what do i do?!?!?!?!?!?

Question

im getting married on September 30th my mother in law is paying for half of the reception my parents are supposed to pay for the other half. BUT my dad just lost his job so they are not in a position to help out now because they're behind a mortgage payment. there are so far 113 people in attendance and we cant afford a reception anymore! im so stressed out my wedding is in 2 months and i have no idea what to do its becoming a nightmare PLEASE HELP!

i am 20 and my fiance is 23 we do not have room for a 2nd job we work full-time plus we are very active in our congreagation so we cannot have 2nd jobs, we have tried that and its not worth our time, for the amount of money they pay part-time

Answer 1

Okay first of all - take a deep breath! And take a few minutes to realize how much this sucks. I know it does, and I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.

Next, comes the tough choices. You have two - you can either put on this reception no matter what, or you can cancel the reception. This is a choice not only for you and your fiance but also for both sets of parents. I read some previous answers about getting loans or cancelling - I think that talking to your vendors is your best bet either way. Most vendors would rather cut costs a great deal than lose you as a client altogether. They'll do things like switch from a sit-down dinner to a buffet, or take away one of the courses.

And everyone can help out. My florist came up with a bunch of money-saving ideas for me flower-wise (we only used 4 flowers per centerpiece but made it look kind of...deliberately minimalist). Stuff like that will really help you out.

If you decide to cancel, be prepared to forfeit deposits to everyone. There are some really nice vendors who will give you the deposit back but most won't unless they can book another event that day.

In the end you will still have a beautiful, wonderful wedding I'm sure!! But in the meantime just try to take it one task at a time. Good luck!!

Answer 2

First of all... deep breath. This sucks beyond all recognition, but it is not going to ruin your wedding or your marriage (which is the really important part).

Start with contacting your vendors, explaining the situation, and seeing if you can work out payment plans. While you are talking to them, find out what cancelation fees apply, if any. Better to know now. (Check your contracts, too)

Other thoughts to save money:

* cancel the DJ and do an "ipod" reception. I'm sure you have friends who are musically inclined. Put together a playlist, get the speakers, and away you go. Look into speaker rentals even - they can be pretty cheap.

* change the reception to an appetizer one or a cake/punch one. Or go crazy and have a BBQ - that could be a ton of fun.

* if the reception facility is separate from the caterer, you might be able to cancel the caterer and find a cheaper way to do food and still keep the same location. Call a local cooking school.

* The book "Bridal Bargains" has lots of ideas. They might have more on their website: http://www.windsorpeak.com/bridalbargains/default.html

Good luck... just remember that this is about more than just one day and you don't have to do things they way "they always have been done."

Answer 3

How much of this reception can you cancel without penalty? Hall, caterer, music, flowers and stuff? try to scale down the expenses. How much money or credit do you and your fiance have to cover it yourselves? If you are planning a honeymoon that you are paying for yourselves, you might have to try cancelling those arrangements, putting your honeymoon on hold or taking a much less expensive trip. I'd say cut the reception altogether, but you've got a ton of people on the way. If you have to serve hot dogs in the park and dance to a boom box, do that. It could actually be more fun and memorable than the usual been there, done that formal reception. Don't get the idea that I am not sympathetic because of my answer.....you are between a rock and a hard place right now and only drastic measures will do. Whatever happens, have a wonderful life with your new husband!

Answer 4

If your in-laws will not pay for everything then stop the madness. Cancel the reception. Consider getting married in a private ceremony. Look at your obligations and see what you can afford and what you cannot - now is the time to be an adult. If your "special day" is becoming a nightmare and you are not in control of it, then take control of it . You cannot change the fact that there is no money for the wedding and reception you were going to have - you have to deal with that as it is and put away your thoughts of wanting to have what you originally had planned.

I'm sorry - really - I know it is harsh, but it is what it is. The first step into a strong relationship is for you and your husband-to-be to deal with it. (I'm sure your parents feel horrible.)

Answer 5

OK, this is NOT fun, and would suck beyond all belief.

Now for the damage control.

If you have your heart set on going through with the reception, you are going to have to get a loan or line of credit. Cover off the costs that way, and any money you receive from the wedding should be put towards the expenses generated.

Cut back where you can, but I can imagine that most vendors will charge you almost full price to cancel at this point.

If you can change favours, the food, the open bar, anything, do it.

I am NOT in favour of doing this, but if you still want the wedding, have your bridal party pass the word with SUBTILTY that you would like to receive money instead of gifts. Yes, I know, I know that's tacky, but this is not a normal situation.

In all, I'd try your best but also realize that this big "party" could land you in debt for years to come, so you must decide if it is worth it.

Good luck!!

Answer 6

Is there any way that your in-laws could use their half to buy food and pay an organization (like Kinsmen or even Girlguides) a small donation to prepare and serve? Make it a buffet? For a donation a lot of local charity grouos (or church?) will gladly help at functions. If you go the girlguide route, they can benefit by earning badges too! I hope this at least got the juices flowing so that you can relax and still have a great time at your wedding. Just remember too, that you have two months left-I've helped friends plan weddings in less time than that! Good Luck

Answer 7

Ideas:

1) borrow the money from your mother-in-law.
2) borrow from another relative.
3) borrow from a bank--or maybe your job or your fiance's job may have some sort of emergency fund.
4) cut back--not on the number of wedding guests, but on the food, decorations, or other trappings. Have a DJ instead of a band, or have a musical friend play piano or spin some good CDs. Cut out the alcohol, except for the champagne toast, or limit alcohol to wine and beer. Have balloons or inexpensive silk flowers instead of fresh flowers. Buy inexpensive, comfortable, yet pretty shoes, or use a pair you already own. Have a buffet instead of a sit-down. Serve chicken wings instead of filet mignon. Fire your photographer and videographer and have your family and friends take lots of pictures with their own cameras. (You and the wedding party can pose for a professional photograper in his/her studio.) Fire the limousine and have a friend drive you and your groom to the reception in a white Rent-a-Wreck.

Think creatively: what can you downgrade, or eliminate, and still keep a pretty wedding ceremony and reception?

Answer 8

So, you cancel the wedding too-doo and do something else. Have a small wedding of only your immediate family and closest friends. It may be disappointing, but it *is* realistic.

Start putting aside a savings account now and save up for a 5 or 10 year all out blow out. It may help satiate the desire for a formal soiree.

Answer 9

There are a lot of couples now look for sponsors to sponsor and pay for there weddings I saw a report about that in the news, also I sow a couple who post sponsoring there wedding on eBay, why don’t you try to do that.
http://search.ebay.com/sponsor-wedding_W0QQfnuZ1QQfsooZ1QQfsopZ3QQxpufuZx

Or you could have the wedding reception in your parents same body you know back yard, or high school gum. Also instead of registering for gifts send a polite note to your guest to give you cash instead.

Answer 10

If you couldn't afford to pay for the wedding yourselves, you should not be getting married at this time. Parents don't Have to help out, but at times do. It is your responsibility. Maybe you have to scale down or postpone.