What does spoiling your child means?

Question

I'm 17 and I have a 2 year old son.My son is not a brat,he doesn't whine or cry all the time.He has manners,and is very respectful towards everyone, so I buy him almost whatever he wants because he deserves it and he's a good boy.I have a job,and My parents tell me I am spoiling him.What does that mean? Why do ppl say you are spoling your child when you're just making your child happy and being a good parent.

Answer 1

In my opinion, the day your son becomes unappeciative is the day he is spoiled. As long as he is grateful and appreciates what you give him, he's fine. Don't forget that YOU are his mother. Whatever other people say is just their opinions...YOU have the final say in how your child is being raised.

Answer 2

OK, first off I want to praise you for the hard work your already doing. Being 17 is tough enough but being a parent and 17 has got to be a bear. The fact that your able to say that your child is well behaved is wonderful and in my opinion you are most of the way there. But in a small way your parents might be right but it's easy to correct at this point I think.

Spoiling a child is not always a bad thing it means that your giving your child what they want without them having to work for it.

Behaviour is just one part of the puzzle. It's a big one and good behaviour will make the rest much easier but it's still just part of the puzzle.

It's ok to sometimes give your child what they want as a reward for good behaviour but you should not give them everything. Hold somethings back and let them know that they will have to do something in return to get it. At two the things they will be able to do are very very small but still it's not too early to start instilling a good work ethic as well as good behaviour.

So a good report from a preschool might be what's needed for a reward. Or something of that nature. By all means continue to sometimes give them stuff. Just not all the time.

Also, consider this, is the real world going to give them every thing they want. Probably not. So be kind to your child but teach them early that just doing what your supposed to do doesn't always get you everything. Help prepare them for the real world.

Also remember and this is the hard one for really young parents but you are your childs PARENT not your childs FRIEND. You can love your child, you can have a friend relationship with your child but you must always first be their parent.

But again it already sounds like your on the right track.

Excelent question and Best of Luck

Answer 3

The term "spoiling your child" is used to point out, that if a parent gives the child every thing the child wants, then the child may think all he or she needs to do is ask for what ever the child thinks he wants at the time.

The child will grow up thinking that this is the way live is. The child will expect everyone to treat him or her the same way as the parent does.

I know you are a good parent. You, like many parents want your child, not to want, for anything. You teach him right and wrong and he is a good child, I am sure.

Now giving him everything he wants may not cause a problem now, at two but I am sure it will in a short time. If you don't start setting limits on what he can have now, he will expect you to buy him a horse, farm tractor, airplane,or what ever he thinks he needs at the time. He will not learn that thing about the cost money, that you work hard for. He may also be surprised that when you run out of money, as the price tag of things get bigger as he gets older. This is to be expected as you have taught him you have enough to get him everything? If you do good...but it is not good for him.

Once he reaches school age he will see others having things he doesn't. He will want you to buy the latest and biggest and best he thinks he needs.

I know now you can afford what he wants, but he is only two... what does he know of how things cost. It is good you can provide things for him. YOu should provide the best for him as you can.

But also not giving him every thing he wants is providing him something more important. Self disipline and later on it life learning the valve of the dollar.

Giving things to children is ok but not all the time. He will have to learn this in life and you will not be there for him always.

Providing him with help, clothes, food and protection is your job in his life now. Helping learn the practical things in life is the best you can do for him.

So maybe reacess what you give him and maybe 21 years from now he will come to you and thank you for being such good parent.

Answer 4

First off the person saying you shouldnt have a child at 17... you can bite me! thats not your place to say what someone should or should not do, I had a child at 17 what ya gonna do about it?!

any way the thing is, you want your child to be happy and enjoy life right? than the worse thing to do is give him everything he wants. rewards are fine but they should be associated with work or good behavior. If you tell your son "pick up your toys today and I will buy you an Icee..." than thats good he understands when he helps mommy and does what he is asked he will get a reward. Buying gifts for a birthday or holiday is a differnt thing but when he thinks that he will always get what he wants he will not appreciate what he has.
When he gets older the concept will stick and he will wonder why his boss wont give him a raise at work, when he really really wants one!
Have you ever notice him being rough with his toys or breaking things and not being concerned about it? The best thing you can do for your son is to teach him the value of work and helping others and to apprciate the items people buy for him....how's that for a teenage mother?!

Answer 5

Because you are buying him whatever he wants and when he gets older he is going to expect that. Instead of buying him whatever he wants try just complimenting him on what a good job he did. The next time he does something good don't buy him whatever he wants and see how he reacts. You need to teach him that the world isnt going to revolve around him and not to expect to get something for every good deed he does. I'm not saying that you are a bad mother, but you are not just a mother, you are his very first teacher. Think about when he starts school. The teacher says that he is doing an exellent job but doest give him anything or when he gets his first job and his boss says that he does an exellent job but dont give him a raise or bonus. How he is teached now will impact his whole life. I suggest instead of buying him something everytime he does a good deed try giving him an allowance once a week this way you are also teaching him about money. I know you'll probably say that he is to young for that and it could be a hazzard, but buy him a piggy bank and put it iin there or tell him that mommy will hold on to it until we go shopping. How we treat and teach our children now will effect the rest of their lives.

Answer 6

If you continue to give him everything he wants he won't learn the value and satisfaction of earning something. Another problem is your son may develop a false sense of entitlement, meaning that even though he's done nothing he wants what others have worked hard for...If he is well behaved (or not) try to develop a reward system for him that will eventually become an allowance...teaching him early on the "value" of "things" will help him tremendously later in life. An example of this would be if he's quiet at church he gets a gold star, when he gets 5 gold stars he can have a small toy, when he has 50 stars he can get something extra special...

Answer 7

There is a difference between spoiling kids to the point that they are uncontrollable brats and buying toys for them. Toys, especially educational ones are good for them because they help them learn, and it helps build their imagination. Not disciplining a child and THEN giving them what they want is spoiling. When a child screams at a store because they can't have something and then a parent gives in so they are not embarrassed will on;y lead to problems down the road.

Answer 8

Wow, there are a lot of answers! Some of them are very insightful. A few seemed just bitter and jaded to me. 1) Go with your instincts & 2) Don't be afraid to say "no" some of the time.

Here's an idea that hasn't been mentioned, try taking some of the money that you would otherwise spend on toys for him and start putting it in a savings account for emergencies or for when he gets older. Think of it as a college fund or in case you or your son gets sick and you need to take a lot of time off of work or you end up needing to spend it on medical expenses (insurance doesn't cover everything), major auto repair or the like. It's always good to have some money in the bank... the more buffer that you have the more freedom that you and your son will have down the road.

There are lots of ways that you can dote on your kids that don't involve spending money on them... take them to the library or the park. Go look at clouds together, go for a walk, draw or paint together. Play games. Tickle and be silly. Read him a story. Have him "help" you fold laundry or make a meal. Kids that age can dump ingredients into a bowl, stire and "wash" vegetables in the sink. My daughter likes to stand on a stool or chair and watch or play in the sink while I cook sometimes. Just get him involved in whatever you are doing.

There are tons of ideas out there! The time that you spend with him (as you probably already know) is far more valuable than anything that you can ever buy for him!!!!

Good luck, honey!!! And don't let anyone ever get you down about being a young mama. In times past being a mother at your age was the norm. It may be challenging at times. But, you can do it!!!

---- Oh, and btw .... your son's sweet dimeanor may shift as he gets older. Children need to test the boundaries to see if the rules are the same. They need those boundaries to create a safe and secure place. It's our job as parents to provide that wall for them to throw themselves up against every now and then (some more often then others). :)

As your child gets older he will want more independence. He will want to do everything on his own ... even things that he isn't ready for. As long as it's safe t's important to let them try even if they won't be able to do it just yet. That's how kids learn. But, it's also our job to be there to guide and help them when needed.

As long as you know that it's normal for your kid to test the limits you should be able to handle it and not freak out that you're doing something wrong. All kids go through that stage. My four-year old is very strong-willed and stubborn (like her mama). So, she does this all the time.... esp. when she's hungry, tired & cranky.

The best we can do is to set firm, consistent boundaries and give them as much love, patience & nurturing as we can .... even when they are throwing a fit. And believe me there will be times when that can be the most challenging thing that you have ever done! ;-)

My local community college has a parenting class in the psychology section. I found it very helpful. You might want to look in your area to see if you can find something similar. Otherwise, maybe you can try to get a copy of the book. It's only $13 on Amazon. :) I found it had a lot of really helpful information and ideas on stuff like this. The book is called "Becoming the Parent that You Want to Be." by Laura Davis.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553067508

Good luck, sweetie!!!!

Answer 9

I think you are spoiling him in the aspect you can no always get what you want in life. And he is going to become acustomed to you always giving him what he wants. What if one day God forbid you cant afford it. He wont be happy, or he will expect others to do this because you do. I have a friend who does the same thing and every thing does not need to be rewarded. It will just make him a well rounded person to know that certain things you must work for the same way you work.

Answer 10

Be a parent and not their friend. Okay you love your child that's great. Now your child goes to school and he wants what little Johnny has and the teacher says "no." he may fly into a rage because you have given him everything and he expects everyone to be his all loving Mommy. You have to prepare your child for life and the child has to realize that just because he wants something doesn't mean he is going to get it. When he wants the state of Texas can you afford to buy it or will he hate you because you can't? Love your child that is and will always be a wonderful gift from you to him. Teaching him the world does not revolve around him will make him a better man.

Answer 11

To me it doesn't sound like ur child is spoiled. As long as he does have very good manners in public and out of public. Your son is 2, he deserves toys, just make sure he doesn't get what he wants, when he wants it all the time. If you are worried that not giving him what he wants will affect his attitude towards you when he gets older, it won't. I didn't get anything I wanted when younger and I love my parents.