I am really starting to get concerned about my 5 yr old son (will be 6 in 4 mos). Around the age of 4 I started finding my bras and panties in odd places where he would hide them. He has always liked silky things like the satin binding on a blanket so I was not overly concerned because I thought he liked the feel of them. He has continued to do this over the past year and it is getting worse. I have not made an issue of it and I have repeatedly told him that these are mommies personal things and he should not play with them or hide them.
It is getting worse, he has now started to dress things with my underwear and yesterday I caught him wearing a pair of my pantyhose in the nude and now I am totally freaked out as is his dad. We are not an overly protective family, we are not overly modest, we are a morally good christian household and very active in our church. We monitor what he watches on tv, and he is very much a boy in every other way. How should we respond?
2006-08-03 15:50:41 · 17 answers · asked by worried mom 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
I really appreciate ALL of the insight thus far and I do feel somewhat more at ease with what we have been doing so far.
A few more details...I became a full-time SAHM a year ago, he does have costumes he dresses up in (esp Spiderman), he is an exremely busy and active little boy who is very loving and extremely willfull. We have talked with him about certain clothing is for boys and others for girls. We have tread very carefully to the way we react with him about this behavior and I worry about any form of punishment as I don't want to create a negative mindset assosciated with it.
Thanks for all of your responses!
2006-08-03 16:37:43 · update #1
At five, it probably is much more to do with the fabric than that they're for women. I wouldn't worry - he'll probably grow out of it. See if you can find something for boys that feels silky for him to wear instead. Maybe a tie or something.
But when it comes down to it, if he likes wearing women's clothes because he feels like he should be a girl, there's nothing you can do to change that. The best thing for him would be to accept him for who he is, and if he wants to wear a dress, let him wear a dress. You have to understand that you can't do anything to change who he is.
Try talking to him about it. Make sure he understands that those are girls clothes, and ask him why he likes them.
2006-08-03 16:00:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ok,people are dumb. I have worn pantyhose since I was 7. I only wear them when I am alone and I know it is not accepted, but the worst thing you can do is punish him. He will only hide it more and feel horrible inside. I always thought I was alone until the internet. I am as normal a person as they come. I have a respectable job and am very curtious around people, I just love pantyhose. Just let him indulge in it, it could be worse he could be a killer or rapist. Having a pantyhose fetish is harmless. As for other people on this forum, they suck and a small minded.
2006-08-06 16:49:29 · answer #2 · answered by Harm S 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A few suggestions:
a) Maybe he is really into dress-up. Get him so costumes that he could dress up in. A lot of those come with a satin-like material that he may like.
b) Perhaps he is bored and goes searching for things. Provide him with something to entertain him? Sports?
c) Whatever you do tho...I really strongly suggest that you do not put him down or make him feel bad for his actions. It may make him become confused why it is wrong. DO tho, talk to him about it saying that, you know he likes your clothes but they are for mommy only but that you will buy him some clothes that he can have all for himself. Some catelogs have halloween costumes in them and he could pick some out to feel included too.
2006-08-03 15:58:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must explain to him that you do not want him to do this, and if he does it again there will be consequences such as removing his toys for a short period of time (e.g. half a day), or removing other priviledges for a short time. Keep reminding him that you will enforce this rule, and he will have to face the consequences of his actions. The punishment need only be very brief to get your message through to him.
There is nothing wrong with what he is doing, but he must not be permitted to continue as it is against your wishes.
Can you also store them out of reach or lock the storage area with a latch? This will prevent the problem from continuing.
2006-08-03 16:41:07 · answer #4 · answered by SmokeyGun 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say, try and get him something that can be his, then he wouldn't be taking others and hiding them.
Perhaps getting together some silk type materials and making a little pillow or some type of stuffed doll.
I wouldn't reccommend forcing thoughts and actions upon him, instead let him go through life as he wants to, but don't get too loose, i.e. allow dugs and such, because those are always bad.
2006-08-03 15:56:54 · answer #5 · answered by hekinsieden 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My boy had the same thing going on at around 4:5 years old. One day he went over to his aunts house and she called me to tell me he had on my underwear under his shorts. I didn't know what to do. I spoke to him telling him that, "these are mommy's and are for girls only" He said okay and stopped. (I think) I don't want to give him a complex, or make him feel worse if he is having mixed sexual identity issues. Best of luck. You are not alone.
2006-08-04 03:37:48 · answer #6 · answered by JulyBaby 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would explain to him that since he hasn't listened to you about respecting your personal items, that you have to put a lock on your door. I wouldn't discuss in any way that wearing or trying on your personal items is wrong. You should try to impress on him that it is more important that he didn't listen and pay attention to you, and that's why the lock is going on the door. The lock doesn't have to be expensive and maybe just one of those protective plastic covers for the door handle may be enough to keep him out of your room until he learns to listen and respect what you tell him.
You may want to speak with the pediatrician by telephone (not in front of your child) to get the doctor's input on your concerns.
2006-08-03 16:01:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may just like to dress up for the sake that he has no clothes like them, or it may be a bit deeper.....
How often are you home? he may be using your things as lovies because they remind him of you. Ask him if he is missing you during the day, and if this is the case offer him an alternative to this strange behavior, like a hankie or some other thing sprayed with your perfume or something else that smells like you.
2006-08-03 16:19:35 · answer #8 · answered by kissesree 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your still reading, consider that your one of the people he looks up to most in his life and be flattered. If you have other kids have a dress up like mommy time one evening to show it isn't bad it's just not an all the time thing. You could dress like daddy to be funny. It might help with the hiding of things if he doesn't believe you'll be mad. Tell him your glad he likes how you dress but you like his clothes a lot too. Good luck and be patient
2006-08-07 10:10:50 · answer #9 · answered by emily 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would buy you son some Hanes colored underwear and tell him this is his underwear and I don't want to see you in my underwear. You can also say I know you like the pretty colors my underwear comes in so I got you some too. Afterall wearing colors is the least one worries about.
The earlier you tackle this problem the better. But later on down the road women like to see men in their underwear and vice versa. So what if a mature adult wears female underwear? It's only underwear and it's not illegal.
2006-08-06 20:13:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋