My boyfriend and I are holding off a wedding due to the pregnancy.......please read for more.?

Question

We would like to now wait until our child is 3-4 years old, so the child can be a part of the wedding. Also for the baby shower, I would like to have it seem like a wedding party/baby shower. Decoration wise. Incorporating wedding decorations with baby shower ones. Is this a good idea? If so, Do you have any ideas. For example a friend told me to get a wedding type cake, but add decorations on it that are for a baby shower...

To the first person who answered this question...Who do you think you are? I am grown up I have a great job and a college education! I wasnt asking your opinon on how to raise my life, I am an adult. Whats the point of rushing into marriage. i lvoe my boyfriend to death, but my mom was a single, unwed mother, and I turned out just fine! There is something called a blended family, I dont want to be a part of that. I think I have the right to wait for marriage.

Answer 1

I think that the whole situation is very sad......

Elope now while still pregnant. Grow up.

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Who do I think I am? A responder like any other. Your the one that put it out there.

Statistics show that the way you are choosing to do things will set you up for divorce. People who choose to live together prior to marriage have a MUCH higher rate of divorce.

It is a free country, do whatever you wish. I think that you sound juvenile! "Gee, I want to wait three years but do you think I might be able to decorate the baby shower like it was a wedding?" You want your 'cake' and eat it too. I am just saying the whole thing shouts that you are acting like a middle school child, not an adult who is mature and clear thinking.

Oh, and if you 'turned out just fine' why are you repeating her mistakes?

God Bless your child.

Answer 2

Don't listen to anybody. You can have a baby if you want. If the baby is planned and you are ready, and you believe you are financially secure enough you support him or her, and you will be there for your child emotionally and physically, then go ahead and have the baby!
Marriage means NOTHING! I know SO many great couples who have been together for years but are NOT married. Marriage should not be the only thing keeping a couple together; It should be more than a meaningless piece of paper you sign.
Anyway, congratulations, and good luck!

I think the baby shower/wedding party is a good idea. Your friend's idea is cool. You can get a baby shower/ wedding themed cake.

Or maybe you could have a wedding party, and anounce your pregnancy at the party, and later on have a baby shower. Unless everybody already knows about the baby.

I don't know..do whatever you want, but I like the ideas your provided. They're cute, and seem like a good idea.

Once again, Congrats, and good luck!

Answer 3

I really don't see the point in having the wedding shower three years before the wedding. Just have the baby shower.

Sounds like you are actually pretty anxious to go through all the wedding motions, so why wait so long? Just have the wedding now, and when your baby is 3 or 4, renew your vows with the little one as part of the wedding.

Either way I'm not judging like that first chick who answered. This is 2006, not 1946, people do not have to get married just because they are having a baby.

My hubby and I got married when I was pregnant, but we already had the date set, the baby just happened to be an early present!

Congrats and good luck!

Answer 4

You are doing the correct thing by not getting married for the sole purpose of being wedded parents.

Don't make plans based upon appearances of having your child involved in the cermony. That's like planning your victory speech before the tournament even starts. Focus on the relationship and what is right for the child. If your relationship with the father progresses so that you both want to get married in 3,4,5,10 years, then do it.

You will always be able to find a way to get your child/children involved. If the relationship flops, you won't have a wedding to worry about. If you and this man are truly in love and enjoy being partners and parents, you may end up with more kids before the wedding.

Stay cretaive, have fun, and above all, focus on that child! They will change your whole life, for the better if you let it!

You will however be missing a lot of your own younger years, this is a sacrifice you had better accept. Also, you will learn so much in the next 10 years that will change you in ways that you cannot possibly understand. It is better to wait until your late 20's or early 30's to fully understand the ramifications of parenthood.

(in 2nd marriage; kids 6,11,13; all were involved in 2nd marriage)

Answer 5

I'm not sure which part you were hoping to get opinions on - but here goes. If it were me, I'd want to be married before I had the baby. I'm a single mom, and my fiance ran off, so I didn't get to exercise this option, lol, but I woulda liked to! If you've already started megashowing, I could sorta understand the desire to wait till you have your body back (I never got mine back, sad), but then, remember that if your nurse your baby, that might take a while, and remember, too, that once you have a child everything gets much MUCH busier and money gets tighter (don't know if that's an issue here or not) so having a wedding later will be even harder. Also, you don't know the personality of your child yet, and he may not make for a nice wedding guest at 3 or 4. Also, which do you think is a more comforting thought for a child? - that he got to be in the wedding, or that his parents loved him enough to become a married committed unit before he was even born. Course, I woulda preferred myself to have been married before I even got pregnant, but then, things don't always work out right, do they? :)

As for a wedding party/baby shower, how are you combining them if you are waiting to get married? Or is that just an idea you're toying with? I wouldn't want to combine the 2, no matter how close they are time-wise. They are portions of 2 very separate, very important events in your life and each warrants it's own party. A marriage combines you and your significant other, and you should enjoy the unity of you and him. It's you and him getting married, not you and him and baby. (Not to at all demean the little one, just realize marriage is a very adult committed thing, between just you and him). And a baby shower is your baby's first welcome party, and he/she deserves his own bash where he can get laden down with stuff he needs. There may also need to be 2 different guestlists and stuff could get very complicated.

If you're going to get married...do it now, enjoy a little time as man and wife before your 'mom' personality usurps everythings else for a little while.

Answer 6

Personally, we only held off our pregnancy until our little one was 5 months old. We were also really pressured by my husband's parents and family because while living together we were "living in sin." We pretty much told them that we'd have the wedding when we'd have it. I did want to wait a little bit so that our son could be ring bearer (though the smallest outfit we could get was 2T, so the pants kept falling off) and we situated it around various birthdays and holidays and stuff. It might have been better if we waited a few years so he was more than just a baby, but the only person we had for a flower girl would grow out of that position by then. ^^;

I think the wedding party/baby shower is a cute idea. Never had a wedding party, so I wish I could give advice. But if it sounds fun, I say do it! ^_^

Answer 7

The idea of incorporating the two is neat, but not if you are going to wait three years to actually get married. Your child won't remember being a part of the wedding even at that age, I see no reason to postpone it that far in advance. If you were ready to get married before you were pregnant, you will be ready when you can fit back into your dress. As far as the wedding/baby shower goes.... its a cool idea. You might get more presents if you do it seperatly, so if you are expecting alot of the things you need for baby, try to hold off. Lots of people can't afford two nice gifts, or may only get you wedding stuff or only baby stuff. Best of luck to you on both.

Answer 8

This may not seem like much help, but I think you need to do what you feel is right. My boyfriend and I pushed our wedding up because I was pregnant. To me it didn't seem like a big deal to have a baby if we weren't married, but our families felt opposite. We got married when I was six months pregnant and I still have mixed feelings about whether or not I should have waited. I loved the fact that when I had my son, my husband was there, but sometimes I also wish that I could have had the Vegas wedding that we talked about. (Vegas is were we first met). We are now planning on re-newing our wedding vows in Vegas when our children older.

As for the wedding/baby shower, I think that you need to stick with just a baby shower now since the wedding is so far away. There are so many things that I received for my baby shower with my first that I used with my third and am saving for my fourth (12 weeks prego now). Not to knock anyone who was at my wedding shower but I don't use much of that stuff.

Good luck with your decision but it really is all yours and your boyfriends.

Answer 9

Marriage is sooo unimportant when having sex and making a family. Keep it up, and you shouldn't worry so much about marriage, because you'll be divorced within ten years, because of the decisions you have made.

The world, children, and families are so wonderful, because of people like you. Marriage is not something you do, because it's fashionable or a trend.

You need to think about what is real, and what marriage, and having a family really means.

While you say you came out fine...Please...Blended families are not all hunky dory as you are trying to make them seem. Very, very few actually work, without causing problems for the children as adults, if you are as educated as you are saying you are, you would know all of this stuff already. Children who grow up with both parents, married, will be far better off than those who weren't given that chance in life. People are so selfish now-a-days, and they don't realize how their actions ruin their children. You are following in the same footsteps as your mother, divorced, and single. Realize your children will do the same.

Answer 10

It's cool that waiting and everything but what difference is it going to make ur childs going to be in the wedding either way your pg so theyll be in the wedding if your really sure you want to wait and have your wedding that much later i wouldnt do the whole wedding party/baby shower what for when its going to be 3 to 4 years away? and further more in 3 or 4 years what if your still not together and then youhave all this pics of your so called baby wedding shower thing i jus t dont like the idea sorry