Did my Catholic Mother Fail Me?

Question

When I met my husband, I started to go to his church, and I felt differently about the Catholic church in which I was raised. I made the choice to convert a few years after we got married. This was not a decision made just because we got married. I felt more connected to his faith. (Baptist) My now mother feels that she has failed me. When ever we get on the topic of religion, she always apologizes for failing me. She keeps asking me what she did wrong to make me convert. She feels she has sinned.. How can I convince my mother she did not do anything wrong? How should I handle this situation?

Answer 1

Tell her she succeeded in raising a person who is strong enough to follow her heart. Tell her it's no one's failing. Offer to take her to church with you and show her that you're still worshipping the same guy just differently. I hope it works out for you.

Answer 2

Your mother did the best she knew how. I am Baptist as well and I don't think that any mother who raises her child in church has failed them. I am children's pastor and I have seen first had mothers who fail their children. What you have to remind your mother of is that following Christ is a personal conviction. If you have been saved ( being in a Baptist church I hope you have accepted Christ) then you should take the opportunity to show your mother the love of Christ. Stress to her that it is not her, but your own decision. Tell her straight up why you converted and ask her to respect that. You may be surprised.

Answer 3

It sounds like, your mother is trying to put a 'guilt-trip', on you! Now, I'm not saying, that she doesn't love you with all her being. But, she isn't allowing you to make your own decisions. She had no say, in what you did, and now feels, that you won't be accepted into Heaven, because, you lost your faith, in the 'church'. Not only, due to what has been happening in the 'church' for the last several years. But, also, due, to 'personal' choice and discovery, many people who were raised in the 'church' are leaving. But, I think many, such as yourself, have just decided to go in another direction. You still have a deep connection in your faith, just different, that's all.It would be more 'shameful' (for your mother) if you would have left and went to 'nothing'...just left, and completely given up your faith, entirely. Your mom, is 'old' school, she can't change her feelings, overnight, with patience, kindness, and love, I'm sure you'll be able to help her to understand.

Best to all....

Answer 4

Your Mother did not fail you. I think you probably did not get a good education in your faith. I see that problem with my own daughter. I have tried to teach her my faith, Catholic, and I am from Ireland where I was taught religious educ. every day and I mean learned a lot about my faith. Today with no religious education in schools, I can tell you it is hard to have any faith. What I see in schools today is a lot of nasty kids with no faith whatsoever and no sense of right or wrong. I have been going to a Bible study for 16 years and it is with all denominations and we discuss the bible in depth. I know your Mother is sad about how you converted but that is not her fault. As I said I do not think you were taught your faith and possibly this is not your fault. God Bless.

Answer 5

--Is Catholic--

and I am a convert to Catholicism as well. I have had to deal with your problem, not from my parents, but from my evangelical friends who got me interested in Christianity but then I went to far and swam the Tiber.

First I am going to have to tell you that you should respect that your mother feels that she failed you. This is a legitimate concern of hers and you shouldn't simply blow it off or try to changer her feelings.

Did your mother really fail you? I do not know your situation well enough to say if she did not teach you well enough. It is important for you to understand that for a Catholic parent, according to Catholic belief, they are chiefly and morally responsible before God to insure that their children live the Catholic faith. The Church has a responsibility but it is mainly to support and facilitate the efforts of the parent. It is a part of Catholic faith that the parents' judgment by Christ will include how they raised their Children in the Faith. This is something that you should respect, because it shows a very deep and real commitment that your mother has made both to you and to God. Her desire to raise you Catholic and see you live a Catholic life IS A PART OF HER PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS.

Well educated people with well formed consciences do leave the Catholic Church. This willful leaving of the Church is not the responsibility of the parent. If your mom did everything that she could have done, then she did not sin.

If you believe that your mom did everything that she could have done to raise you Catholic and teach you about Jesus and His wish for your salvation, then you should tell your mom that she did everything that she could have done, and that there is no sin in that. That your rejection of the Catholic Faith was your own decision, and is not based on anything that she didn't do or did poorly.

HOW CAN I MAKE IT BETTER? : Well, I am sorry to tell you that anything short of returning to the Church will not work. According to Catholic theology, you have deliberately cut yourself off from the normative means of salvation, and this will weigh heavily on your parents.

The best solution for you that I can give is that you don't talk about baptist things. Talk with your mom about Catholic things. Find something Catholic that you can read together. May I suggest the works by Scott Hahn? He should have a flavor (ex Protestant minister and still speaks like one) that is suitable to the both of you. Or if you are into something heavier, try the works of Ratzinger, now Pope Benedict XIV whose works are phenomenal. If you talk about baptist thing that will drive a wedge. Since you were Catholic, you should still be able to talk about Catholic things, so find something that you can still talk about.

That is my suggestion. It will make your mother happy because you will do Catholic things together as you one did. And for you, there is enough Catholic things out there than you can find something that you are interested in and feel connected to.

God bless you on your wanderings.

Answer 6

Well, to state the obvious: she did not fail you. It's just that everyone has different beliefs and sometimes no matter how we are raised or what we are taught or shown we're just drawn to different things. My mother was raised catholic and turned athiest! And her mother had NO influence on this. Just try to think about what exactly draws you to the baptist church (maybe it's the different songs or how the mass goes) and explain this to your mother. Hopefully she'll come to understand your decision and not be bothered by it.

Answer 7

It is considered a Catholic's mothers ultimate failure to have a child raised Catholic become a heretic. This means you will be unable to reach heaven. The full purpose of motherhood is to raise saints for heaven and if you do not stay in the one, holy, apostolic religion: Catholic, you will not become a saint. If she has done her very best to raise you as a Catholic, she has not failed you, but you have failed her and God. If she has not done her best and slacked considerably in her Catholic education of you, she has indeed failed you as a mother.

You sound as though you have a mother who truly loves you. Be grateful. My own mother was a modern "Catholic" who never taught me much at all about religion. She did indeed fail me while I was growing up. She does not see this. But by the grace of God, my blessed Mother in heaven (Mary) brought me to the true Catholic religion and to the latin mass which I didn't even know existed until He blessed me with the opportunity of seeing one. Pray the rosary and Mary will give you unspeakable graces to help you find God again.

Remember religion is about worshipping God, not entertaining oneself. You do not choose a religion that suits your needs. There is only one religion which God wants us to be and that is traditional Catholic. God bless you!

Answer 8

Your Mother did not fail you. You just developed differant feelings about your religion after you were grown, we all change with age in all ways,it is not a matter of failure, it is a matter of change in beliefs and comfort zones. Just praise her for the wonderful job that she did in raising a child that believes!! So many do not.....kjaybaby

Answer 9

You're going to have to explain to her that you're an adult now, and although you value what she taught you growing up, you have to live your own life now. It might be easier on her if you just lied and said you were converting to make your home life easier, and that Baptists believe in the same Jesus as Catholics.

Answer 10

Tell her you are grateful for what she DID do for you-give you a foundation of faith and the ability to think for yourself. Gently remind her that when Jesus returns for His own they will be from all denominations as we will worship Him in spirit & in truth. There will be no need for ANY denominations. I'm sorry your Mom feels so guilty, and that she's trying to make you feel so guilty too. In the Trinity we are all one.