My mom and stepdad are having a baby soon. How do I accept this baby when I didn't want them to have a kid?

Question

I liked it better when it was just my mom and me. It's hard to include my stepdad because he doesn't understand me. Now, they're having a baby and I'm out completely. Any advice will be good.

Answer 1

i know EXACTLY how u feel! i had the SAME problem. and i didn't want my mom and stepdad to have a kid bcuz he didn't really feel like MY dad, bcuz my mom and real dad got divorced. but wut i did was i told my mom how i felt about my stepdad, and them having a kid. i told her that i felt very uncomfortable bcuz he isn't my father, and i dont really like the idea of them having a baby. she told me that "this wont be taking me out of the equasion of the family, it will be adding another joy to the family". i just started to forget about it, and move on, and time later, i started accepting it, and kind of getting excited. and wen my mom had the baby, i was sooo proud! i starting bonding w/ my stepdad, and i had a beautiful baby sister!

Answer 2

Hi Lauren,
You are NOT out-- you are going to be this baby's big sister. He or she will look up to you and depend on you to love him or her.
I know this is a really hard thing for you, but for the baby's sake, please try to keep your feelings to your mom and stepdad and cherish your new little sibling.
The baby will only know that you are mad at him or her and have no idea why. He or she did not ask to be put into this situation and will love you know matter what you think about all this. Please do your best to love him or her back.
Have you talked to your mom about this? Maybe you and your stepdad can do some things together-- like going to dinner or the beach or lake and try to get to know each other more. If you have a dad, your stepdad can never take his place, but he can be a good friend to you.
Your mom and stepdad obviously trust you to be a good big sister-- prove them right! Its a big job, but I have a good feeling that you can handle it. Besides, this is a good time to show your stepdad how to be a good dad to this new baby.
I know you feel left out-- but you are more included than I think you realize.

Please post again and let us know how you are doing.

From one big sister to another-- you are so important, I think you just don't know it yet.

Answer 3

You love your mom and your mom loves your stepdad. So be happy that your mom is content. If you can't get along with him, just know that he makes your mom happy and that's one reason to like him. Think of how your mom would feel if she didn't have him. She'd be concerned for you because she'd probably think that it's best for a child to have a father figure as well as a mother. On top of that, she might feel lonely. So be glad that you have a stepdad. Try to get along with him the best you can. You say that he doesn't understand you...is that because he doesn't try or because you won't let him? Have you tried to understand him? Although it might not seem like it to you, your stepdad is probably trying the best he can to win your affection. Give him a chance. Know that you can't change him and try your best to accept him for who he is. Make the best of what you have.

As for the baby...the same general principle applies. Again, you have to accept the inevitable and make the best of it. You know the saying, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Even if you deliberately try not to love the baby, I bet you will anyway. Maybe not at first, but you will in time. Remember that you have to play the role of the older sybling to this baby. You have to set the example and be a role model. It will look up to you and at times, try to be just like you. How can you not love such fawning? lol. Of course, soon after it's born your parents will have to spend a lot of time taking care of it, so you will feel left out to a degree. But tell them how you feel. Let them know you're still around and in need of attention and affection too. you can also enjoy your extra independence. Spend time making new friends!

The bottom line here is that you have to learn to accept what is. Everybody has trouble with this and as I'm giving you this advice, I can easily think of a bunch of situations in my life that I could apply my own advice to. lol. I'm sure you'll end up fine. Years from now you might even look back and wish you had made better use of the time you had with your family. Before you know it, you won't see your family much anymore because you'll have one of your own. So make the best of your time with them while you still can. Cherish it and remember that growing up only happens once. Good luck.

Answer 4

You need to understand that they have a life besides you and the baby will strengthen the whole relationship. Instead of resenting the baby bond with it and embrace it. A half sister or brother can be more fun than problems. The baby is a gift from God and helps life be better for everyone around it. If you do the right thing and work with them life will be better for all of you. Remember the time they have to spend with the baby keeps them off your back. Holding back feelings and grudges does not accomplish any good. Live life to share joy and do not lower you or character to hatred or jealousy. you will always be Your mother's first born and You link her to the good times of the past. Never forget that and get the good out of the life ahead for all of you.

Answer 5

Get over it. Life isn't all about you and your needs. Other people need to have a life too, including your mom and stepdad. Be a part of the baby's life too. You'll like the baby much better when it gets here and you can see just how dumb you've been acting.

Answer 6

If you are a teenager, u'r going to have to get over it. I don't mean to seem harsh, but that's the way it is. Think about a few things: Do you know if u'r mom always wanted to have more kids, but relationship wise at the time, it wasn't a possibility? Do you think she just wants to forget about you, pretend you don't exist? I know it's hard to have a step-parent...some people take YEARS to warm up to their step-kids...if ever. But even though you are a part of the family, u'r mom has to do what she thinks is right, and to a degree, what she wants. Especially if she's always wanted more kids. It seems a bit selfish to not want u'r mom to be happy...just so you won't be "out". For one, u'r a teen (?), u'r already out...until you mature a bit more, when u'r hormones level out. Talk to u'r mom-tell her how you feel, honestly. Be truthful, use "I" statements so she won't feel like u'r attacking her...(eg) Mom, I feel like I'm going to be left out once you have the baby..."Stepdad and I don't really get a long, and I wish it were better...Can I be included, or will you make sure to spend some time with me? When I was a kid/teen/young adult, I thought that MY happiness should always come 1st. Boy was I wrong!!! The idea and goal, is to try and have EVERYONE happy. Maybe u'r mom doesn't know how you feel, and u guys will be doing fine, and you may even like that "kid" later! Good luck!! P.S. I KNOW you will have some other answers that are WAY HARSH and hurtful and sarcastic. Ignore them. It seems to me that a lot of people in here are only trying to make sarcastic and hurtful remarks whenever possible to make themselves feel superior. Take it with a shaker of salt.

Answer 7

Well, everyone has told you to grow up, so I won't. But you do have to realize that life is life, and it is not the baby's fault for being born, so first of all, love him/her. Second, if you try really hard to be understandable, then your Step-father will be better able to understand you. Thirdly, if you help your mother with the baby, it will form a bond between you and your mother on a deeper level. Get involved in the family. That does not mean help make decisions, it means Help. The whole family gets along better when everyone in the family works as a whole.

Answer 8

It's understandable to feel left out. You and your mom no doubt had a relationship that now is forced to change as she includes first another man in her life and now a new baby. Be assured though, she dosent love you less, just has an increase in demands on her time. I think acceptance comes with understanding. Make yourself part of these new family members lives. You may discover you enjoy them more than you would ever know when your outside looking in.

Answer 9

i was an only child until i was 13, when my parents had another kid. i was so freaked out , a little sad and mad too. i had to kinda adjust. and sometimes things are difficult but this really should be an exciting time for you. try to get involved (i read more baby books than both of my parents combined!) maybe you can go with your mom to her dr. appts. its amazing to hear the heartbeat and see the ultrasound. it was fun to learn how big the baby was and counting down to when he would be born. i made up my own nickname for him and i actully picked out his real name! sometimes i get really frustrated with him and my parents but my brother is my favorite person in the world and i love him more than anything. i cant wait to see him grow up (but not too fast! i cant believe that he is going to be 3 soon!!) even if you cant see it now just wait until he/she is born and you get to hold them. i guarantee you will love them immediately! you will have a big enough age gap between you and your sibling that you two wont have to go through that aguing and fighting you can be the cool big sister that they can talk to about anything and you can do fun stuff with them.
talk to your mom and tell youare feeling a little insecure. chances are she will tell you how much she loves you and that nothing will ever change that etc etc. i got that talk tons of times!
as for your stepdad just try talking to him. if he is a good guy then im sure he really wants to get to know you (and would your mom marry him unless he was a good guy?) he probably just doesnt really know what to say to you so make the first move!
when my brother was born i didnt want to lose my time with my mom so we said that once a month we would leave my brother and dad at home and just the two of us would go shopping, see a movie, go to a reataurant or something like that. it helps.


it hasnt been perfect but nothing in life ever is. remember to communicate with your mom stepdad if something is bothering you its not good to hold things inside, that just makes you feel worse. know that you are not alone in the way you are feeling.
good luck

Answer 10

Hi, it is hard with any sibling no matter what the circumstances are- I would suggest that you cherish the baby, this is your brother or sister, and that is very special. Maybe you should address your concerns with your mom. I am a stepmom and they know that if there is ever a problem they can come to me, and they do. You need to just take it one day at a time, don't bring things up when you are mad, bring them up on the way to the grocery store, or something give them a chance to address your concerns seriously. I hope that this helps and good luck!