whats wrong with me am i the biggest 14yr old freak on the planet???

Question

ok this is really hard to admit but ever since i was 12 i've had problems...i hate my entire family, have tried to kill myself about 5/6 times, feel constantly depresed, i have suicidal thought all the time,i used to cut my wrists and then wear sweatbands over the top so nobody could see but my friend jack found out and said if i didnt stop it he'd tell some 1 i tried but i couldnt stop so he told...the social services are involved and my school knows and i went 3 months without talking to my dad i hate him the most i know i'm not a normal 14yr old girl but am i freakish...whats wrong with me? my parents think everything is alrite now coz its been a couple of months and things are back to "normal" things will never be the same again...i ran away a couple of times but the police kept bringing them back...my mum said i've been using them like a taxi service but i dont run away to get caught i run away to run away duh!! i even tried to take an overdose didnt work though

i know you're all telling me i've gotta talk to some1 but i just cantt...every1 thinks i'm past all that if i tell them any different then things just get worse...mydad why do i hate him you ask...i cant quite put my finger on it but there are just so many reasons why i hate him...i'm not close to my mum coz she's always blamed me for everything so i dunno i just want a giant hole to swallow me up and make it so i was never here...i know i probably wouldnt be any happier dead than i am alive but i dunno i might be theres no point trying suicide anymore it never works no matter what i do!! i feel like the life is being suffocated out of me anyway omg my lfe sucz!!!

its so hard not to try again bcoz my parents are so rappedd upp in theyre lives and going on about how perfect my older bro is and my lil sis can do no wrong....and i hate everything about my life i'm not crying out for attention i'm just trying to dissapear no1 wud miss me

i dunno who to pick as best answer you've all been so nice i'll do ip dip (childish but who gives a damn)

Answer 1

So sad, darlin, so sad,...so young to be feeling so horrible. I must believe that you have a very disfunctional family that has made you feel so unwanted. You are crying out for help and love, and no one is listening. Don't do anything horrible to yourself, you have a lifetime ahead of you, to meet someone, to be someone, to get married to have children...and you have the right to be happy in your life, whatever it is you choose. I wish i was there to give you a hug right now, you are in such pain it makes me cry....Please, Pray to the Lord, I am going to pray for you too, that you find Him and His Son, and that you can find peace in your poor life....Please go talk to some one, or email me if you want to talk. I am so sad to read this....I don't know how you email people from this site, but you can if you know how to. Please, I am going to pray for you, you are a bright light and need to shine...love, me.

Answer 2

Hi,
I was a lot like you not so long ago: I hated almost everyone around me and every day seemed worse and worse. I didn't want to talk to anybody because I didn't think that anyone could help me. I blamed myself for how things were, much like you have been.
The truth is that it is not your fault. A lot of people feel like this at some point in their lives and it can be really difficult to stay sane. It is especially difficult when you are a teenager because you're also going through all the hormonal changes, but believe me, it WILL get better for you!
Remember that, while what is happening at the moment might seem like everything, there is a future waiting for you just around the corner!
Until then, try and keep your mind off the things that make you feel so bad. Take up some new hobbies, learn an instrument, take up karate, start a reading club for little kids, whatever you feel like! This way you will make new friends and you will be keeping out of the house where you seem so unhappy.
If things don't improve, try talking to a social worker or a guidance councillor. I know you say you can't talk to anyone but if you have tried to kill yourself then you really have only to gain from talking to someone!
Always remember that you are NOT a freak!

Best wishes,
Puddingpixie
x

Answer 3

I don't think you are alone, a lot of people feel like you do. This is not to belittle your problems but to make you feel less like a 'freak'.

What support are you getting right now? It sounds like you could really do with some counselling, what do social services say? They should be trying to help you. It sounds like you've got a good friend in Jack, at least he is someone who cares about you so you can't be all bad!

It sounds like you're having a hard time at home. What sort of a relationship do you have with your parents? Most parents do want to do their best for their kids, although I know that some don't - it may be they are as upset and confused as you are.

If you have suicidal thoughts a lot, it is important you get the right help. Have you talked to your GP, you may find anti-depressants help, the modern sort are very good. I do think that counselling will help, I had it when I was younger, if it is offered do go for it.

I know it's hard, but try thinking about something good every day, just one thing. Maybe your friendship with Jack, or maybe a good song you've heard. If you feel really really bad, ring the Samaritans or visit their website http://www.samaritans.org.uk/

Don't give up hope. Things can change. Life is complicated and difficult and sometimes sh*t, but it is better than the alternative.

ADDITIONAL

ok so you don't want to talk to anyone. Have you tried writing a diary? Put your thoughts and feelings down on paper. Record how you feel and think about things. Also, keep communicating on here if it helps. You may feel like talking things through at some stage, but if not, keep communicating here.

Answer 4

In answer to the main question, no you're not a freak. You're completely normal, though you do have a lot of problems, As do many of your peers. Being a teenager can be crap a lot/most of the time, as you yearn for independence that can't be granted to you for a while yet. You have to look to the future, as things will get better, and sooner than you think.

You probably need to talk things through with a counsellor. Your school should have one that is comnpletely confidential, or you GP should be able to help. Your mate Jack sounds like a really good friend. Stick with him.

Your parents probably don't think everything is back to normal, it's more likely that they're worried sick about the situation, and are trying to act normal to give you the impression that all is cool with them. Just as they don't know what's going on in your head, you don't know what's going on in their heads, aside from the fact that they love you. You being a teenager is confusing for them as well, as they watch the person who used to be their little girl grow up and try to make her own way in the world. You know you're not that little girl anymore, but it's very hard for parents to come to terms with this. And dads find it especially hard.

Good luck

Answer 5

You are not a freak. You are a teenager and that is one of the hardest times in life you have to go through I think. Our minds and bodies are changing and our need for independence as well. You sound like you are not happy with yourself and from what I have read from you maybe a call to a therapist may help you get to the botton of why you feel this way. did your dad do something to you or did someone else do something to make you feel like you are not worthy? I hope that you know that God loves you and maybe talk to a pastor at a church or something. you need help and your parents dont seem to understand how at the bottom you feel right now. I have been there and I have to say that you are hurting yourself the most with all this so please get some help. Call a church to start. It is free. Talk to someone about your feelings and so they can help you figure out the next step. you are worthy and you are important and I will pray for you to get help. Please, you are a teenager and this time is so very hard. You are not freaky or indifferent, just a person searching for answers and happiness. You may have depression. Call someone. All the best to you.~ Prayers are with you.

Answer 6

Don't say that nobody would miss you! Did you ever think that maybe people already do miss "you"? I have a lot of experience with this sort of thing. You're not a freak. Sadly, more and more teens are having the same struggles as you. If I were you, I would talk to a trusted adult relative or try to find free psychiatric services that you could go to. Before you think, "I'm not going to a psychiatrist", look at it this way-- go to the doctor as someone that you can talk to without betraying your confidence. You need to get help immediately! If you must, let your parents know that things are NOT back to normal.

Answer 7

when I was fourteen I went through the same as your going through now. Don't be afraid this too will pass. I promise (not over night though).
how do I know well everybody is frightened of something even your mum and dad, be brave sit them down and talk to them. Before you do this, first write everything down that's hurting you, ask them to stay quite until you've finished saying what you really have to say to them, no interruptions please, then get everything off your mind it might just make you feel better and you will probably see that your mum and your dad had no idea you were so sad and very very unhappy (try it! go on,) believe in yourself you are just as important as anyone on this planet no one ever promised any of us that life would be easy and if anyone you know says otherwise they are probably more scared about life even if there in there twenty's thirties or forty's. So you really are quite brave to tell all of us out here about your thoughts and worries, go on smile!!! and fight back with your brains.You have a whole life of wonder full things to come yet . good luck .

PS remember ask your mum and dad to sit down and listen and that it might take you awhile to finish what you have to say be grow up and professional !! write it down don't worry it will be OK .

Answer 8

well you sound very much like most 14 yr olds in that you are struggling with puberty. your behaviour is not normal though and you need to get some immediate help-try the samaritans .if this helps i was bonkers at your age and so was my daughter ,shes 18 now and with help grew out of it.
only you know why you are so sad and self destructive..
try to write it down or draw or paint ,
i used to put music on and dance til i was exhausted,punk was in at the time!
you are not a freak - its a really hard time but it will get better ,take each day as it comes,do happy things be kind to others, make friends with people who build you up,go for a walk, look at the sky ,feel part of the big amazing beautiful world, you are here for a reason ,maybe to help kids like yourself one day,
take care,
love yourself,

Answer 9

Being a teenager sucks and its hard. Sounds like you have it worse than most though. If you truly want to get help, which it sounds like you do, don't act out in ways that are unhealthy to yourself, your family, and others around you. You need to take things into your own hands and go see someone who is trained to deal with teenage issues and problems. Depression causes suicidal tendencies and the most important thing is to remember that depression is not your fault, its a chemical imbalance in your brain and alot of people have it from time to time and go on medication until they can cope with life on their own again. Acting out immaturely will cause people around you alot of stress and worry, try to make some rational decisions by talking to your parents and if it starts to turn into an argument, don't let it...no raised voices...walk away, and don't let them push your buttons and don't push theirs back. It doesn't get you anywhere but grounded or pissed off and wanting to hurt yourself.

Answer 10

hey there!!
you're not a freak at all!!!But you really need to talk to someone about how you're feeling inside,don't bottle things up,it makes it worse!!
I'm not a teenager anymore [i'm old and decriped,well 30!]but i went through similar feelings when i was your age,i self harmed and hated myself,i thought nobody else felt the way i did,i felt depressed and some days wished i wouldn't wake up.Looking back now,i can see there was a point in my life that made me feel that way,i'm sure you can remember feeling happy,was there something that happened to make you feel this way?
parents aren't the best people to talk to when feeling this way,they don't understand.maybe you have a relative like an aunt or maybe one of your friends mums you can talk to
.Don't carry on this way,.don't pretend things are fine when they are not,you deserve better than that you really do!!
Good luck!! xxx

Answer 11

Why is it that you feel like a freak? You shouldn't. LIfe sucks a lot of the time, but hang in there and it'll get better.

Just because you feel these ways doesn't mean you need to run away. Stop running and breath a while. You need to stop in life and catch your breath.

I hope all works out for you and you give yourself sometime to heal from whatever is bothering you. I know I'm not much help, but just hang in there. It gets better...

Try talking to someone who you trust. It helps.