What is the best way to help my mom?

Question

4 minutes ago


What is the best way to help my mom?

My mom has breast cancer. Her cancer was pretty advanced when she was diagnosed 3 years ago and she was on chemo until recently. My sister just told me that they want to do a liver biopsy to see if the cancer has spread to her liver and they also want her to go back on chemo.

My dad is retired and he takes care of her during the day. His health is at about 80% these days. I have a sister who lives at home and works full time and a sister who lives about 5 minutes away. They both help take care of her as best they can. I live in another state about 3 hours away. I talk to my mom almost everyday, but I want to be there for and I feel kind of helpless in a way.

She took great care of us growing up and I really want to be able to do the same for her. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

make her a scrapbook and a blanket with lots of memories on it or in it.....(have you seen the movie "Stepmom"?) give to her and with all your sisters and sit around and make a precious moment for you all to last a lifetime.
May God be with you every second of every day and I pray you say the same for your momma everyday (by your question) I am positive you do.....she is blessed to have wonderful kids who want whats best for her....God smiles upon her and you....she is strong.

Answer 2

I know how you feel. I lost my Grandmother, who raised me, to Cancer in 2004. The doctor's told us in December of 2003 she would have at least a year or two. I was 7 months pregnant when we found out she had cancer and 2600 miles away. I didn't know what to do. As Jan then Feb. passed, my grandmother grew very sick very fast, but I was due to have a Cesarean in a week if the baby didn't come, so I couldn't fly to see her. When my baby was born March 3, 2004 we drove down a week later to see my grandmother and she was already leaving this world and I couldn't even talk to her and know that she heard me. So all I can say is if you are just 3 hours away make as much time as possible for her and let her know how very much you appreciate her and love her. You never know when Cancer will strike and I am so sorry you and your family must deal with this painful disease. Warm wishes to you and your family and especially your mother.

Answer 3

3 hours is not that far. Try going home on the weekends or at least every other weekend. This will give your siblings a break and provide you and your mom some quality time together. You might try some support groups to get some ideas from people that have experienced this. I take care of my parents. I have two brothers and a sister, they all live out of state. But they come home as often as they can. It gives me a lot of relief when they are here.
You sound like a very loving and compassionate daughter and I am sure your daily phone calls are appreciated.

Answer 4

First of all, I'm sad to hear about your misfortune. My mom died of cancer right before I graduated from high school and it was the hardest time of my life.

To help your mom, always be there for her. Do little extra things like if you out at the store, stop and by her a card saying get well, or buy her favorite flowers or candy and send it to her. Just do this very often. And try to visit her whenever you can. Your mom will appreciate this!

Answer 5

First of all I'm truely sorry about your mom. I know precisely what your going through as I went through the same exact thing. My mom had cancer, although it was lung cancer, and I to like you, lived in another state about three hours away. If you are as close to your mom as you sound, trust me, your mom knows that you love her and the last thing that she wants is for you to feel guilty about not being there as much as you would like, I'm sure that she understands that you have a life to live--I would have quit my job and stayed with my mom in a second if she would have let me, but she didn't want that. She didn't want to be a "burden" , not that I could ever think she was. The only thing I can suggest to you is that you share with her all of your thoughts, feelings and concerns. Be sure to remind her that you love her every day. Even talking to you on the phone more than likely brightens her day. Try and get there as much as you canbut don't torture yourself if you can't as much as you would like too. I tried to get there every weekend but sometimes it just wasn't possible. I'm sure she knows you love her and would be there more if you could. Just be thankful for the time you do have together...cherish it....and most of all don't feel guilty about not being there in person all the time. As long as you talk to her frequently and would be there in a second if she asked you to, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Any kind of cancer, no matter how advanced, sure does make you feel helpless because there is really nothing anyone can do but pray and live each day to the fullest. I know exactly how your feeling and what your going through, so if you really ever need someone to talk to, just to listen or a shoulder to cry on, please don't hesitate to email me ([e-mail]) My prayers are with you and your mom. Try to hang in there -your stronger than you realize.

Answer 6

I cried reading this..I've been through the same exact thing girl I say just b there for her send her little care packages if you can't b there...if u can go on the weekend or anyday I say make the trip just to give her a hug and tha'ts it no crying or worring just to give her a hug tell her u were in town for a seminar or something cause if she is like my Grandma was she will think something is wrong with you if she knows u came all that way just for that..sorry for the long answer

Answer 7

Are you able to move closer to her or do you have a family of your own? If you are single, perhaps you can relocate. Can you afford to hire someone to go and help your dad with your mom's care? Or even someone to clean the house?
You can also help by continuing to call your mom and send notes of encouragement to her. There are Komen Race for the Cures in states all around the country. They are 5k's. You could sign up to run or walk the race and get sponsors in your mom's wonder. You could wear a t-shirt with a pic. of your mom on it to show your support for her. Other breast cancer events are The Revlon Breast Cancer races and City of Hope runs. Then there is the big Avon 100 mile walk. By participating in one of these events, you are helping to find cures for your mom's cancer. (There are also races to find a cure for liver cancer.)
Bless you for wanting to help your mom and I will be praying for your family!

Answer 8

Can't you move to be nearer to your Mum ??
I don't know if you live on your own or you've got a family there. I mean, if you're married or have kids.
If you can't, try with the Internet. Try to be in contact with her with a video chat. It's important to you and to her to feel as close as possible.
If your sisters take care of her Why don't you talk to them and suggest to stay at the weekend and give them any free time.
Of course pray for her and ask other people to do it. She'll feel it.

Answer 9

though it might seem difficult to work out, try to visit her every weekend, and if she asks why, just tell her that it's because you want to be with her, and she'll thank you for it. Also, call her daily, just to say hi and that you love her... other than that, all you can do is (if you are religious) pray for her health as often as possible.......... sometimes when someone is hurting, whether it be physical, emotional, or a pain that is out of their ability to fix, knowing that someone is there who loves them helps all the more...... so pick up the phone and give her a ring...

Answer 10

Move back ...before my mom passed I would lay on the floor with her and talk for hours....I was scared that when she died I would have questions only a mother would know how to answer...I didn't want to miss anything....and the one thing I miss about my mom is how she would hold my hands when we talked....She was weak but her hands were strong...She died in 1990...sometimes I feel her holding my hands when I need a little comfort in my life still today!!! Makes everything else seem small when I feel her strenth with me!!!!

Answer 11

Just talking to her is enough, talk to your sisters, invite your sisters over for a Mimi vacation. the little things you do count, send flowers ,or her favorite movies etc,etc. Just take care of your sisters and dad, send them a funny card, let them know you care. Don't feel helpless, your family knows your situation, .
Good Luck! you and your family are in my prayers.