We' ve been married for 15 yrs and are blessed with 3 beautiful children. He started drinking about 8 yrs ago and his drinking has been on the rise since of late. It is so tiring for me to constantly advise him that it is not a healthy upbringing for the children to witness his verbal abuse each time he is intoxicated. And he would say things that he usually regrets when he sober up the next day. We are now separated for 2 years as I cant see myself living with someone who have a substance dependency. I am always hopeful that he make that recovery but I doubt he will as he has told me many times that I should accept him for what he is and he is not willing to change what he likes for anybody. Recently, I met up with an old friend who have expressed his fancy for me 5 years ago which of course didnt work out then. He said that he is still waiting for me. I havent given any answers but I am very drawn to going out with him. With my problems, is it wrong to see another man ?
2006-08-03 15:22:26 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Just so that everyone is clear, I haven't seen anyone or cheated on my husband as I hold strong to my moral values even though we have been separated for 2 years.
2006-08-03 15:33:55 · update #1
You need to deal with your marriage and heal yourself before getting involved with a guy. You are an enabler and need help. Get in touch with Al Anon, go to the meetings. There is help there--great help.
2006-08-03 15:30:15 · answer #1 · answered by DelK 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Darling don't take on board all these do gooders advice, I'm an ALcoholic sober now for 24 years.The best advice i can give you is to heal yourself, support through al-anon these ppl have all been in the same situation as you, and they are a wonderful organization, very supportive, it's a bloody nightmare living with a practicing alcoholic,so leaving him was a smart option, you have one life only and you don't need to go down to the sewers with him, as his disease affects everyone around him.Go out with this man and you just have a wonderful time, i don't feel you are cheating on your husband you haven't slept with this man, so how is that cheating, also you have been separated for 2 yrs, time for a divorce and start another chapter on a fresh note, just make sure this friend of yours isn't a drinker as well, lol.Have a great time, and seriously go to AL-anon, you wont regret it. Amazon.
2006-08-03 16:18:18 · answer #2 · answered by mojaveeamazon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a father who is the same way as your husband and I advised my mother to leave i felt sorry for her he even as much as went to detox and that didnt fix him you can fix an alcoholic, that never change and in most cases get worse!! I think you should definetly get out on the market and browse search your area and find a man even if he is just a friend honestly your children dont want to see thier folks separated but they dont want to see them hating eachother even more!!! theyll be happy to see you live a normal life again so DO IT
2006-08-03 15:28:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are seperated your not cheating, your only married by a piece of paper. And if you've been seperated that amount of time I doubt that's wrong, the only sad thing is having children invovled. Well my sister had the almost exact if not a worse situation, he started injecting drugs into my nephews, and about July last year my sister seperated and since than she's been in another relationship.
2006-08-03 15:34:46 · answer #4 · answered by Stay-funny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get him to counseling. I've had alcoholics in my family and counsling is great. See if their is an alternative. Say he needs to sober up or that's it. You know what to do. You know inside how bad it is. What type of verbal abuse? Is it rare that there is verbal abuse or is it every day? Some alcoholics are much worse than others. You've got to make the choice because we don't see what goes on every day.
2006-08-03 15:38:42 · answer #5 · answered by thunderbomb90 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were still living with your husband, then l would have to say it would be very wrong, but you have been seperated for 2 yrs.That is 2 yrs that your husband could have got his life back on track, and he has chosen not to.What is holding you back from having some happyness.Got for it.Your husband seems to not want to help himself, so how can anyone else help him.hope it all works out for you and you find what you are looking for.
2006-08-03 15:33:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have been separated for 2 yrs. You need to decide if you want a divorce and move on. You have been separated long enough to see some one else.
2006-08-03 15:30:10 · answer #7 · answered by Lilybell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Adultery is worse than Alcoholism, legally and morally. But tell your husband you want out. It might sober him up. Even after sufficient warning if he does not mend his ways, file for divorce. That may be a more honorable course. Less traumatic for all.
But, I understand, life is not that simple. You misery is understandable. Pray to God. I pray for you too.
2006-08-03 15:31:23 · answer #8 · answered by VedBard 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't see any one else while married to him even if you are separated from him, that is still cheating. Get a divorce and then see who you want to see.
2006-08-03 15:48:26 · answer #9 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just left a realtionship like the one you are explaining and I want you to know that you cant spend the rest of your life waiting for him to get better or start going to AA meetings because he will say that he will go or that he knows that he has a problem and he will work on it and then just hide he drinking for a while until he gets tiered of hiding it. You need to think of yourself and your children in this. The kids want you to be happy and loved.So go find your happiness. you deserve it girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-08-03 15:46:05 · answer #10 · answered by tinkerbell 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋