Christians: What do you say to the spiritually abused?

Question

I get together with a guy every few weeks and he’s had a tough life. He was raised in a Christian home and was a committed Christian. He says he was a nerd growing up. He was abused at home and was picked on at school and church. Even pastor’s son would beat him up. As a young man he started losing his eyesight and was hospitalized. His parents, pastor and “friends” told him that God was punishing him and that if he prayed and repented God would heal him. He would know he was forgiven when he was healed. He never was healed (he is blind in one eye). He became depressed and suicidal. He was committed to an institution. There he was raped repeatedly by a worker. He literally escaped and started living on his own.

He says, “God hates me.”, but he’s afraid to give up on Christianity. He says church or even hearing the name Jesus makes him feel physically ill. What do you say to this sort of person? Would a loving God send this guy to hell if he can't make his peace with Christianity?

He dropped this all on me the other night (I’ve known him about a year). Now I’m a Pagan so I’m not vested in getting him to go back to a Christian Church. I’d like to see him find some sort of peace spiritually and that is what I’m encouraging him to do. Anyway, I’d like to hear what the Christian community here has to say.

You don't have to believe it.

Lots of great answers here. I've printed out some and I'm going to pass them on to him. Thanks for taking the time to answer the question.

Peace,
Pabs

Answer 1

I would say that God and Jesus have nothing to do with the earthly Church. You can't depend on the earthly Church, only God and yourself.

God doesn't cause the problems or punish in this way, he's supposed to give you the strength to survive your problems. And, the Pentecost is about love in your heart, not about healing or speaking in tongues.

I'm really sorry about the experience your friend has had. My Dad, a pastor, died to get away from wacko Christians who were large Church donors because he just couldn't take it any more. He technically died of something else but the real cause is just that. And, I'm from a mainstream denomination which is routinely infiltrated by the likes of what your friend has dealt with.

I left the Church for 20 years because of these and other wackos (hypocrites, yes, but no abuse, per se) and came back to find many other disgusting things along with a few good ones. I feel bound to a Jesus path because I had a vision of Jesus calling, when I was frustrated and thinking of going back to paganism, (I had returned to my Church of birth on a "lark"). However, I am not bound to the Church and am back outside of it. I am bound to try to follow a Jesus path and bound to God, but not to an earthly Church.

Preachers kids or "pks" are notorious for being "two faced" though I'm sure not all are. I was lucky enough to spend the first 13 years of my life as a professor's kid and not a pk. And, in fact, my sister who spent the first 6 years as a pk is "two faced". My grandfather was a pastor too, but before my Dad was born.

He might think of Amida Buddhism. I believe that Amida Buddha is a Japanese version of Jesus. If you look at the timing and who translated the Buddhist texts which went to Japan this makes sense. It's also called Pureland Buddhism. I went to a Amida temple in Tokyo and the energy was so good I woke up and wanted to go back each day. Then I read about all of this. Amida Buddha/Buddhism came into being after Jesus. Regular Buddhism was pre-Jesus.

I just thought of this because if the name Jesus mades him ill then perhaps calling upon Amida instead would be better. Belief in God is enough, and doing what's good is enough. The Jesus path is just supposed to be an easier safer path - easier in the sense that you don't risk falling into darker magic. For your friend, this hasn't been the case.

Also, if he feels ok with calling on God it's good enough for God is a trinity of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Jesus is the earthly emanation of God. Many seem to forget the trinity and only talk about Jesus or only about the Holy Spirit. There is also the possibility of calling Jesus as in Latin or Spanish Yesus or even Joshua. The Lord's Prayer starts off as "Our Father... " which bypasses using God or Jesus.

I think that reading as much about Jesus as he can and theology as he can would help. There is actually a book called Jesus against Christianity - don't know if it's good since I haven't read it, but the name comes to mind. If he could find a "good" Christian pastor to help him - those do exist but are hard sometimes to find. You will have to investigate this in your area.

Some people have found comfort in the book "Why Bad Things Happen to Good People" by Kushner, a Jewish Rabbi. Personally, I like "The Will of God" by Leslie Weatherhead. I don't know if he likes the Old Testament Book of Job - maybe you need to read it first to see if it would be good.

Job suffered greatly and all of his friends said he must have done something bad, but it was a test of his faith in God. Job held fast in his faith and everything was ok. Of course, Job got his health and wealth restored so in this sense maybe it's not a good book to read. That's why I thought you might want to read it first and see.

Mostly, it's important to know that God loves him and this is all that matters - him and God. Forget about all of the fake Christians.

Answer 2

I am a Catholic although I do not go to church I do pray to got everyday. This persons story has touched my heart. God was not doing this to him, The evil around him was. This is so sad I will honestly pray for this person. He has to realize god doesnt punish he loves all people. Look what he had to go through. I would take his mind off all this and let him know that today is another day... That is all in the past. He can do whatever he wants to now. Maybe if u take him to another church or have him speak with someone about everything that might help. But in the mean time I will pray for him to feel betterJesus loves him. This sucks. Words cant even explain how I feel about this situation. I feel so bad about what happened. He is lucky to have a good friend like u stay by his side he need love!

Answer 3

The first thing you can tell him is that God does not hate him, though I understand why he would feel this way. When it comes to hardships, no matter how severe, we must turn to God.
The problem I am facing in trying to answer this question is that you are not a Christian and he needs someone who is deeply grounded in the word of God to minister to his needs. Someone who is trained to deal with this kind of thing. A Christian counselor or pastor if he can get past his fear.
And maybe that is the answer, perhaps you cannot help him, though I believe you want to. If you truly want to see him spiritually healed, you who are not spiritual cannot do it. You can quote bible verses to him all day but if you don't believe them, what will it matter?
His friends that told him that God was punishing him clearly did not have an understanding of God. while God does reserve the right to punish us we know, "God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Rom 8: 28)
There was no punishing going on and he needs to find a place where people who know the bible can restore him. I don't think you can help him in a spiritual way, I really don't. Be there for him, encourage him, but perhaps it would be best if you encouraged him in the direction of Christian counseling or prayer ministry.
Go to this website:
http://www.theophostic.com/
I know several people that this has helped dramatically. Perhaps it is what your friend needs. I hope this has been of some help.
God bless

Answer 4

As with all things religious, there are always those people that take things way too far. My parents have some neighbors that are fruitloops. When they get home from church on Sunday the dad can be heard screaming at the kids "What did you do for God today?" You can hear what sounds like screaming coming from the kids as he yells it over and over. So I do believe the story posted is possible. I have a hard time with people who do such things. That is not a Christian in my book and they give the rest of us a bad name.

I don't believe that God hates him. I think he's had some dealings with Satans minions and they are testing his faith. He doesn't need to make peace with Christianity, he needs to go back to Jesus. We don't have to do anything other than believe that Jesus was sent as our Saviour and accept him as such. I personally would not listen to people who obviously don't really know the Lord or what the Bible teaches.

Answer 5

No one is going to hell so he doesn't need to make peace with Christianity or God to avoid that. I'm a Christian but I also don't like church and do not go. Church is often one of the most depressing places to be because of the judgmental attitudes there. Tell him to get or purchase for him the book "Furious Pursuit" by Tim King and Frank Martin. Based on what you've told me this book will probably help him a lot. Many people have a misunderstanding of the character of God.

Answer 6

I would advise him to read the book of Jonah (about a man who felt God was against him and suffered a great deal).

And I would suggest that he get into a church that isn't so bent on faith healing. There are lots of them, but I won't suggest one because a lot depends on the location which parish would be best for him.

I went to a faith healing mass last year, and I was not satisfied with their approach, either. It is a wonderful thing to have that kind of faith, and to be healed. However, when it doesn't work, the person ends up feeling rejected by God.

He needs to know that God.... and Christianity... are not the problem. And that he is not the problem. He was surrounded by horrible people who were trying hard to "get religion".... not understanding that God is LOVE. He needs to find some very nice people. Tell him not to quit looking. We are out here.

Answer 7

I, for one, do believe this story.

What happened to him was horrid. From what you have told me, this man is not to blame for anything that happened. That is the first thing he needs to understand. Second, the people who abused him were very wrong (for lack of a stronger word) to do so. What they told him, especially about his illness being a punishment, is false. Actually, this guy sounds as if he grew up in a very twisted Christian cult. For a Christian story to counter what his pastor told him about his illness, try the story of Job.

I'm a Catholic. I know it sounds ironic that I'm talking about evil that has gone on in other Christian churches because of all the sex scandals going on in my own Church. But let me say this: there are still good Christians out there who are trying to counteract the abuse going on inside their churches. I understand that you're not terribly keen on making sure this man stays within the Christain church, but know that there are people within the Christian community (I am one) who want to repair the damage caused by abuse.

As for whether or not you friend's going to go to hell, I can't say. It is impossible for a man, barring some divine intervention, to know the state of another man's soul. Your friend's situation bring even more complications than usual to a judgment like this, because I have no idea how culpable he would be for abandoning Christianity after what happened. However, I do think that Christianity is the surest way to heaven.

Try to get him some solid Christian guidance, since his experience with Christianity is incongruous what Jesus preached. Maybe if he sees what a good church is like, he'll be able to accept it and put some closure on his past.

Best of wishes for your friend. Pax.

Answer 8

man that is rough.... but i gotta give something here... okay your friend has had a horrible life, and obviously has had experiences with some so called Christians who weren't going by what Christ himself preached....
They have twisted his thinking on the subject and that is horrible because Jesus is the only way into heaven.... ( i know you aren't christian but you asked)
I think your friend needs to be exposed to more Christians.... not just the ones he grew up around... we are not the root of all evil, and we don't all judge and condemn people... he needs to see some good Christians leading a good example... loving, caring, and not condemning....
maybe if you could help him find a christian counselor, and maybe he could get into a group setting (after he has been with the counselor some) he could feel safer and less threatened...
Jesus was a very loving, forgiving, and kind man... he spent most of his time here on earth with the people that either went directly against what he taught or hated him because he wanted to be an example to them on how to live....
anyway, i will pray for your friend because it really disturbs me how mean some people can be...
i hope something i said here helps, not sure if it will, I'm just totally disturbed at what people will do to other human beings and think they are doing what God wants in some twisted way...

Answer 9

First,
You must convince him that he was the subject of human abuse, not abuse from God. The people that did this to him were evil. They claimed to be Christian just as the wolf tried to claim he was Red Riding Hood's grandmother.
The God of the bible doesn't condone any such behavior and those people were ministers of Satan no matter what they called themselves.

Your friend is innocent and needs to know that the abuse WAS NOT HIS FAULT!!!! Abused people hate themselves because they take the blame for what has happened to them.

The best thing you can do is show him compassion, caring, love and listen to him even if you don't have the answers. Just you being his friend will help him gain confidence in himself.

He needs to find a good church with honest people.
Who says this guy is going to hell? We can't make that judgment. God is just and understands people. No one can say if this guy is going to heaven or hell. It is not our place to do so.

We can only say such things with certainty if we see a clear lifestyle either for or against God. Even then, there are things inside a person's heart that only God knows. On the surface, some pastors are good, Godly men to us. But God sees the hidden things that we can't see.

This guy will need a life long of therapy. What might help him is support groups with people who have gone through the same things. Unfortunately, many churches are too scared to bring these things out in the open. It is a shame to them, because that's what the church's real purpose is; not men's breakfasts and whatnot.

Eventually, your friend will be a powerful Christian if he overcomes his abuse. He can help dozens, hundreds or even thousands of people who have experienced this kind of abuse.

You may contact me if you need more guidance. I might be able to help you find honest Christians somehwere that can help. And I can help you with counselling so you're not in this alone.

Thanks for caring for your friend.
God bless,
Sal

Answer 10

This poor guy was subjected to a very perverted and distorted view of Christianity. When you have a physical ailment, God isn't punishing you!!!

The Bible says "God is a spirit..." God and religion in general are on a spiritual level; the laws of physics and biology and all that are still in effect for all of us! A medical problem is biological and has no effect or correlation or anything to do with spirituality or religion.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian. Jesus taught love and He didn't teach condemnation. Your friend needs to realize that Christianity is about forgiveness and salvation, not about blame and guilt. His parents and others who picked on him, made him feel guilty, and institutionalized him were not acting in a Christ-like fashion. Jesus never did that to anybody.

Answer 11

It sickens me to the stomach to think of this happening to someone. I am so sorry that he had such a terrible experience of what should be so different. God IS love, but sadly some Christians hammer home the fact that God is out to punish them, rather than tell people about God's love, which is unconditional. He loves the sinner, but hates our sin, and so when we have reached out to God for forgiveness of sins, He sees us as clothed in His righteousness. Yes, we need to come to Him each day, and keep short accounts with God. The Bible says:- If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. God does not punish us, He disciplines us, but that is not like a punishment.

God does not hate anyone! He has made a way for people to be restored, healed and forgiven.