Planning a wedding! Where do I start?

Question

I got engaged earlier last month...I'm trying to plan a wedding without all of the "required" information.

~We cannot decide on exact date because he's in the military and doesn't know if or when he's getting deployed because he's on his way to a new assignment. (We're hoping for sometime between March and May.)

~We haven't decided on a location because his family lives in Delaware, mine lives in Arizona and I live in Florida.

~We can't decide on a guest list until we figure out where the wedding is going to be.

~And let's not forget the budget...We have a vague idea of what we want but we have NO idea what it's going to cost us or how to find out.

I've signed up for accounts with brides.com and theknot.com and both of them say if I'm planning to get married within the next year I need to start planning NOW! The only price estimates I have seen them use is the $-$$$$$ system. What is one $ or $$$$$equal to?

Without knowing anything....where do I start?

Answer 1

Its ok. Calm down. My family is in AZ his is in UT, they are from Baton Rouge in Louisiana. He is in the military and we both live in Texas. I have one set of grandparents here and all of our friends are out of town in other states. Plan on getting married where the both of you live and have others commute. We have too many friends and family in too many parts of the world.

Its easier to plan on getting married where voth of you live and it will keep your guest list smaller because everyone will not be able to commute. Smaller guest list = smaller expense.

So the date? Well what does he do? My brother is a Navigation Instructor at Hurlbert Field in FL and his deployments are on rotations. His commander should have an idea. And if you set a date and he tells his commander and is deployed he WILL BE FLOWN BACK for the wedding. I am a military wife. We went and got married privately and secretly before the wedding. The wedding is not until March but the military is kind enough to send your fiance back.

So set a date, between March and May? If you get married in Florida dont plan on March or beginning of April. Spring Breakers will drive the rates through the roof on hotels. In may stay away from Memorial Day Weekend Florida is a tourist trap. A good time would be around the third week in April or the second week in May. If you have friends in school it would conflict with final exam times to have it the first of May end of April. The weather is nice and you wont have the competition of June brides when the rates go through the roof.

I am a great planner and if you have any questions or want any help please feel free to email me. Congratulations and welcome to being a Military wife. It will be ok.

$ Inexpensive

$$ Affordably Priced

$$$ Moderately Priced

$$$$ Expensive


Depends on what you are looking for. A dress $ less than 1000 $$$$ More than 5,000

Those signs are based on the AVERAGE prices of things.

Answer 2

OK, It looks like much of your post has been answered by the folks here, but I thoughts I'd throw in a suggestion or two on the family/location issue!

One possibility to consider is a destination wedding. this may sound like an expensive option, and a little out there, but destination weddings can actually help to save expenses, and resolve many of the issues that arise over choosing a location to appease families in separate areas of the country.

Most newlyweds will head off on their honeymoon to an exotic location, and most of the major resorts, such as Sandals in the Caribbean, will arrange and handle your wedding completely free of charge if you're staying with them for more than a few days.

I mentioned the Caribbean above, and this would be a perfect choice, with the Bahamas being only a couple of hundred miles from Florida, with numerous flights running daily, so getting there is easy.

Guests may be an issue, as some will not be able to make it, but this can be a blessing in disguise, allowing you to keep your guess list small and intimate, without offending the family and friends on the edges of your circle.

In all, the benefits to you and your man are clear - breaking the news to your families may be a little more tricky!

Good Luck in everything, what ever you decide!

Answer 3

First, pick your date or at least a time of year. Then, look in the phone book under "wedding." A lot of reception sites, caterers, bakers, florists will be listed there. Otherwise, look up the individual entries of "banquets", "caterers", "florists", etc. Then, call the places and book appointments. Start with the ceremony location and reception site, depending on which one is more important to you (if, for example, you already know where you want the ceremony to be, start there so you can ensure your date). Compare the services of each one, keeping in mind that not everything is equal. Location, appearance, packages, etc. will all vary, and you will have to decide what is most important for you. Then arrange food, photography/videography, dj, transportation, florists, and cake in that order. Florists and bakers can do more than one wedding a day, but photographers can't so they need to be booked first. Once you have the vendors, then focus on the details like programs, favors, centerpieces, etc. The vendor search can be a little overwhelming at first because it's a lot of phone and leg work, but once you get the hang of it you can overlap planning the details with planning the big stuff. The Knot has a lot of wedding planning ideas. They also have a handy checklist that you can customize to feature the things you want to include in your wedding. There is no reason why you need a wedding planner, and they often get you to spend more than you otherwise would want to. If you want any more detail, contact me directly. I loved planning my wedding!

Answer 4

Budget, depending on who's paying for it just figure out what the max. amount your aloud to use would be and as your figuring out things you want and things your willing to pay more or less for you can come up with a realistic budget to stay under that number.......

Location is 2nd, based on a month or time frame and that is most likely the hardest to figure out (unless you have the ceremony & reception at a simple location like a church, someones house, etc.) & about the amount of people you are having 50-100, 100-200?
ALWAYS REMEMBER this is his and your day not anybody else, if they can't come they can't, the important people WILL be there don't worry

Once you find a location, you can come up with a date based on what they have, unless you are praticalur on a special date, it's NOT simple to pick a date then location because sometimes they're already booked for that date

After a location and date are set, do the things that have to be booked for your date: Food, Cake, Music, Chairs, effiencent, Flowers, etc. (anything rented or comsumed basically)

And just work your way down the list of things you need for your wedding...


As for the $$$$ system I never got it either, I just used those sites to look at pictures, and looked else where for REAL prices:)
Hope this helps if you have more questions just email me

Answer 5

Okay, firstly, breathe. I'm helping a gf of mine plan her wedding since I'm in it. Well, the date will be important, because one of the first things you'll need to reserve is the reception hall, and the photographer. I understand why you can't seem to set the date, but, it'll get easier.
Second. Where does HE live? If you both live in FLA, have it there. But you'll have to understand if people cannot come due to the fact that it's so far away.
Third.. Guestlists change OFTEN. Just pick a number and stick to it.
Four. Start looking at some of the places in the "In Your Area" section on theknot.com They often list prices on their websites.
Five. The prices vary from place to place. So, I suggest actually going to the places' sites so that you can see the prices.
And finally, CONGRATULATIONS! And good luck.

Answer 6

I'm getting married in September after being engaged for almost a year. Your "fun" is just beginning. It is long and stressful, but I think it will be worth it.

While you are trying to make decisions about where, I would begin asking friends or calling around to florists, reception halls, etc. to inquire about prices. When you know your budget, this can help you decide where to get married.

No matter how many pictures and magazines you look at, you'll change your mind when you have a dress on - so I would try on dresses early on before you get bogged down in planning and then you can plan the "look" of your wedding around the dress.

Get things done early - book people early and make decorating decisions later. For instance, the biggest stress is finding available people. Find the florist your most comfortable with, book them, and then make an appointment to actually discuss flowers closer the wedding - same with photographer, etc.

Enjoy yourself! Take time.... and try to relax! It is hard!

Answer 7

First, congratulations on your engagement!

Second, put down on paper lists of pros and cons about everything. Just sit down with your fiance and think - what exactly do you want and how important is it? Where do you want to have it? How big of a guest list would you want? Just all the questions you can think, and then start thinking of answers.


With your newfound information - you should start by deciding where to have it. It's the toughest decision but HAS to be made.

My reason in thinking that is this:
-depending on where you decide to get married, you may not have much of a choice date-wise. I had a date all chosen and everything, but my dream location was taken so I had to push it back to almost a month later (totally worth it though!)

-the location - will be a much easier task if you know what city or area you're looking in. To try to do research about locations in all the different states - it's going to be very overwhelming (and it sounds like you are already feeling overwhelmed!)

-the guest list - well you can start on that first but you can't finalize it until you know the location.

-the budget - this is a tough one. I would say that it comes first, but at the same time if you are asking either of your parents for help with this, you might run into some roadblocks. A friend of mine got married in the same city she went to college in, instead of her parents' hometown - and they decided that they didn't want to help pay for it because it was not near them. It's just that you never know how people will feel about it. A talk with both of your parents and/or whoever else may help pay for the wedding is in order. Tell them the kinds of things that you want to do, and what you think the budget may be.

The easiest way I think to find out the budget is to think about what you want and call vendors to ask. If you dream about a park, lots of daisies and 100 people, call parks and florists. If you are thinking that you want to serve a fancy dinner, call a few caterers or restaurants that host wedding receptions.

I know there is a lot to think about. Just take it day by day, follow checklists and guidelines that you find at theknot.com especially (but don't stress out too much about the dates!) - and just remember, plenty of people have planned wonderful weddings in just a few weeks. You are fine and you will get it all done, I promise. Good luck!

Answer 8

Ahh that is hard,
You need to make decisions, Start with the budget, either way you need to figure out how much you want to spend.

Then, I created a Binder and did Tabs: Basics (with clothes, ect), Ceremony, Reception, Budget, Guest List, Ect. This has been a lifesaver to keep all my information in.

I would start looking at places for the wedding, if you don't know search both possibilities of where it would be, This will take a lot of time, alot of research.

Also you guest list, why would this change depending on where it will be? Either place should have the same people invited... or at least family to start...

Answer 9

We planned a wedding in 3 months flat and it isn't hard to do as long as you're organised and not an easily stressed person.

The thing that you need to do the earliest is book a place for the ceremony and for the reception because if you leave it too late then you may not be able to get what you want. This is obviously hard to do if you haven't set a date but it is probably the most important thing for planning a lot of the other little bits (eg musicians, flowers, cake etc).

If you're OK to compromise with whatever venue is available then there probably isn't too much to worry about now. Spend your time now getting ideas (eg saving pictures of dresses, flowers, hairstyles, decorations etc you like) but don't worry too much about details yet. You could easily leave it until 6 months out before worrying too much about details.

Answer 10

I was in the same situation last year, my husband's in the navy. Just set a date, any date! Have it set. Start planning around it. Mine had to change several times. It's easier to change than you think. You just have to start with *something* to get anywhere.

Do the wedding in Florida. If you're going to be the one planning it, it's going to be TONS easier that way. Reserve a block of hotel rooms for family and friends that will be flying in. When it comes time to check out vendors, do taste-testing, set up the site, etc, you aren't going to want to have to hop on a plane to get there.

I used the weddingchannel.com to plan my wedding - I haven't looked too hard at the other sites you mentioned, they may all be pretty much the same, but the weddingchannel.com has handy checklists, guest address lists, etc. and planning reminders.

Like another responder mentioned, you don't necessarily NEED a year to plan a wedding. Although I started thinking about things about 8 months in advance, I was still in school and didn't do any of the real planning until about 2-3 months beforehand. Most important to get out of the way, which you should be able to do now, is to pick out your dress and bridesmaids dresses, so that there's plenty of time for the girls to have their dresses altered.

Pick a color scheme, start looking at centerpieces/favors/invitations...there's plenty you can do now. But like I said, go ahead and *set* a date, it's easier to change it than it is to pull it out of nowhere at a later time! It at least gives vendors, etc. an IDEA of when, and you can let them know it's liable to change. Might want to send the invitations out a *little* later than recommended, just to make sure the military doesn't pull any fast ones on ya =)

Good luck! Don't fret! It'll all come together!