I have a question on sex before marriage. Someone please help...?

Question

Well you see, me and my girlfriend are quite young. I am 15 and she is 17. Now I am a christian and was always taught that sex before marriage is wrong, and I agree with that. However, we have had sex a total of 62 times now (yes, I've been keeping count) and I'm not sure as to what I should do. I can't keep going on like this when it's so wrong. Should I break up with her? Should I stay with her and marry her? We are both in love and had talked about getting married when she turns 18 in about a year. And my father said he'll sign for me to marry her when I'm 16 if I really want to. But I guess what I want to know is, Is it wrong to have sex with someone you plan to marry, and if so, should I stay with this girl? (She wasn't a virgin, but I was. She took my virginity) (My mom is a christian and really doesn't like this girl, but I love her. My dad likes her though, and I live with him)

Answer 1

wow.

First of all, you are JUST 15 years old....in most states you are not even recognized as being old enough to CONSENT to sex. I am not sure that you understand the significance of that statement.

There is a reason why God tells us to reserve ourselves for marriage---and yours is a great example. You are compromising yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually. While I do not think this is a reason to break up with her---I do think that you need to be the 'man' so to speak and lay down the law----if you really do care for her, then YOU must be strong and tell her that this is NOT the way your relationship should be. IF you care about her, you would respect her enough to tell her that. It is very hard to stop this once you have begun down the sexual intimacy road.

I would flat out tell her that there will be no more sex until you are married. I would NOT get married until at the very least you have graduated from High School.

Answer 2

Okay..... is she a Christian? If not, that will make all the other answers to your question a lot easier. If she is then she will understand you coming to her telling her you realize you have made some mistakes in the past, but you are a Christian, and you believe that it's wrong to have pre-marital sex, and you want to stop. You still like her and want to continue the relationship (if she is saved). The Bible says light and darkness do not mix.
YES it is wrong to have sex with someone you PLAN to marry. The Bible speaks clearly of sex before marriage, no where does He say "if you plan on it" it's okay. People plan on getting married all the time, and many times it doesn't work out.
The virginity thing doesn't really play a part in your decision here, neither does the fact that you live with your father and he would sign for you. If there is an age limit for marriage - there is a reason, and if you are a Christian and so is your mother, maybe you two could seek out some scriptures together so you have more peace about your decision. Asking your mother to put all personal feelings aside for your girlfriend.

Stay strong -

Answer 3

It's all a matter of what YOU want to do, and nobody else. If you decide to marry her because you want to, not feel like have to, then go ahead. Just keep in mind that marriage is not a temporary thing, and the younger you marry, the more likely you are to divorce. Stop counting the occasions you and her have done it. You should not feel guilty about losing your virginity to her and continuing to have sex if it is out of love for each other. Love making can bring you both closer, especially if the focus is NOT on the physical sensations. I think you should stay together, and wait for marriage as long as you can, BUT only IF you WANT to.
Although I am not a Christian (I'm Buddhist) there is a similiar thing about sexual conduct in those teachings. Personally, I think the purpose of it all to help steer you away from trouble, bad habits (like being promisciuos by sleeping mindlessly with multiple people) and free from unhappiness. hope this helps, good luck!!! :)

Answer 4

Personally, I am open to sex before marriage if your really care about the person, which you have already said that you do. Sex is sacred and if you truly believe that it is going to work out between the two of you and you would be comfortable getting married and taking the risk of having a child, then go for it. Just remember that if you don't want a baby yet, then take all the precautions because that's the risk you take when you have sex outside of marriage. Make sure that in the instance that she did get pregnant that you would be able to provide for that child a good home growing up. I know kids who ate dog food to keep their stomachs full. As long as you're responsible and planning on staying together, sex is a decision for you to make. You've already had it, so keep doing what you're doing. It obviously makes you happy and that's what life and love is all about. Feel lucky that you found it young. (:

Answer 5

I think (and your parents would agree) that 15 is WAY to young to be considering marriage. First you need to grow up, figure out who you want to be, and set yourself on that path. Marrying this young would just block most of that, and likely send you into a life of poverty as you struggle to get by without an education.

I am NOT a believer in waiting until marriage for sex. That requirement forces people into marriage long before they really know the person well enough to be certain they will make a good partnership.

However I do believe that the vast majority of teens are not emotionally ready for sex and few completely understand the risks, not just STDS and unplanned pregnancies, but emotionally. You are clearly experiencing some of the emotional consequences now.

She is enough older than you that what she did WAS wrong. Your serious attachment to her at your age is very much a result of that predatory action.

So..what should you do? Well, clearly premarital sex is against YOUR beliefs (and you have to live with yourself, not me, so your beliefs are more important than mine), so you need to stop having sex for now. If you can do so and continue to see your girl than do so.

If she won't let you stop you need to understand that she is doing that to continue to control you. This is a bad sign for your relationship if this happens. It means you are being controlled and that she lacks the confidence in herself and your relationship to expect more from herself and you. If she won't let you stop doing something YOU feel is wrong, then she is the WRONG girl and you should stop seeing her.

One of the hardest lessons to learn about relationships is that you can love someone deeply that is all wrong for you. A girl can be a great girl and still be the wrong one because your values, goals or ways of dealing with conflict are different. Different beliefs fall into that category.

I have told my daughters (19 and 17) that any boy that really cares about her, will respect HER boundaries regarding sex; meaning they would not force her, or beg her to do something she isn't ready or willing to do. This is true for boys too. If she really loves you, she will respect your feelings and your need to not have sex right now.

Stopping sex for now allows you to sort through your feelings about yourself, the relationship and her. That can only be a good thing. Time will tell you if she's the right woman for you.

There's no rush if you really are going to have a lifetime together. A need to rush indicates that one or both of you is afraid of losing the other. When it is right, there is NO fear of loss, because you have that confidence that it is right.

So again, you should stop for now. I sure hope you two have been diligent about birth control. Teen parenthood REALLY sucks and is very, very unfair to the child so make sure you do NOT get her or any other gal pregnant until you are a true adult - done with school, gainfully employed and financially ready to take that challenge on.

You might also benefit from some discussion with a minister who will be able to listen and help offer specific advice.

Good luck. I do hope it works out for you.

Answer 6

Oh goodness. You really ARE young to be planning marriage OR having sex! I know you're gonna hate to hear this (I remember being 15 only 10 years ago lol), but you really don't know yet if you want to marry her. What you want at 15 and what you want at 20 are often two different things. Yes it's wrong to be having sex. But it would also be wrong to marry someone just because you've had sex with her. Breaking up with her would be wrong too, because that doesn't solve the problem that you've had sex with her! If you really plan to marry her, then stop having sex with her and wait at least a year or two. If you still love her then, and still think you could spend the entire rest of your life with her, THEN marry her. Best of luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 7

That's right buddy screw both of your lives up right now while you are Young. Man I work with youth for a living and you are on a road to destruction. You don't know the first thing about love. YOU ARE 15!! I have just came out of this same situation with some kids in my youth department. It will not work out for the better. I will tell you the same thing that I told them. Stop with the sex, and see if you are just thinking with your piece or with your heart? Man what you are feeling is the emotional high from all that...well I won't call it love. Stop with the sex thing for a couple weeks and see what type of relationship you have. I bet you wont have much of one. 1st Corinthians 7:1 says Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. So you can take that how ever you want. You say your a Christian then live the life man!

Answer 8

Well, Christians believe in Jesus as the Savior and God as the father... no sex before marriage was something from man... men of the church created this to keep more control over women and to make sure they know who's child their wife bears... Oh, and did I mention that it only is bad for women to have sex before marriage. Yep, they never have ever considered finding out whether or not a man was a virgin before marriage, only women... God will forgive any sin that you ask of him, especially if you plan to wed this girl.. .Believe me, you will not be happy if you marry her just because you two had sex... it is also highly unlikely that the two of you will get married anyway... not to rain on your parade... but she will graduate before you and possibly run off to college, meaning that she will have tons of new life changing experiences that will leave you in the dust. Don't worry about it, so long as you use condoms and other birth control, there is no reason to worry... Oh, and who cares if your family like the girl or not... its not their business. If you ltruly loved her, what your parents thought of her wouldn't even cross your mind.

Getting married at 16 is bad. No ifs ands or buts, its bad... getting married at 20 like I did was a bad idea... the younger you are when you marry the more likely you are to divorce, cheat, or just have a crappy marriage all together. Think boy, think... your horomones at this point in time do not let your brain work properly when thinking of love, commitment, and future.

Answer 9

First of all, you need to stop sinning. Just put a halt to the sex. Ask your GF if she's okay with this. If she's not, she's not the girl for you. If she can't wait until she's married or says she has "needs", kick her to the curb. This is a mortal sin and unless you repent of it, it will drag you to hell. Go to confession.

I would speak with your mother. What is it about this girl that she doesn't like? She probably has a good reason and you should give it some consideration. I doubt this girl is marriage material with all this sex with someone so very young. But if you truly are meant to be, then she'll wait for you. Don't make a stupid decision. Remember, marriage is forever, until death do you part. God bless you.

Answer 10

Hi. I'm glad u realize sex before marriage is wrong. The best thing to do is if you truly love this girl u will stop having sex with her and just marry her. You can ask God to forgive you and just not do it again till you r married. I feel u r too young to marry but if u and her r truly in love then get married don't keep fornicating. I definately wouldn't break up with her if you love her. If you two are truly in love then u guys could make it work without sex till u could get married. I hope this helps. Good luck!