My boyfriend and ! have been together a little over a year and we have a great relationship..we see each other almost every day and hes very close with my family..I have no reason to break up with him, however, I have a trust issue with him going away. He's offered for me to come with him but that's not an option. He says he'll pay for me to come visit him also...I feel that he may cheat whether we remain together or not. I feel this is a time where we should decide if we really love each other or not and if we are meant for each other we'll remain in contact and stay together when he comes back. However, I do not want to be waiting around while he's "soiling his royal oats" to come back to me. I don't trust the situation and I'd rather us take a break so that it can be accepted for both of us to equally do whatever we please instead of just him.
When I suggested this he got upset and didn't want it. What should I do?
2006-08-03 07:36:54 · 22 answers · asked by LONG ISLAND GIRL 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Should I enforce it anyways and hurt him but shield myself or will I be pushing him out the door by doing this? I don't want to be sitting at home crying because he's not picking up his phone or I can't get ahold of him. I also don't want to have to catch him in an act so I'd rather just let the situation be loose for my and our relationships sake.
2006-08-03 07:38:38 · update #1
More info-
In the beginning of our relationship..the first month..he "made out", maybe even more, with some girl from school on a school trip. He was away for three days and called me every night and spoke to me for hours on the phone. Meanwhile, he was f-ing around on me. So he sure tricked me good on this trip. He promised to make the relationship better and he did..he also said he'd never take another trip and he didn't..but now he's obligated to go..and I can't trust him..our relationship is really good and there hasn't been any cheating since but that doesn't mean there won't be again.
2006-08-03 07:44:22 · update #2
Reading your question I would have thought that he was going away for 2 years. 2 months goes by so fast these days. If he's cheated on you and hasn't done it since, maybe he's grown up. Now he's good with your family and friends, invited you to visit, and offered to pay for the visit, I don't see why this is such a problem at this point. Most important of all. This guy has a job and it sounds a damn good one. I know people who are miserable if their bf/gf goes away for a week. But this guy seems to have matured and has a future planned and so far it sounds like you are included. Its only 2 months and like I said before 2 months is no time these days. Why do you feel that he may cheat again, a gut feeling? what's different about where he's going that he'd cheat there all of the sudden. I could see if he was going away and never brought up how you two would work out visits. But this guy said up front your plane ticket is paid for. I know he kept his promise not to go on another trip, but is that really realistic when someone has a job that may require some travel, it would be hard to keep a promise like that if that's the case.
2006-08-03 08:24:36 · answer #1 · answered by styymy_2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I don't think he would offer u going with him if he was thinking of cheating ... and who r u? r u willing to have sex with a guy u know for less than 2 months(sluuukhhhht sluuuukhhht coughing) ... and if not about sex then its an amazing feeling missing someone u love ... it even a better feeling to trust and see it paid off and ur relationship will be sooo great ...
and face it if are willing to leave someone just because they won't be there for a cuple of months ... u won't be crying if he don't answer ur calls ... and then u can move on ...
so I would say stay with him ... visit him a couple of times, stay there for several days to see what he is doing ... and if all worked out u'll be happy u didn't leave him ... and if you leave now u will alwasy ask yourself what if he wouldn't cheat ... and that's ****** ...
And I see some say if u don't trust him leave him ... or how can you trust him later if you don't trust him now ... well have you seen anything from him that you don't trust him ... or do you just not trust him 'cuase u don't feel like it??? trust don't just happens ... has to be earned ... this is a great chance, maybe after this u can trust him and he earned it ... and if you don't cheat on him then he would be trusting u too ...
THINK ... TALK
2006-08-03 08:03:37 · answer #2 · answered by The Gnostic Psycho 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very important lesson and your decision is a reflection of who you are in a relationship. Once the trust is broken you either forgive and move on (which you haven't) or you leave the relationship. You are obviously a woman with high standards and a moral conscience. (good for you)
I think you should follow your gut instinct on this and move on.
You will most likely never forget the time he cheated on you and this will come up over and over... been there done that! Don't waste your time!
2006-08-03 07:59:11 · answer #3 · answered by la dolce vita 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
....i think this idea is quite stupid. you do have a reason to break up with him--you think he will cheat. well, obviously you don't have the greatest bonds...if you don't trust him with something like that it can really cripple your relationship. you need to give him space. would you cheat on him if you went on a trip to the carribean for 2 months? if the answer is no--then give him a chance too. squelching a man's ability to be an individual (vs. a boyfriend) is a VERY bad thing to do. just like you need time to be by yourself, so does he. BUT if the answer was yes--to put it lightly: you shouldn't be together. if you do not trust him now, how will you trust him later?
2006-08-03 07:47:38 · answer #4 · answered by mami chula 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
baby girl, this is the time that the bond of your relationship is being tested. 2 months is not long at all. if your relationship is strong then this is not even an issue. all relationship is base upon trust. and trust you must have to survive. you're thinking way too far in the future and play "what if" game too often. you're a strong will person. and i don't think this will interrupt your relationship @ all. i'm sure he's worth all the trouble right?
2006-08-03 07:45:14 · answer #5 · answered by harmony 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your looking for the pre-emptory dump. You want to dump him so he doesn't dump you thus he'll hurt more than you. You want to dump him because you don't trust him. Why don't you trust him? That's the key to this. There must be something in his background ( or perhaps yours ) that makes you question him.
Here's the bottom line. You're not looking to protect the relationship. You're not even looking to protect him. You looking to protect yourself. If your distrust in him is so deep that you're willing to kill a relationship because of something he MIGHT do then you really need to examine why and if you should be in this relationship at all.
2006-08-03 07:47:30 · answer #6 · answered by JB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i will comprehend your situation, given the previous situation. in case you the two fairly love one yet another, and you think of he incredibly meant what he mentioned approximately making issues extra effective, you should stay at the same time. 2 months is a protracted time to be faraway from somebody you like, although this is worth it. i'm no longer able to in my opinion enable you comprehend that's right, in view so you might make. the perfect i will do is grant my opinion, that's that in case you think of you could have faith him, and in case you think of he's easy approximately your relationship, you should stay at the same time. EDIT: i'd additionally decide to declare that I strongly disagree with the 1st respond to this question. If somebody is actual in love, being aside won't quickly mean they're going to cheat. particular, some human beings do, yet it fairly is a repulsive element to do.
2016-09-28 21:08:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
damn u woulda thought tht after a year tht u wouldve gotten the trust issue.. but doesnt look like it. suggest this to him..
if he doesnt answer his phone or if he seems to be acting all weird when he does answer the phone then ur just goin to assume tht hes cheating and break up with him rite there and then. tht'll warn him kinda. but dont break up with him rite now.. he hasnt done anything yet. and who knws .. i mean yea i knw hes a guuy but not ALL guys cheat on their gf's once seperated from them for a short period of time. but yea just do wht ur heart tells u. im sure you knw deep inside if u care about him too much to lose him just like this over nothing.
2006-08-03 07:44:01 · answer #8 · answered by MiiSS CHRiiSS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The bottom line here is that you are in a relationship with someone that you don't trust. It's time to break up with him and move on.
2006-08-03 07:40:02 · answer #9 · answered by Otis F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously trust is an issue here. Go with your gut and maybe try working things out when he comes back.
2006-08-03 07:39:31 · answer #10 · answered by shae 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋