Need to text my husband some jokes. He needs to be cheered up!
2006-08-03 06:35:16 · 9 answers · asked by ShineOnYouCrazyDiamond 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A college class was told they had to write a short story in
as few words as possible. The instructions were that the
short story had to contain the following three things:
(1) Religion
(2) Sexuality
(3) Mystery
Below is the only A+ paper in the class.
"Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who the father is."
2006-08-06 04:34:45 · answer #1 · answered by Dellajoy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
13 Reasons to Smile
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and over fifty for Miss America?
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"
And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
2006-08-03 14:07:49 · answer #2 · answered by nichellecomicbookgirl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why was the ketchup last in the race?
It couldn't ketch-up!
Why did the cabbage win the race?
Because it was a-head!
What's the name of the little girl who went out saving wolves?
Little Green Riding Hood
Who carries a basket, visits Grandma and steals her jeweler?
Little Red Robin Hood
What were Tarzan's last words?
Who greased the vine!
What do people do in clock factories?
They make faces all day
Why did the tap dancer retire?
He kept falling in the sink
How does the biologist like to communicate?
With his cell phone!
What's the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can't tuna fish
What's got a trunk, lots of keys and four legs?
A piano up a tree
What would the U.S. be called if everyone in it drove pink cars?
A pink car-nation!
What would the U.S. be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?
A re-in-car-nation!
Why did the crab get arrested?
Because he was always pinching things
What do whales eat?
Fish and ships.
2006-08-03 13:46:20 · answer #3 · answered by giko 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Bubba died in a fire
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue
needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best
friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything
together.
Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,
Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him
over."
The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."
The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer
in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Yup,
he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."
"What? He had two assholes?!" said the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town,
folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"
2006-08-04 12:06:43 · answer #4 · answered by DAMIND 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How about a joke I heard from a truck driver today....
Why is sex like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
When your finished with the breasts and thighs, you still have a greasey box to put your bone in.
2006-08-03 14:28:55 · answer #5 · answered by MsDebi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
confucias once say man who stick pen!s in peanut jar is fuccing nuts
2006-08-03 13:42:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Confuscius says," Girl who has sex in a coffin soon become mummy."
2006-08-04 09:35:20 · answer #7 · answered by scourgeoftheleft 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Why does a polack carry a turd in his back pocket?
Ans. Identification
2006-08-03 13:45:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
can it be corny???
Why did the cookie go to the hospital....
Because he was feeling Crummy!!!!!
2006-08-03 13:45:36 · answer #9 · answered by Sara! G 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋