what should i do about my mom ?help im a mess?

Question

she has this new boyfriend and me and her were really close. but now it seems like i would have to kill myself to get attention, shes totally different i cant do anything right anymore, all i do is get yelled at. the guy is nice and all but has major anger issues going on. ive started drinking and stuff but now all i wanna do is stop. im a mess help me ?

well another thing is like she has cancer. and everytime i mention her being like mean or something she throws her having cancer in my face. i just feel so helpless

Answer 1

thats a horrible predicament to be in. you probably love your mother a lot and want to have a good relationship with her especially because of the cancer...which might explain why she wants to be with her boyfriend a lot...maybe she feels like she needs to live before anything goes horribly wrong with her.

but, you are her child! and you dont deserve to pushed to the side by your own mother whom you were once very close to. and you cant be expected to put in 100% effort with no help or sign that she realizes that shes hurting and alienating you. i know sometimes emotions can be overwhelming and you might feel like you need to drink in order to feel something different, possibly something better, but you dont. youre not a mess, dont give up on yourself like that.

i think its probably best if you talk to a counselor, an un-biased someone you can relay your emotions to one on one. you might want to address your moms boyfriends anger-issues as well, these things can be dangerous, especially if he one day decides to make you a target of those issues (ive been there). this is when school counselors come in handy. and, just in case, you dont need to be ashamed of your emotions, everyone feels like they cant handle it on their own sometimes. good luck.

Answer 2

If you are drinking to deal with an emotional issue you should talk to someone professionally and that is no slam. Everybody needs a little help once in a while. Maybe a school counselor, or even an anonymous hotline. The fact that you are posting a question like this, you know you need help, but this forum isn't gonna cut it.
Have you tried talking to her?
Can you go live w/you're father or a grandparent or a friend. You don't have to live w/ an angry abusive person just because your mom is dating him.
You are basically destroying yourself based on her actions. Don't let other people's actions determine how you live your life.
I really feel for you, I hope you will get the help you need. If it helps think a few years down the road when you will not be under her roof, and realize this too shall pass.

Just read the cancer part. If she is throwing that in your face to her advantage shame on her. There are no excuses for bad behavior, just realize she is probably scared and does not know how to deal.

Answer 3

Sweetie...I am so sorry. First of all, in a moment of calmness...not fighting...not when she's busy...or involved at work etc...talk to her. Tell her how you feel. Exactly how you feel. I know, I am a Mom, she loves you. She would never ever intentionally hurt you. If she has been through a divorce, she has been hurting too. And sometimes, we get all caught up and act like teenagers...Moms are not perfect. I promise you...if you talk to her and tell her how you feel, she will reach out to you. She will give you a big hug and yes you can still be close and work all this out. Boyfriends will come and go...daughters are your whole heart forever. Be sure to tell her that feelings are neither right or wrong...they just are. You can't help how you feel. You feel hurt, rejected, pushed aside. But...please promise me...stop the drinking. It's not worth it. You could end up hurt or worse. When we are hurting, and our needs are not being met, we do things that we normally wouldn't do. This is true for children and adults. We don't make good decisions when we are hurting. Talk to a friend you can trust. An adult friend would be good...an aunt, your grandma, a friend's mom, a teacher. Just find someone to listen. And please....Talk to your Mom. Make her listen...be kind...speak softly...tell her how much you love her and miss her. She will wake up and see the mess you are in. Good luck sweetie. Take care of yourself. God Bless. I just read the cancer part...I'm so sorry. She's hurting too. You have to find someone to talk too. Good luck.

Answer 4

Look, you've taken the first best step. Be brave and take a couple deep breaths. You do need to talk with an adult who can help and advise you. If you can think of an aunt, uncle, close family friend who you would be comfortable speaking to then do it. Believe me, most family will be there for you in the tough times. If your dad is around, can you speak to him? I know it might be the cause of more hassles, but they are between your mum and dad, they are not your issues. When you decide who, call them or just go see them, whichever you are most comfortable with. I imagine that they will then speak to your mum. Yep, she might freak, but she has to hear it from someone she will listen to so that you get through to her. Then when the adult has made a way for you, you can speak to your mum and explain what is happening for you. If this dont float your boat, then seek out a professional counsellor, maybe through school (Im in Australia and our systems are different to yours). Be strong, be sure that you are ok and that you will overcome this difficult time, because you will. You truly will. It just doesnt seem like it at the moment. Good luck, take care and get yourself some adult help.

Answer 5

There are 3 probabilities right here: a million) Your mother used to be so relentlessly central and interfering such a lot that he didn't desire to spend his lifestyles having to manage that, two) you weren't protecting him for your mother so he felt as if you happen to could no longer be the supportive associate he desired in lifestyles, or three) he felt there have been issues, instead of your mother, within the dating and used the disorders along with your mother as an excuse to finish the connection. There is not sufficient know-how for any person to inform which this sort of probabilities has happened. It does sound as though your ex fiance could be very found to finish the connection, although. A fourth probability is that he's an overly controlling character who desired to have the final say on the whole thing you are saying or do. Guys like that do not desire any person else, like your mother, in the best way in their target to rule your lifestyles. If he used to be very jealous, desired you to avoid a few of your peers, desired to approve in which you pass or what you do and so on then the ones are well signs of a manage freak. If that's the case, you're fortunate to escape from him!! : o

Answer 6

Hopefully You are old enough to stand on your own. Let her work out the relationship and just stay out of the way until things settle. she is trying to deal with new demands and perhaps her problems with the relationship and health are making her take the frustrations out on you. Give her space and let her know You love her and will be there for her whatever the outcome. Instead of letting Him come between the two of you fo places with her to build the bond between you.Hiding in a bottle is never the answer. Get your own life gong in the right direction and work on those plans for the future. There will be very rough days ahead for Your mother and your support will mean allot to her.

Answer 7

I can understand that you are feeling left out now that your mom's attention is on a new man. IT is hurtful when this hapens but for you to just be self destructive isn't going to help you.
Her devotion and total absorption in this guy will ease as time passes, heck you dont' even know how long they will last....so try to weather the infatuation and be there for your mom when she wants to talk to you. Don't make her feel bad for wanting a relationship of her own. If they guy is BAD, however, stay far away from him as much as possible.

Answer 8

first, my dad died from cancer. so i can kinda relate.
stop being selfish. you are going to have to grow up sooner or later. im not trying to sound mean. but she has cancer. and sooner or later she could die. that day you are going to have some serious growing up to do. you might as well face it now. she needs you to be there for her now. its gonna be tough. but its just a part of life. drinking isnt going to help. it might for a while. but in the long run its a waste of your time, money and energy. and the most important thing you have right now is time. dont waste it. spend some with your mom. i know youre going to be ok.

Answer 9

Get the help of a responsible, trusted adult. If you don't have a relative you can talk to, call your doctor so you can get a referral to a reputable counselor. (When school starts, you can ask the social worker or other counselor there). Finally, congratulate yourself for being responsible enough to reach out for help, and to realize that you need it. You sound smart, so get that help NOW before you change your mind and do something destructive. Good luck to you!

Answer 10

Do you have an uncle or aunt through your mother? It may help to talk to them and ask them to help you. Otherwise you can speak to your friends, it helps to talk about your problems with others.

Your mom just probably feels lonely and is in need. Something that you may not understand just yet. Give it time and you may soon understand her.

But don't go punishing yourself, don't drink and don't do drugs. The best thing you can do is hang out with good friends that are fun and there to help you.