How hard is it raising children?

Question

Hi, I am 23 yrs old and I've been with my bf for 6 yrs. So, far we live together nothing else. I always think about the future and having kids. And I get so scared and start having all these thoughts. Such as how do i know if I am punshing them right? If they want a pierceing is it ok (depending the age)? If they want to go to the movies with some friends should I let her/him? I feel like who's going to guide me thru this. I dont have kids so I dont know how it is to be a parent. I know you go learning with years but, it so scary. My aunt was so strict with my cousins that when they turned 18 they both left the house. And thats what I am scared of. That I am not a good parent and they hate me or that I am too nice and they take advantage. You as a parent how do you balance from being nice to being strict. And what rules do you set and example for your children?

Answer 1

First thing... age and length of a relationship..should not guide whether or not you should have a child. If you have a child, you have it because you want the pleasure and torture that having a child will bring you.

Children bring.... every range of emotion. If you are not prepared to live your life so that you are providing for your children... then you aren't ready. After you have a child, you will be giving your heart, sole, and body to this child. If you fail...they will fail. If they fail... it's likely that you have failed. Having children is one of the greatest feelings in the world. Raising them is one of the greatest challenges. Some people freak out because they can't handle the concept that this is their opportunity to "make" a person. That they will influence how this child developes. Others grasp this task by the horns and welcome the challenge... and seek to make their child well rounded and well liked. If you choose to have kids, do so with the purpose of giving that child the opportunities that you never had.

THIS is what I am doing / intend to do.
When raising a child... make them earn things. If you start from the beginning.. they wont know anything else. They will know that making bad decisions will cost them. Good decisions can (but not necessarily always will) be rewarded. If they want the newest gadget and gizmo, they must earn it (you decide how). Give them a good moral upbringing. I'm not religious...but I know I want my children to be brought up with a belief that treating other people fairly is the only way to live. This means I will encourage my kids to explore religions and make their own decisions (this also teaches them to not follow the crowd). Education can be started from day 1 and should be encouraged throughout the childs life.

Punishments... should be only severe enough to teach a lesson. If a child deserves a punishment, it should only be severe enough to make the child less inclined to do that activity again. Punishments should change to meet the various stages your child may be at. If a particular punishment is not working... try new ones. Grounding a child when they toys or games that can entertain them will not be punishment enough. Entertainment must be taken away and replaced with chores so that the child learns from their mistakes (and... well... now you dont have to mow the lawn!)

I dont know.... raising children is up to the parent. I just know what worked with me... what didn't...and I've seen others raise some great kids....and some horrible ones. Observing others and how they interact with their kids will help you to develope a guide for how you want to interact with your own.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

If you've been with your bf for 6 years (that's a long time!) and are already so concerned about the kind of parent you're going to be like (although you don't even sound like you're going to have a child any time soon), I think you should concentrate on the present first before fretting about the future.

In the first place, after 6 years, he needs to become more that just a "live together, nothing else" kind of bf. You need some sort of commitment at this phase of your relationship, even if you're not talking about marriage.

Second, you should be talking to him about the future and having kids, not to strangers. Share with him the fears and thoughts you have that you've so eloquently shared with us, and start a discussion of all of this with him.

Once your relationship with your partner is settled and more permanent, then you can start thinking about having kids and how to handle them. Think how much nicer it would be to bring children into such a stable environment.

In the third place, through the concerned way you sounded about how you're going to raise your children, I can tell you're going to do just fine in that department anyway. Your caring is going to help you through it, and with it, you'll find the right guides, may it be through books or getting advice from other people.

But don't put the cart before the horse; your current concern should not yet be what kind of mother you're going to be. See first about the possibility of a long-term committed relationship with your bf, if he's even interested in one, and if you both see yourselves together with children in the near/far future.

Answer 3

I think the hardest thing about having so many children, so close together in age, is that you will have 3 non-walkers in your house. You or your girlfriend wouldn't be able to go anywhere alone for a while, unless you took a very large stroller :) It will be hard right now. Having said that, they will likely be a close knit group, since they are so close in age. It will be a challenge for a little while, but pretty soon, it will be all you know and become second nature to take care of 3 little ones. Most people can adapt. Good luck!

Answer 4

I am married and 25. We had our 1st child at 17. Although I was way to young, our daughter got everything we could get her with our love. I always stayed home and had my own daycare. I don't at all believe it is a good idea to have children at a young age. I however made it and am very happy.The best thing you can do for your child is spend time with them.
I always had a hard time saying no. But I never wanted my children to be horrible. I think the best thing you can do is love your children when you have them. As long as you try and show them the real reason of life, your child will be as great as you are. Maybe even greater.
Have a great time with-out children. But my gosh don't wait to long they are such a blessing.
I know have 2. And we are done God blessed us with a girl and boy

Answer 5

Being a Christian woman and having a degree in Early Childhood Education, and having a son, I have come to realize that the best thing you can do as a parent is pray for your children everyday and give them the rock, the sound foundation of them at least knowing that God and Jesus loves them and He wants us to do the right things. Doesn't the Bible say to train up a child in the way that he should go and he when he is old he will not depart from it!

Answer 6

I am a divorced Dad of a six year old girl, Let me tell you you need to not stress, This will give a better feeling than anything you have ever experienced. There will be scary times, like there first high fever. or the first time they get the flu. The most difficult thing is when you have to take the child in for there first series of shots,but you will get through it. Whatever you do give your child a lot of love....

Answer 7

Parenting is very difficult but initially when you have a child instincts kick in and then when it comes to discipline, teachings, etc. you have time to adjust and define. It will always depend on your viewpoints and the child. Focus on the big things such as right from wrong, respect, etc. and the rest should follow.

Answer 8

you can get good books on parenting to help, or take classes at your local recreation center.

setting limits with children is important. children also like consistency. and children need to be taught to understand why politeness and good manners are important.

but also important is recognizing what child abuse is and avoiding doing it. this includes hitting (physical abuse) and yelling (emotional abuse). my guess is that your aunt abused your cousins.

you sound like a very conscientious person, so I think you will do well. and you're at the perfect age to start a family.

as for piercings, that is up to you and what you believe personally. there is no "appropriate age" for everyone for piercings. setting the limit that they cannot get it done while teenagers is a good limit to set though. once they are legal adults then it's their bodies.

Answer 9

My suggestions:

1. Take a parenting course.
2. Work at a daycare.
3. Work in a church nursery.
4. Work at a school.
5. Read up on child psychology..

Once you've survived these experiences, your questions will hopefully be answered.

Answer 10

Parenting isn't the easiest thing in the world, but it does come naturally. You kind of have to just play the parenting game and learn from your mistakes. However, parenting is the biggest joy you will ever know =)