I am NOT Passive Agressive just because I forget things?

Question

MY wife and I go around in circles on this one month after month. Something comes up to bother me and I keep it inside. Could be a broken car, a dog dying, or maybe just that I'm tired.

I then go around forgetting things and having my mind on something else. The trash might be emptied but I don't put it away. I promise to mail a letter, but forget to do it. She wants me to make a phone call to someone, and I forget.

Wife says these are all signs of trying to make her life a living hell. What do you think? Am I just being a typical "man", or is there a real mental illness here?

Answer 1

OK, calling people passive-aggressive is what someone does when you don't do what they want or mostly what you've promised. Of course you know you're not doing it to punish her or make her mad, but when she has to do the things you promised her YOU would do, of course she is irritated. and she thinks you do it on purpose. This is a terrible problem. You need to make sure not to FORGET your promises. If you can't remember, then don't promise. That is just rude and inconsiderate to promise then forget. Ask her to remind you instead of doing it herself. Then when she reminds you DO IT IMMEDIATELY instead of waiting for the future (cuz you will forget). You are being very inconsiderate and treating her badly and she is tired of doing all the work.

Answer 2

In the first place forgetting things is not passive agressive. Passive agressive is cleaning the toilet with your mates tooth brush or washing their thermos and not rinsing it before putting in the coffee. Men just have different priorities then women do. After all the Venus/Mars thing does have some merrit. Perhaps it would show her you are trying not to make her life hell if you would write down things she wants you to do so you don't forget so often. My husband is so consumes with making a living so we can live nice that his mind doesn't have room for little things like mailing a letter or taking out the trash. Maybe your problems are deeper than just your forgetting things. sounds like she harbors some resentment towards you. Good luck!

Answer 3

I find it interesting that you connect something going wrong in your life and then forgetting things your wife has requested. Seems passive agressive to me; but I'm not a therapist. It could also just be a man thing since small pictures in life don't always connect while your problems do because they are yours. YOu both might want to consider counseling to get to the bottom of why you do this and if there is a connection.

Answer 4

There may be some subconscious rebellion there. If you want to fix your forgetfulness, write yourself notes (I find my hand is a great place to do that because I can't lose it like I can post-its).

Sounds like your wife also has some issues, possibly insecurity--does she come from a divorced or single parent home? She doesn't trust you fully for whatever reason, which is why she's accusing you of sabotaging her life. You need to find more effective means of communicating what's on your mind...perhaps that might help her to trust you more, if she knows that you're behaving the way you are because something's on your mind.

Y'all might look into some counseling to work through those issues.

Answer 5

"Passive-aggressive behavior refers to passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to authoritative instructions in interpersonal or occupational situations. Sometimes a method of dealing with stress or frustration, it results in the person attacking other people in subtle, indirect, and seemingly passive ways. It can manifest itself as resentment, stubbornness, procrastination, sullenness, or intentional failure at doing requested tasks. For example, someone who is passive-aggressive might take so long to get ready for a party they do not wish to attend, that the party is nearly over by the time they arrive."

If you are purposely doing these things to confront someone indirectly then you might be passive-aggresive. But all of us procrastinate and are forgetful to some degree. It doesn't mean that you have a mental illness.

Try writing things down when your wife requests you to do them. If you have a cell phone, enter reminders in there. That's what I do to keep my mind on track. Good luck!

Answer 6

it sounds like you have so much on your mind that you cant focus on anything long enough to get it done.
you mentioned a dog dying, a broken car--those things are stressful to deal with and if you dont deal with them properly but instead chose to keep your thoughts and feelings inside you, how are you goign to make room for other things if your mind is cluttered already?
as far as your wife blaming you for making he life a livinghell, she should stop and try to understand that you are obiviously needing some help in the communication dept. and her blaming you is not a solution, if she can not or will not listen to you, find a councelor or therapist who will. you need to be able to find positiveoutlets for the stresses you have built up inside you so your life can be a bit more productive.
Good Luck

Answer 7

Seems that "something comes up" on a regular basis that causes you to forget not only the trash or the letter, but that you are married to another person and that you are not the only person in your life.

I wouldn't call it a "mental illness," but I would call it a psychological problem that you need to take care of. Self-absorbed comes to mind.

Answer 8

I forget things all the time, but I blame it on the 70's...

Answer 9

passive-aggressive is not because you forget something. passive aggressive is just what the name implies. passive=nice to someone when they are around. aggressive= talk bad about them when they are not there. synonym= two faced

Answer 10

BECAUSE YOU HAVE A TENDENCY TO KEEP YOUR REAL FEELINGS BOTTLED UP! IT WAS HOW YOU WERE RAISED. PROBABLY BECAUSE YOUR GENDER, WELL...CAN YOU SEE WHAT PROBLEMS YOU ARE CAUSING FOR YOURSELF, AND NOT TO MENTION YOUR WIFE. OPEN UP TO THE ONE YOU LOVE AND TRUST OR YOU WILL NOT HAVE THAT PROBLEM ANYMORE, AS YOUR WIFE WILL GO ELSEWHERE TO FIND SOLACE AND CARING.