A tough one to answer ?

Question

I was the best mate at my friends wedding a few years ago, I have known him for 8 years and we are good mates.
About 3 months after he was married, he had a fling with a girl that I worked with. He told me about the affair & to be honest I would have rather not known.
To this day I have not told his wife, who I have also known for around 8 years. The reason why I did not tell her is because I did not want to be the one to have to tell her & ruin her marriage so soon after she got married.
He has put me in a very difficult situation, one which I had no choice in. I have told him that if it ever does come out & if he dragged me into it, our friendship would be over, as I dont need friends like that.
Do you think I did the right thing not telling his wife about it? Or should I have told her ?
Another reason why I did not tell her is because a lot of people would have got hurt. i.e her parents, brothers, sisters, etc, etc. (around 15 people in all)

Answer 1

My cousin flirted strung my best friend(my now love he didnt cheat on me we were only friends then)until i found out she had married a guy secretly i had introduced her a year back.It hurt so much.When i told him(i didnt tell her husband since i didnt want to ruin their marriage)he called her up but she blasted,abused,hung up on him making it seem like i was the bad guy.We got over it its been 5yrs my best friend my love & i are together we are in love.My cousin in turn i stopped kicked her out of my life till today she tries to make peace sends family to make peace without telling them why.She hasnt told her husband i havent told her husband wont tell it.I dont want to ruin a marriage period however bad or she was with my love.Your a wonderful man i know there are times i get angry frustrated wondering why i didnt tell him but then i remind myself i would have broken up a marriage.So its hard to find guys like u ur wonderful u thought about his wife instead of her stupid cheating husband.In todays day and age hard to find good principled guys like u god bless u.

Answer 2

You've done the right thing already, being respectful. Nobody would want that burden on their shoulders and eventually your friend will be caught and then he will come running to you for advice.

Best advice you can give a cheating friend is the reality check advice. Ask him, "So, you initiated the affair in the first place, right?"... Then he will eventually get the point that he made the mistake on himself and he has to rectify it to his wife.

Yes, we do feel sorry for the wife here. Who wouldn't. She must have the biggest heart in the world and not knowing that her husband is a bad boy will hurt her in the long run.

Best thing to do for his wife is to be the world's best friend to her. Tell her how much you respect her sense of Trust and her sense of People and make sure she understands that. She will be your friend forever then. It will help her when the stuff hits the fan too.

Doing the right thing sometimes means that we have to bite our tongue too. It isn't nice, i know, but it has to be done the right way.

You can warn her about safety issues whenever you can. Make sure she is on some kind of birth control and ask her if she is. Take all the precautions if you can with her in mind always. She will give you a big hug for that, someday too.

Answer 3

It is a tough decision, but I think you made the right choice. It is better to not get involved and getting everyone upset over it. Hopefully, your friend have remain clean and loyal to his wife after the fling. If he continues to play around, then I think you should say something because it's not right and he should be committed to his wife. If he wanted to fool around, why get marry in the first place. As long as you can stay sane and not feel guilty about not saying anything and everyone is happy the way things are right now, then just let this one go. Try and forget and forgive and move forward with the friendship. Good Luck.

Answer 4

In my opinion She needs to know but you are ina tought spot I would be pissed off if a friend didnt tell me that my mate cheated on me I with I would anonomously let her know some how get a free email online and make up a fake name for the info or company name and send her an email about it did he tell other people? if so then he wont know who told that really ****** up if he needed to be with other women then he should not have gotten married but thats neither here nor there if you keep it inside its going to eat you up inside you have to do whats right so she can make a choice no man or woman deserve to have a lying cheating mate it should come ouyt some how just be carefule how you do things too remeber thata friend who is didhonest to his mate will also be dishonest to you and he probaly is not a true friend i hada friend for 12 years and later found out she was not a true friend sad but true just be careful how you do this try email or if you know the girl who he cheated with pay someone to tell the girl and give her the number for his wife.It not fair to think you csan trust someone when they are out doing other people im sure he has done it again or will

Answer 5

You must convice him to come clean. Make him tell his wife, their marriage will never work out if its always based on lies. Tell him it is important for his wife to know the truth. If he just wont do it then you have the responsibility to tell her because she is your friend too. You know about it and you are not telling her, so you are also helping him keep it a secret from her and that is not right. Especially if they just got married. Do the right thing and tell him to confess or you do it.

Answer 6

not that this is any of my business but i think you did the right thing by not telling her. it's not you responsibility. if you "friend" really loves his wife then he will tell her and if they are meant to be hopefuly things will turn out for the best!! you have no reason to feel guilty and you should try and think about the positive things like if and when your "friend" tells her then she will break up with him and have someone better than him and worth her time! Good Luck!

Answer 7

your right, its not your responsibility to tell her, but she does have the right to know and i think she should, you dont have to tell her to where everyone will find out it was you, write a unknown letter or unknown phone call, because she really does need to know, think of it this way, if you were to tell her, and it hurt around 15 people, think how all those people would feel about her staying with a guy that does something like that. I think they would all rather see her happy then with a man who cheats and shows no remorce about it.

Answer 8

I think u are doing whats right with not telling her,it would just hurt her, and also ruin your friendship with him,but maybe you could have someone else drop little hints about what happened so she dont get hurt anymore, and i would go to your male friend and tell him that u dont ever want to know any stupid stuff he does anymore.

Answer 9

He didn't have to tell you...he put his trust in you that you wouldn't tell...your just being a trustworthy friend, its a tough thing to ask but you did the right thing for many reasons, not just because your his best mate.

Answer 10

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