What would you do?

Question

Supose you are the father. Your birthday is tomorrow. Your son gives you today a touching bday gift and the weekly school report which is very bad ( 2 tests failed and behaivour complains) Normaly you would punish him severly for it. Will the touching gift make you not do that ?

He is retaking in summer school 3 subjects he failed . The bad report is due to not trying hard enough and just messing around

Answer 1

He would still be punished... but less yelling maybe...

Answer 2

Those are 2 separate issues. As a parent it's hard to punish a child when they have done something very good or sweet. He can't go around all of his life buying his way out of trouble, and I'm afraid that might be the message that he will get. He probably wasn't trying to do that and the gift was sincere. That doesn't change the fact that he would've prevented his poor grades by trying a little harder on his work and less "play time". I know the gift makes it very difficult, but as a parent who loves him, you owe him the punishment. Maybe make the punishment study time for each subject and if there's time in the day left for other activities, then he can do them then. That's what we do with our daughter and she always brings up the grades in the subject we make her study extra for.

Answer 3

Okay, he gave you the gift to soften the blow of the report....that shows remorse.
He's taking classes to make up for the bad grades....that shows responsibility.
Keep the bday gift and the report as two separate topics. Thank him profusely for the gift and tell him how happy you are he did that for you.
Remind him that the reason he's taking the summer classes is because he failed to apply himself and does he want to take extra classes again next summer? Probably not.
Keep an eye on his progress through summer school, praise him when he does well, even if it's a C, if he got a D last time then it shows he is trying harder. Encourage, but don't nag, him to finish and do well with his classes.

Good Luck and Happy Bday!

Answer 4

The touching gift is, well, touching, but consider the reason it was given to you on the same day as the report. He wants to soften the blow.
Do as much as you can to prevent him from socializing and playing games/tv until his work is done. He hasn't gotten it yet that in high school, he isn't going to just be able to graduate if he doesn't try...he will actually have to work to pass the classes. Until he realizes that, he will fail, and won't graduate with his friends. Unfortunately, it may be learned the hard way.
Take away privileges and the computer, etc. and if that doesn't work, ask teachers or other parents for advice. Good luck.

Answer 5

I have a 12 year old step son that I look at as if he is my own. He has done the very same thing to me. The one thing you must remember is that what happens today will affect how he acts in the future. If you "take it easy" on him because he got something nice for you, you are showing him that as long as he kisses a**, he can avoid being held responsible for his actions. Although it may suck to have to maintain the level of discipline after recieving a great gift, you will be teaching the child a great lesson. don't miss this opportunity. I belive that I would much rather my son(or daughter, I have a 4 year old) "hate" me now and become a great man later, than to give into the obvious "guilt trips" and have to deal with a 30 year old child living in my home with no sense of responsibility or accountability.

Answer 6

Well, I don`t know if you`re the father or the son... Nevertheless, I think the present wasn`t a bribe - it was more of a "I´m sorry" gift. I would tell him I truly appreciated the gift and that we would talk about the report card later on.
As for the report card, I would probably ground him for a couple of days and let him know how disappointed I was at him since he is not trying hard.

Additional note: if you`re the son, I think you`re smart and maybe you should try harder... After all, I`m sure your father would much rather have a great report card than the gift itself...

Answer 7

Allow your son to celebrate your birthday with you.Enjoy that time together. You can always address the issue of school andbehaviour the next day.Keep in mind the solution to every problem is not always punishment. Encourage your son when he fails and praise his successes(even the seemingly small ones)You are on the right track byhaving your son go to summmer school.Let your son know that education is for his benefit,not yours.An education and theroad towards it must never appear to be a punishment.Let your son know that you will work with him towards success but HE must put an honest effort into His own success.

Answer 8

The are two separate issues and occurrences and should be dealt with as tho they occurred six months apart.

Part of the reason the boy presented a thought filled gift was the love and respect his father shows, but most of all the direction he receives. I would urge the father to not fail his son in his hour of need. Use the wisdom he has gained and guide his son to be more diligent in the things he needs to do.

In short.......earn the love, respect, and the gift!

Answer 9

I am a mother of two teenagers.(just so you know)
Is there a standing consequence for any bad weekly reports? If there is, yes, you do have to punish him. But maybe the gift can soften the severity.
If on the other hand, there is no standing punishment, take it easy, but make sure he knows you're very disappointed and you KNOW he can do better if he just tries.

Answer 10

I'd say nothing about the report card for the moment, and get through with the birthday festivities. Once all that's behind you, pull out the report card and call him in for a chat. "Well, this didn't go away, so now that things have calmed down it's time to talk about it."

the two things really have NOTHING to do with each other, and shouldn't be intertwined. It's too confusing and convoluted to try to deal with it mixed together, so deal with the birthday and, when that's OVER, deal with the report card.

Good luck.

Answer 11

Happy birthday to you! Thats very nice of your son to get you something special for your birthday! as for his failed tests and bad behavior in school, I think that instead of yelling at him or really punishing him, i think maybe just sit down and have a talk with him, let him know that he has bad grades and if he ever wants to graduate High school, then he needs to buckle down and start doing his school work and give him a warning that he will be grounded for a certain amount of time each time he has a bad grade or a bad behavior report and/or take away things he Values, like playstation, bike, tv, music or if he has his licenses, take away his driving privilege!