Anybody know any really funny sayings, comebacks, or quotes?

Question

I jsut want to laugh, anyone know any funny quotes, comebacks, or sayings? let me know

Answer 1

"My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'."

Answer 2

Knocked Up.. That they had Eva Mendes and Katherine Heigl doing an interview. And Eva was once pronouncing how large and fats Heigl in view that she was pregnant they usually get on this little brawl on t.V .. And Katherine (Alison) goes, "You might wanna just shut your mouth" idk but i determined that hilarious.. It was once a deleted scene from Knocked up.. Additionally, another knocked up scene that was once hilarious.. Debbie: i am not gonna go to the tip of the f ucking line, who the f uck are you? I have simply as much of a correct to be here as any of those little s kanky girls. What, am I not s kanky sufficient for you, you want me to hike up my f ucking skirt? What the f uck is your obstacle? I am now not going wherever, you are just a few roided out freak with a f ucking clipboard. And your stupid little f ucking rope! You understand what, you'll have vigour now but you aren't god. You're a doorman, k. You are a doorman, doorman, doorman, doorman, doorman, so... F uck You! You f ucking f ag along with your f ucking little f aggy gloves. Doorman: i know... You are right. I am so sorry, I f uckin' hate this job. I do not wish to be the one to move judgement, make a decision who gets in. S hit makes me sick to my belly, I get the runs from the stress. It is now not motive you are not hot, I would like to faucet that a ss. I'd tear that a ss up. I are not able to let you in cause you are ancient as f uck. For this membership, you realize, now not for the earth. Debbie: What? Doorman: You historic, she pregnant. Cannot have a bunch of historic pregnant bitches walking around. That's crazy, i am simplest allowed to let in five percentage black humans. He mentioned that, that suggests if there is 25 people right here I get to let in a single and 1 / 4 black men and women. So I gotta hope there may be a midget within the crowd. And the entire American Pies had been enormously humorous! =)

Answer 3

Police humour is probably the weirdest in the world. If you did not laugh at certain things, you would probably go completely mad. For instance:

Many years ago, before modern technology, if a person was badly injured in a car accident, the telephonist (a police officer) would have to phone the hospital for a current report on the patient: It would go something like this: 8am: Slightly better.
9am: Still improving. 10am: Critical. 11am: Close to death.
12noon: Dead. Then some bright spark would continue. 1pm: Still dead. 2pm: Still dead......... and this would sometimes go on for days...................

Or how about: 'The problem is' she said 'that men reach their sexual peak at twenty-two, whilst women don't reach theirs until twenty-past'..........................

Answer 4

Knocked Up.. that they had Eva Mendes and Katherine Heigl doing an interview. and Eva became into asserting how massive and fat Heigl in view that she became into pregnant and that they get in this little brawl on t.v .. and Katherine (Alison) is going, "you would be able to wanna in simple terms close your mouth" idk yet i chanced on that hilarious.. it became right into a deleted scene from Knocked up.. additionally, yet another knocked up scene that became into hilarious.. Debbie: i'm no longer gonna circulate to the tip of the f ucking line, who the f uck are you? I actual have in simple terms as a lot of a nicely suited to be here as any of those little s kanky females. What, am I no longer s kanky sufficient for you, you like me to hike up my f ucking skirt? What the f uck is your situation? i'm unlikely everywhere, you're in basic terms some roided out freak with a f ucking clipboard. And your stupid little f ucking rope! you comprehend what, you have potential now yet you're no longer god. you're a doorman, ok. you're a doorman, doorman, doorman, doorman, doorman, so... F uck You! You f ucking f ag along with your f ucking little f aggy gloves. Doorman: i comprehend... you're nicely suited. i'm so sorry, I f uckin' hate this interest. i do no longer decide to be the only to pass judgement, confirm who gets in. S hit makes me unwell to my abdomen, i'm getting the runs from the stress. this isn't any longer reason you're no longer warm, i'd incredibly decide to faucet that a ss. i'd tear that a ss up. i'm no longer able to enable you in reason you're old as f uck. For this club, you comprehend, no longer for the earth. Debbie: What? Doorman: You old, she pregnant. can no longer have a gaggle of old pregnant bitches working around. this is loopy, i'm in basic terms allowed to enable in 5 % black human beings. He mentioned that, meaning if there is 25 human beings here i'm getting to enable in one and 1 / 4 black human beings. So I gotta desire there's a midget interior the gang. and all of the yank Pies have been fairly humorous! =)

Answer 5

(comeback for a girl) well, i guess in this society, being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time. (quote from 10 things i hate about you movie)

Answer 6

i have a good cumback, if your a guy and another boy/guy is bothering you just say, are you gay? if he gets smart with you don't retaliate just ask him again and say stuff like, your mama told me your gay and do you want a kiss, they don't expect it and they don't know what to say back its a great comeback if someone is giving you hassle

Answer 7

"Sir, you're drunk!" Lady Astor exclaimed to Winston Churchill.

"Yes, Madam, I am. But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly."

Answer 8

your dad sleeps with a dude and your mom is ugly

Answer 9

GIVE A FOR INSTANCE...