okay, guys, Ive been dating this guy for 2 months today. He's really great and everything has been working out really well. However, he keeps sending me mixed signals and I dont know what to think!
Im getting ready to move soon and so is he (same town, different apartments). The other night, we went looking for apartments for me and I saw one that I loved but it was too expensive. He said "well, we could go in on it together!" I took it jokingly and said yea, we could split the rent, $500 each. Then he was like "no, I think its too soon to move in" and I totally agreed (cause it is!) and then later, he said, "you know, you can put your stuff in storage and come stay with me for a new months till you have saved up enough!" and I was like "huh?"
He does crap like this ALL the time. One minute he's talking all long-term and then the next minute, he steps back...I mean, It doesnt matter to me either way I just want to know, why is he doing this?
2006-08-03 08:32:01 · 27 answers · asked by katie-bug 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
also, if he's afraid of commitment, why would he mention long-term things in the first place?? jeez!!
2006-08-03 08:32:39 · update #1
Sounds like he's testing the waters but not sure he wants to jump in.
2006-08-03 08:37:16 · answer #1 · answered by djmantx 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a guy, but it sounds like he's "testing the waters" for your reaction. Since you responded to him in a joking manner the first time he tried the second time to see where you really are. Two months really isn't enough time to see if you two are in it for the long haul, but he probably wants to be 100% sure of how you feel before he does anything long-term that might come back to haunt him.
You may also want to ask him why he does this (nicely...not being all accusatory). If you want a long-term relationship, the first hurdle is to make sure you can communicate effectively with each other. Many times when a guy is doing something like that, he is not even AWARE of it until we bring it up. For example, my girlfriend had this guy she was really into and they were "friends." She had mentioned one day that she was going to make split pea soup or something that coming Sunday and he responded to her that split pea soup was his favorite kind of soup and they left it by saying that he might stop by her house on Sunday for some soup. Well...she got all excited thinking it was like a date and made soup and cleaned the house and....he never showed up. Needless to say, she got really irritated and threw the whole pot of soup down the drain. When he saw her the next day in town, he apologized that he didn't have a chance to pop over. However, she was still EXTREMELY ticked off, and was so for the next couple of days. They bumped into each other every now and then, and he was in a good mood....and she was still ticked off...and he was totally confused at why she was acting cold to him. When she was telling me all this, I asked her if she told him why she was mad...and she said "No, he should know." And I told her that most likely he did NOT know...since in his mind he said he "MIGHT" pop over. Lo and behold, when she finally told him about it, he apologized profusely, because (as I had thought) he had NO CLUE that his actions ticked her off.
Good luck with your guy...and remember, they don't always realize what we think they ought to!
2006-08-03 08:47:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well a few observations:
1. He doesn't respect you at all because he expects you to give him sex without him having to do ANYTHING. No commitment, no marriage, no devotion, nothing. He wants to move in with you so that he won't even have to drive to your apartment to have sex with you. Trust me on this one, six months from now you two will not be together. He will be screwing another easy girl and you will be with someone else.
2. He is testing the waters to see how far you will let him take liberties with you without requiring anything from him. You are every guy's dream. Free sex whenever you want just for the asking. So this is where the women's rights movement has brought you--some guy's sex toy without any obligation on his part.
Quite the life you've carved out for yourself.
2006-08-03 08:44:15 · answer #3 · answered by Mr. Curious 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ya, I hear ya'!
He's testing you to see how'd you reacte, or in some cases he's blurting out stuff about he feels rather than taking a step back.
Two months of dating ought to be focused on being friends (checking for compatibility), not looking for commitment right now. You still have another month or so for that step.
Could take it as warning signs. If not handled quickly it could turn into a bigger problem later.
2006-08-03 08:38:34 · answer #4 · answered by adrian_biccum 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think he not to sure about you and maybe date someone else to the same problem with my bf he keep mention about us marriage and moving in together and after some time when i was real now he say it to soon i don;t know what up with these guys these days and the other day he mention to have a kid and i was just checking him and i ask do you want a girl or boy he said it to soon maybe after 5 years
2006-08-03 08:40:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you know what 'ambivalent' means? If not, look it up. Your boyfriend is clearly undecided and of two minds here. He obviously likes you a lot and fantasizes about a long-term thing, but he's also realistic and knows its too soon for this kind of committment. So, he vacillates. He goes back and forth in his own mind and this is reflected in his attitude with you. Is this so surprising or unusual? Not really.
2006-08-03 08:37:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's scared of the way he feels about you, honey. You moving in with him would make it easier for a split up if you don't click. But if you go in on an apartment together, then it's harder. He's just commitment shy.
2006-08-03 08:37:39 · answer #7 · answered by Bachman-ette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is insecure. He doesn't really know how to go about saying it and doesn't want to move too fast but then again he wants it at the same time. Does that make sense? Sometimes men came be extremely confusing and you just have to bluntly ask them what they mean by that, etc.
2006-08-03 08:35:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he's confused himself about how he feels and is trying to get a better feel of where the relationship is going by the little things that you say when he mentions that long-term stuff
2006-08-03 08:35:44 · answer #9 · answered by LTD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, i would guess he is trying to get a reaction out of you. He is testing the waters so to speak. He wants to find out what you are thinking with out directly asking you. If it is bothering you, talk to him about it. Tell him your intentions, but you think it is too early. Maybe talk to him about both of you only signing 6 month leases, then you can see where things go from there. just be honest with him, and he will be back
2006-08-03 08:39:18 · answer #10 · answered by Highroller 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are the one confusing him. I agree that 2 months is too damn soon to lose your freedom, but maybe you are throwing him weird signals and he is responding the best he can.... You should both sit down together and talk about things...
2006-08-03 08:39:12 · answer #11 · answered by Don F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋