My husband and I have an almost 4 year daughter. We have had marital problems and I don't know if we should have another child, but I would like to have another one. I know that all marriages have problems, but how do you know if the problems are bad enough that we should consider NOT having another child together. Also, I don't want our daugther to be an only child, but I want to do the right thing for all parties involved.
2006-08-03 13:02:03 · 46 answers · asked by hrmom02 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
If you have ANY doubts then the answer would be, yes, wait. I don't know the problems you and your husband are having, only you know that... think about what adding a new child would do. Can YOU stand the strain? Would it be fair to your present child, and your hypothetical second child? You want to be the best mommy you can be, and if you are having problems in your marriage right now... it doesn't bode well for you being in top form mentally or spiritually.
I understand wanting to have another child. I know that my situation does not warrant that right now. If it never happens, I have the blessing of my son Ben.
Good luck to you, whatever you decide.
2006-08-03 13:10:43 · answer #1 · answered by Rachel Y 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on how big the problems are. If you love eachother and are sure you are going to be with him then have another child. If you aren't so sure about the future then don't have another child. If the home is unstable for you, imagine how it is for your children. Often bringing another child into an already fragile marriage can create stress and what you don't need right now is stress. Trying to raise a four year old, a new born, trying to keep together a somewhat rocky relationship, and dealing with everyday things life has to throw at you. How fun does that sound? Ultimately you need to do whats best for you and your daughter. If having another child would be right then go ahead but if it would only add to the problems then don't.
2006-08-03 13:12:04 · answer #2 · answered by K<3C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know the def. of martial, but it sounds like your husband is in the war. So, you could have another child. Just go on your instincts. I'm sure you'll get through this tough time well enough. You conscious is always the best guide. Good luck in getting this problem resolved. I'm an only child and sometimes I wish I had a brother/sister. FYI - Counselors don't fix everything. Try to fix this problem on your own first. Don't rely on someone else's advice. You need to be independent. Oh, you don't like this guy, so it's not about a war. Wait until you have feelings for him again to have another child. You should try your best to work things out for the sake of the child you already have and you should try and resolve things with your husband according to the Bible. In this case counseling would be a good idea. Sorry for the conflicting info. Finding out new stuff all the time.
2006-08-03 13:06:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right that all marriages have problems. The trick is figuring out if your problems are ones that you and your husband can work through. Until you have a clear answer to that question it is unfair to bring another baby into the mix. Yes, you may want to have another baby and a sibling for your daughter, but sometimes we have to put our own wishes aside and do what is best for someone else. In this case, the future baby.
If you are having doubts maybe you could schedule an appointment to go in and talk to a marriage therapist. I think if you two can sit down for a session or two with a profession perhaps you can get a clearer idea of the situation.
2006-08-03 13:11:19 · answer #4 · answered by norsktjej1964 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If having marital problems. No, should not have another child until those problems are solved.
This is a question to discuss and have with your husband. After all, he is the one that is also in the decision. Not just you. Even if your daughter wants a baby brother or sister or you want another child. He might not and if you do anyways, that will cause more marital problems.
If the problems deal with financial, then that is a clear sign to not have another child until you both agree can afford.
If the problems deal with time and effort, that is a clear sign to not have another child until you both agree you both have time and enough energy.
Having another child does not solve marital problems.
You have awhile before having another child. My sister was 7 before my mom had my brother. Then two years later had me unplanned.
2006-08-03 13:09:57 · answer #5 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't use a child to save your marriage, get that straight first. And make sure your husband agrees with another child, because it's not a nice surprise if he didn't have a say in something so big. If he agrees on the two of you having another baby it is likelier also that he wants that things between you two work out.
2006-08-03 13:10:12 · answer #6 · answered by groovusy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't have a child unless you both are ready, no questions to be asked. If you two have problems, it could be a lot of things and may not lead to divorce, but a child could had more fuel to the fire. You are right, everyone has problems, but you need to look and see if you have doubts. If you have doubts then it's not the right thing to do. I think it would break your heart to have a child and you two still end up fighting and get a divorce with two children. Work on you two first, because it would really be awful for your children to see you and him both going through girl/boy friend after girl/boyfriend because they would grow up and think it's okay to have several partners.
2006-08-03 13:09:56 · answer #7 · answered by bridetobebrandie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The right thing to do for all parties involved is to further consider whether adding an additional party will "make everything better." Your daughter having a sibling is not as important as your daughter having as happy and fulfilled life as possible. You SHOULD wait to get pregnant. Seek marriage counseling with your husband first and then make up your mind about what would be best for all.
2006-08-03 13:06:05 · answer #8 · answered by ♪ ♥ ♪ ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should wait to have a child at least until your problems are resolved. Try talking to a marriage counselor about it, at least once. Or even a pastor, if you go to church and stuff. If there is any indication that your marriage cannot handle a little extra stress, then hold off. If the problems can be resolved, and you're both working on it, go ahead and discuss it. If any stress comes up, it's probably a bad time.
2006-08-03 14:17:04 · answer #9 · answered by criticalcatalyst 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all ask yourself if it's possible to sit down and talk about the problems. if not and if there is any violence in the marriage i suggest you wait to have a child for a while longer .your daughter is kindergarten age so if she doesn't already go to one , book her in so she can have daytime companionship of other children . do you feel that your marriage is over? have you tried counselling ? if you've done all this then i would tell your husband that whatever his problem is has to stop or the marriage is over. start now to put aside a few dollars to create a fund for yourself and child should you have to leave suddenly.don't tell your girlfriends too much about your plans for the future as they will be the first people your husband will go to to find you ,if you leave him
2006-08-03 13:12:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋