost 9. it was scary, I wasn't sure how I would feel. Not to worry. this is a natural instinct with mothers. If you make sure and breastfeed your new baby this will bring you closer together, this is a quiet special moment for both of you that will bring you closer together. make sure you spend time with your 2 y/o separately so that she doesn't feel like she lost her mommy to the new baby. this will comfort both of you if there is special time with each child. It takes alot to take care of a baby. try and see if your daughter will get involved, like she can go get a diaper for you, or throw one away. she can get a special toy for the baby and give it as her special gift. let her pick it out. have her watch the baby while it is in a secure place while you have to leave the room for a minute (to lets say go potty yourself). this will get things bonding more.
don't worry it will work out.
good luck

Answer 8

Ha ha I am a SINGLE mom of a 12 month old girl and i'm 37 weeks pregnant with another.

While I know I cannot be both their mother and their father, I have to balance the time that I will spend with each one, and make time everyday to play with my older daughter alone. That way she gets one on one time with me, she feels special, and we bond. The problem will be while I'm breastfeeding the newborn (which will be 10 hours a day it seems) she will always want to sit in my lap. So I don't know how I'll handle that one, maybe I'll just have to get a bigger lap.

Answer 9

Change comes to us all, but it doesn't necessarily mean you will love them less. Each love is different. Think of the new and different love you could potentially be providing for your daughter - what if she loves the baby, when they get older, you could have the world's most positive love TRIANGLE!

And if you find your love for one diminishing, worry not, that doesn't mean you won't love them more, soon, and in a different way.

Perhaps, one of the problems with some parenting, is that some parents love their grown children like they were still babies, and treat them like that. Maybe love grows as the kids grow, and change, as you do!

Answer 10

You know,before I had my son,I had this amazing bond with my goddaughter.I loved her soooo much,that I would say to my best friend"I'm scared to have a baby,because what if I don't love him like I love her" And she would tell me that when it's your own,it's a different kind of love.And that the heart always makes room for one more.And she was right.The same thing happens with my favorite niece or nephew.I never think I can love the next one any more than I love the ones before,but I always do.Just relax and enjoy your children.You will love them just the same.Good luck!