whats ur favourite joke?

Answer 1

A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money.

They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, "I make bets."

The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "For example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet."

The old lady says, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady says, "OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?"

"Sure," says the president.

That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.

The next morning at 10 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president's balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see. The president does this.

The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them.

"Well, OK" says the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady, "What is wrong with your lawyer?"

She replies, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I'd have The Bank of America's president's balls in my hands!"

Answer 2

travelling salesman was out in the country one evening and wasn't sure how to get back to the main highway. He came upon a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.
"Sure," said the farmer. "I've got some beans and cornbread on the stove, but I've only got one bed, so you'll have to sleep with me."

The salesman was very grateful. So they had dinner and went to bed early. The salesman was used to keeping late hours and couldn't get to sleep. His tossing and turning was keeping the farmer awake so the farmer finally suggested they play football. The salesman didn't understand.

"Here's how it works," said the farmer. "Everytime you fart, it's a touchdown." The salesman thought it sounded fun, and they started playing. The salesman took an immediate lead, with the farmer struggling to squeeze even one out. Finally he felt one coming on and he strained and grunted and strained and grunted...and let a big wet one rip all over his side of the bed.

"What'll we do now?" exclaimed the salesman.

"Halftime. Switch sides."

Answer 3

13 Reasons to Smile

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.



Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.



How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and over fifty for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"



I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."



Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!



Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.



Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"



And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

AND...

The President, First Lady and Dick Cheney were
> flying on Air Force One.
>
> George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You
> know, I could throw a
> $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make
> somebody very happy."
>
> Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could
> throw ten $100
> bills out of the window and make ten people very
> happy."
>
> Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw
> one hundred $10
> bills out of the window and make a hundred people
> very happy."
>
> Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes
> and said to his
> co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. Hell, I could
> throw all of them
> out of the window and make 56 million people very
> happy.

Answer 4

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?""Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her."I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.""Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.""If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman."But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden."That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you couldstart at any moment.""Have a nice day madam," and he
left.MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Answer 5

A lecturer was talking to his class of 1st year medical students in dissection hall

"There are 2 things you need to be a good doctor.istly, you must be disgusted by anything that has got to do with the cadavers (dead bodies)"

He then stuck his finger into the cadaver's anus and suck his finger right after that. Pointed to a student and told him to do the same thing.

Apalled student was horrified but follow suit anyway.

Once done, the lecturer continued to the 2nd thing to be a good doc- PERCEPTION.

"i stuck my index finger in but i sucked my middle finger!"

my fav medical joke!

Answer 6

Well, it's not my fave joke but it's 1 of them: Q) What did the left leg say to the right leg? A) Between me and you I think we need a hair cut .LOL

Answer 7

A boy was walking to school when suddenly a man jumped out of the bushes and shouted "PINKONPINKONPINKONPINKONPINK" before running away. The boy was very puzzled by this, and stood there for a minute pondering what had just happened. In the end he realised he was going to be late for school, so he picked up the pace and ran to school.

Upon the boy arriving five minutes late, the teacher asked why he was late.

"Well Ms, I was walking to school like normal when a guy jumped out the bushes and shouted 'pinkonpinkonpinkonpinkonpink'"

The teacher shook her head. "Ooh, pink on pink, you best be going to the headteacher's office"

So, the puzzled student left the classroom and went up to the headteacher's office. He knocked on the door, and then entered, and the headteacher asked why he'd been sent there.

"Well, sir, I was late for class so the teacher sent me here" he replied.

"And why were you late!?" the headteacher asked.

"Well, sir, I was on my way to school when a guy jumped out the bushes and shouted pinkonpinkonpinkonpinkonpink" the boy explained.

"Ooh, pink on pink, you best be going home" the headteacher said. So, the confused boy left school and walked home. When he got home, his parents asked why he was home so early.

"Because I was late for school, so the teacher sent me to the headmaster who sent me back here" the boy replied.

"And why were you late?" his mother asked.

"Well, I was on my way to school when a guy jumped out and shouted pinkonpinkonpinkonpinkonpink"

"Ooh, pink on pink, I'm afraid we best send you to military school"
his father replied. His parents went into the kitchen, made a phone call, and then sent him to the bus station where he was to be picked up.

The stumped boy left home and went to the bus station. Soon enough, a bus that went to military school pulled up. He got on, and he was driven to military school. Upon arrival, him and a few others were suited up, and then had to line up so the sergent could inspect them.

They all lined up, and the sergent walked towards them. He walked to the one next to the boy.

"WHY ARE YOU HERE, SON!?" the sergent shouted.

"I ran away from home and stole a car" the lad said. The sergent then moved onto the boy.

"AND WHY ARE YOU HERE!?" the sergent barked.

"Well, I was walking to school and a guy jumped out the bushes and shouted pinkonpinkonpinkonpinkonpink, so I was late, and I was sent home, and then I was sent here" the boy said.

"Ooh, pink on pink, I think the best place for you is home, son" the sergent said. So, the boy changed back into his own clothes, hopped back on the bus and was driven back home. Upon getting off of the bus, he saw the man who had shouted pinkonpinkonpinkonpinkonpink before. He wanted answers, so he walked right up to him.

"Hey, you, what does PINKONPINKONPINKONPINKONPINK mean?" the boy asked.

The man thought for a minute, then said "If you cross the road, go into that office building, climb up the staircase to the top floor, knock on the window, come back down, run round the warehouse three times, and then come back over here I'll tell you"

The boy was desperate to know what it meant, so he ran across the road, opened the door to the office building, ignored the receptionist and ran up to the top floor via the staircase, knocked on the window facing the man, and now very worn out, ran all the way down the staircase, ran out of the office building, ran around the office building once, twice, three times and then ran into the road and got run over.

The moral of the story? Look both ways before crossing, kids!

Answer 8

My mirror I always have a good laugh when I see whats looking at me in it

Answer 9

roses r red
violets are blue
u wer in a zoo
and i was there too
not with you
but laughing at you

Answer 10

roses are red,
2 points were free,
lets make my day
and give 10 my way