I work in a small, privately owned restaurant. The people who manage it consist of the owners (husband and wife), and two managers. One of the managers is obviously the favorite, and in their eyes, seems to qualify as family. Well, she is getting married in Sept., and the owners are having a surprise wedding shower for her. As far as I know, NONE of us waitresses, cooks dishwashers, etc. are invited to the actual wedding, but are expected to go to the shower. I think it's uber-tacky. Am I wrong?
2006-08-03 07:53:15 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I am absolutely not jealous at all. Not at all. I do wish her well, and it doesn't bother me that she is close to the owners and I am not. Although, this is not my only job. I have 2 waitress jobs and I work in a real estate office. I also have a teenaged son. I don't normally have Sundays off and I really don't want to ask for one off just to go to this thing. And I DO know I am not invited. And, so do the owners and the other employees. And, that is fine. I am not hurt or offended by this. I just think it is tacky to invite people to a shower if they aren't invited to the wedding.
2006-08-03 08:47:11 · update #1
TACKY TACKY TACKY.
Get sick if you have to but don't feel pressured into going or contributing money to a gift.
ICK!
2006-08-03 09:05:12 · answer #1 · answered by exclusiveindigo 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's tacky at all for the following reasons:
1. Bridal showers are held by friends, generally, and not by the bride. (Now THAT would be tacky.) How do the friends know who is going to be invited to the wedding? You said it's a SURPRISE shower. What are they supposed to do, ASK who she invited to the wedding before hand? Now what kind of a surprise would THAT be?
2. Bridal showers are NOT an extension of the wedding. They are an opportunity to congratulate the bride and groom before the wedding. Just think of it as a party in their honor. Like a birthday party, only different.
3. Weddings are generally VERY expensive and the bride and groom have to limit the number of guests. This is even more critical when there are very large families on both sides. Maybe they would like to invite you and your coworkers, but can't afford to do so, or the location where they are being married is limited in size.
4. You are ASSUMING (as far as you know) that none of the coworkers are invited to the wedding. Well, I have been a part of showers for coworkers. Generally we just want to wish the person well with no expectation that we would be invited to the wedding.
It sounds a little to me that you (and other coworkers, maybe?) are a little jealous of the manager who is getting married. Maybe because the owners like her? Maybe because she is getting married and you're not? That's between YOU and YOURSELF.
It's not tacky at all. Get over yourself.
2006-08-03 08:24:25 · answer #2 · answered by americanwoman22309 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nowadays bridal / wedding showers are no longer confined to family and close friends. Often people in the office will have a shower for a female coworker as a way of celebrating her upcoming marriage, regardless of who is or is not invited to the wedding. So having the event itself is just fine.
What I do find tacky, however, is the idea of the bosses EXPECTING coworkers to attend. The way you word your question sounds like everyone is required to attend. If they do something during your normal work hours and continue to pay you for your work even though you are partying, then fine, whatever. But if it is outside of work, they can't demand you to go.
2006-08-03 08:05:44 · answer #3 · answered by Church Music Girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't go. If you are not good enough to be invited to the wedding, why waste an afternoon playing cheesy games with a bunch of people you don't know. The owners just want to make it look like they are important and know a lot of people. It is absolutely tacky.
2006-08-03 08:28:08 · answer #4 · answered by ozzysgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, in a way that is tacky. But, it's not actually the bride and groom that invited you to the shower. It's their friends who invited you and they really have no say so over who is or isn't invited to the wedding.
2006-08-03 08:00:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely tacky. If someone is not going to have the courtesy to invite you to the actual wedding, seems like they are just digging for gifts. Just decline graciously and send a congrats card.
2006-08-03 08:40:12 · answer #6 · answered by PMC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very tacky, someone actually did this to me recently. A Shower (baby or wedding,) is basically asking for gifts. So basically they're asking for gifts without paying $20 for fish or chicken at the reception.
2006-08-03 08:34:28 · answer #7 · answered by floormee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's definitely tacky to invite someone to the shower and not the wedding. I personally would not go.
2006-08-03 09:32:35 · answer #8 · answered by Marygoroun(d) 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are right. I suggest you attend the shower but just give them a card. That will teach them to give you people more respect than that. Only give gifts when you are invited to the wedding dinner/luncheon.
2006-08-03 08:23:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uh yeah...I'm with you. I wouldn't go and I would not give a gift. A card of congratulations maybe but that would be it. But then I'm the type that doesn't go along just to be nice. Unless you really like her I think you are ok not participating. Come up with something else to do for that time and not worry about it.
2006-08-03 08:19:44 · answer #10 · answered by freaking_morons_ugh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is always good to be polite and attend , preferably with a nice gift.
If you are not invited to the actualy wedding so much the better as you get to save money and not have to spend unnecessarily.
perhaps yr non invite was intentional ? . so ,why not just say go and enjoy the evening ?
2006-08-03 08:14:19 · answer #11 · answered by aunt_webby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋