can someone make me laugh i feel a lil down today ?

Question

i feel a lil down cause i miss my brother is in iraq right now i just want someone to make me happy so i wont have to think about the negative things.

Answer 1

13 Reasons to Smile

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.



Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.



How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and over fifty for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"



I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."



Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!



Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.



Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"



And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Answer 2

One of my favorite jokes - you've probably heard it before (I copied it from Yahoo answers: Entertainment & Music; Jokes & Riddles):

On a crowded train a war weary U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed middle-aged French woman's poodle. The Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired." She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"
The Marine didn't say a word, he picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor! Put this American in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans often have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong ***** out of the window."

Answer 3

A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money.

They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, "I make bets."

The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "For example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet."

The old lady says, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady says, "OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?"

"Sure," says the president.

That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.

The next morning at 10 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president's balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see. The president does this.

The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them.

"Well, OK" says the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady, "What is wrong with your lawyer?"

She replies, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I'd have The Bank of America's president's balls in my hands!"

Answer 4

A lecturer was talking to his class of 1st year medical students in dissection hall

"There are 2 things you need to be a good doctor.istly, you must be disgusted by anything that has got to do with the cadavers (dead bodies)"

He then stuck his finger into the cadaver's anus and suck his finger right after that. Pointed to a student and told him to do the same thing.

Apalled student was horrified but follow suit anyway.

Once done, the lecturer continued to the 2nd thing to be a good doc- PERCEPTION.

"i stuck my index finger in but i sucked my middle finger!"

my fav medical joke!

Answer 5

Life can be funny, and not just for humans.

Studies by various groups suggest monkeys, dogs and even rats love a good laugh. People, meanwhile, have been laughing since before they could talk.

"Indeed, neural circuits for laughter exist in very ancient regions of the brain, and ancestral forms of play and laughter existed in other animals eons before we humans came along with our 'ha-ha-has' and verbal repartee," says Jaak Panksepp, a neuroscientist at Bowling Green State University.

When chimps play and chase each other, they pant in a manner that is strikingly like human laughter, Panksepp writes in Friday's issue of the journal Science. Dogs have a similar response.

Rats chirp while they play, again in a way that resembles our giggles. Panksepp found in a previous study that when rats are playfully tickled, they chirp and bond socially with their human tickler. And they seem to like it, seeking to be tickled more. Apparently joyful rats also preferred to hang out with other chirpers.

The first laugh
Laughter in humans starts young, another clue that it's a deep-seated brain function.

"Young children, whose semantic sense of humor is marginal, laugh and shriek abundantly in the midst of their other rough-and-tumble activities," Panksepp notes.

Importantly, various recent studies on the topic suggest that laughter in animals typically involves similar play chasing. It could be that verbal jokes tickle ancient, playful circuits in our brains.

More study is needed to figure out whether animals are really laughing. The results could explain why humans like to joke around. And Panksepp speculates it might even lead to the development of treatments for laughter's dark side: depression.

Mysteries of the Universe

The evolutionary reasons behind laughter

Meanwhile, there's the question of what's so darn funny in the animal world.

"Although no one has investigated the possibility of rat humor, if it exists, it is likely to be heavily laced with slapstick," Panksepp figures. "Even if adult rodents have no well-developed cognitive sense of humor, young rats have a marvelous sense of fun."

Science has traditionally deemed animals incapable of joy and woe.

Panksepp's response: "Although some still regard laughter as a uniquely human trait, honed in the Pleistocene, the joke’s on them."
© 2006 LiveScience.com. All rights reserved.

Answer 6

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