am 23 and we are engaged to be married afterwhich l was to move to canada but l just found out he has another son who is 18yrs in Africa and has sponsored him to join him . l've asked 3times about the child and he kept saying he was his brother, now l know the truth from my sister in Africa and my man has confirmed it. what do l do. l can't trust him and wonder what else he is hiding but l love him and feel am too young to take on 2boys one just 5yrs my junior.
2006-08-03 18:40:34 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm seeing lots of red flags.
Red flag #1: Huge age gap= huge difference in different walks of life and maturity levels
RF #2: He lied to you.
RF #3: You can't trust him.
RF #4: You don't want to take on his kids.
My advice, get out while you can. First of all, a good relationship must be built on trust. If he's lying to you and you can't trust him, you're going to have problems later on. Second of all, you don't want to deal with his kids. This is a situation you can't change. If you're going to be with this guy, you're going to have to deal with the kids. If this isn't something you want, find a guy without kids.
This just looks like a recipe for disaster to me. I think you should get out while you still can.
My boyfriend's dad is marrying a girl that's a year younger than me. If I marry my boyfriend, I'll have a mother in law who's younger than me. That makes me feel rather weirded out. I'd imagine that's how this guy's 18 year old son might feel.
2006-08-03 18:51:42 · answer #1 · answered by bachlava_9 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow this is a very difficult situation first he was untruthfull to you and second you would have to be a parent not an easy thing even when they are your own child may i advse that you take a break he has lied to you 3 times already about such a simple thing trust is the most important thing in a relationship if you cant trust him for the simple things how can you trust him on something big and of course the other dificult thing is the children you already know that there will be serious problems with the 18yr old he will definatly not like the situation i agree with you in saying that you are too young to take on two children and a fiancee that cant tell you the truth about his own children your young and im not saying dump him that is a decision that only you can make but i am saying flags are going up and you are young make sure very very very sure that your doing the right thing for yourself also for those children of his how will this affect them .... i hope you can work this issue out for the best maybe you should delay the wedding and go to counceling just to be sure you know what your getting yourself into
2006-08-04 01:54:33 · answer #2 · answered by seamonkeyzaire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my husband was 35years my senior he had 4 kids 1older then me our marriage lasted 14 years but i was the one making all the sacrifice yes he love me but having a ready made family is hard work you feel like you always walking on egg shells every major decision in your life will be made by them as well and if he is already lied. it could mean two things he does not trust your judgement or does not think you love him enough which all means a bad start trust me if i can do it again i would not have marry him it was not all bad we had some happy times but it can never make up for the years you will lose this is the best years of your life think about it the fact that you ask this question is a good start take time away by your self and ask some more like what you giving up to be a ready made mother they will see you as a t hreat or as a hit which mean sooner or later they will make passes at you can you handle all this when you should be having the time of your life in your marriage. marriage mean building to gather what are you building?
2006-08-04 02:46:04 · answer #3 · answered by browngirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u r going 2 half 2 think long and hard about what u r doing its not a game.think about it. if u move away with this man, that u r finding out that he has been lien to u for how long.well u better think whats going to happen to u when u move,especially when u have no family around 2 help u.
2006-08-04 02:01:39 · answer #4 · answered by lovinonly#1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's alot to take on, dear. I would think twice about marrying someone with small children, and those who are just about your age. Complications can develop, for which I know you are not ready for.
2006-08-04 01:46:43 · answer #5 · answered by D L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THE PROBLEM IS THAT YOU DONT TRUST HIM, AND THAT
IS THE ISSUES HERE, AND UNTIL THAT IS RESOLOVED,
I BELIEVE THAT YOU NEED TO SORT OUT YOUR FEELING
FOR THIS MAN, TRUST IS A BIG THING AND IF THAT THE
CAUSE, YOU MAY NEED TO LEAVE THIS ALONG, AND FOR
HIS CHILDREN IF YOU ARE NOT READY TO BE A MOTHER
TO THEM THEN YOU NEED TO REALLY BE HONEST WITH
HIM ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT EVERYTHING.
2006-08-04 01:47:17 · answer #6 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To many red flags Dear. Get out while you can. It will be hard at first, but you will thank yourself later.
2006-08-04 02:33:05 · answer #7 · answered by Deerrunner 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋