They have been apart for 5 yrs. and divorced for 2. The kids are 21, 19 & 15 and live w/him. She calls each day and tells him about the guys she is dating, etc. They also have dinner together occassionally with the kids. The problem is that won't tell her he is dating. He says she is insanely jealous and it is easier this way. He thinks things will get better if/when she finds someone to be with, but I think this is wrong. I have only been dating him for a month and I am seriously thinking of backing off of the relationship because I don't like being part of a triangle, even though they are divorced. He defends his position by saying that eventually he will have to tell her, but now is not the time. What do you think?
2006-08-03 08:29:23 · 8 answers · asked by Susan P 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
They have been apart for 5 yrs. and divorced for 2. The kids are 21, 19 & 15 and live with him. She calls every day and tells him about her life, guys she is dating, etc. He also says that she wants to get back together with him, not because she loves him, but because it would be better for the kids, for the finances, etc.They also have dinner together occassionally but he says this is always with, and for, the kids. The problem is that won't tell her he is dating because he says she is insanely jealous. He thinks things will get better if/when she finds someone to be with, but I think this is wrong; I think she needs to find HERSELF first! I have only been dating him for a month and I am seriously thinking of backing off the relationship because I don't like being part of a triangle, even though they are divorced. He defends his position by saying that eventually he will have to tell her, but now is not the time. What do you think?
2006-08-03 08:40:07 · update #1
I think he likes things the way they are & doesn't want to change the status quo by introducing you into his happy little family. Other than the occasional conversation about the kids, there should be no real reason for them to talk every day, much less about intimate subjects such as her dates. You need to discuss this with him, tell him exactly how you feel - even that you are thinking of backing off & why - & see where he goes from there. If he won't budge, then I'd look for someone else - without a clingy ex-spouse. Good luck, hun - I hope it goes okay for ya!
2006-08-03 08:34:49 · answer #1 · answered by pumpkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would give it some more time. He's at least being honest by telling you what she calls to talk about. She's wrong in every way. As long as your boyfriend is truely honest, he should eventually tell his ex whats up with you two. Maybe its too soon in your relationship for him to feel comfortable telling her. Or maybe he wants to wait so he can show his ex he's in a REAL relationship, instead of going on meaningless dates like she is. If he doesn't dish the info to his ex within another month or so, then there's a real problem. At that point he should also tell his ex to quit calling to talk about that stuff, he shouldn't have to hear that.
2006-08-03 08:39:15 · answer #2 · answered by iwantitall420 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a tough decision to cause waves in an otherwise calm pool, However there is absolutely NO reason whatsoever that you should allow this daily / frequent communication.
You are enabling him to jump the fence into another yard whenever he chooses to, If he can't stay in his own yard it is definitely time to move on.
Because there are children even though they are grown there will be and must be occasional talks to resolve family issues that will arise, These talks must be few and far between and NEVER just to talk about daily issues and to say hi how are you today.
2006-08-03 08:45:29 · answer #3 · answered by chubbiguy40 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God has been type to enable me stay immediately.the next day won't in any respect come.So I must be thankful for immediately.And once I awaken on the morrow,the finished thing approximately being alive is rather friendly. Have a staggering day.
2016-10-01 10:44:22 · answer #4 · answered by dicken 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u never know she really might be an emotional wreck....if he tells her she might call all the time, come over all the time....she wouldnt do that if she had someone...so he is kinda looking out for u in a way...but remember he has kids with her...and there not young either...so they do need to spend time together....it'll take time...if anything start by telling the oldest daughter or something...so atleast the word is out...
2006-08-03 08:34:32 · answer #5 · answered by chaand5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, I'm thinking there's 3 people in this relationship and not two...tell him either come clean with her or you're out of there - no in between....you deserve more!
2006-08-03 08:33:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first they shouldnt be having dinner. he is also having more respect for his ex then you. he is also leaving room for her to come back especially if she doesnt know he is dating. sounds like he is dating her more then you. sorry
2006-08-03 08:35:05 · answer #7 · answered by eaglestraces123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him as fast as you can, the ex will never go away and he doesn't want her to.
2006-08-03 08:34:06 · answer #8 · answered by Rocky 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋