Parent problem??? I guess...? I'm 14.?

Question

I’m 14, a straight A student, first chair in orchestra, so you could say I’m well off, but I have a problem.

My parents are nice people but I get the feeling they don’t trust me. They told me I’m not allowed to date/wear makeup until I am in my third year of college or around 21 years old. When I tell them I’m full from dinner, they think I’m trying to lose weight or something, and then they make me eat more even if I’m about to throw up. I’m not allowed to leave the house and I can’t hang out with friends at all. If I get a “B” on something, they get really mad. They tell me that I shouldn’t be thinking about how I look and that I should be happy with the hand-me-downs that I get for clothes, since I am “just a kid.”

I’m scared to talk to them, because I’m pretty sure their reaction won’t be very understanding… I know that I am lucky to live in a nice home and stuff and that they're just concerned, but it makes me unhappy. Am I being unreasonable? Any advice? Thanks.

Answer 1

They might be a little over protective, but this is obviously out of love. If you read the questions on here - you see what they are trying to protect you from. They want to protect your heart, protect you from having a baby that you can't take care of, and protect you from being taken advantage by a guy who just wants to stick it to you then dump you for the next warm hole. Try to come to a compromise about some of the rules but be thankful that they love you so much. Good luck.

Answer 2

Sweetheart, I don't think you are being unreasonable at all! I have a 14-year-old and maybe your parents forgot what it is to be that age. Sounds like you do have a lot of good things going for you - that is great and keep that up no matter what!

Maybe try your school guidance counselor? A teacher you trust, or other trusted adult? If you're the youngest or only child, then it's possible that one or both parents are feeling "old" that you are growing up and becoming a young lady and not a little kid anymore. I know that doesn't make the situation any better, but perhaps give you a little understanding.

I like for my son's friends to hang out here, so I make the place as teen-cool as possible - we plan on putting in a pool soon, we work on muscle cars as a family and have a place to do that type of thing, I buy lots of extra snack foods and sodas and just try to let the kids do their own thing unless it is really doing some damage or is extremely unhealthy.

As for the eating thing, I'm a small eater myself and can totally sympathize. Try not to snack between meals, so that you are hungrier. If you eat slowly, you can't always eat quite as much so try eating just a little faster, maybe? If it's your dad pushing you, remind him that teenage boys eat more than teenage girls.

Teenage girls care a LOT how they look, how others view them, weight issues, and complexion - just to name a few. Hang in there and please don't do anything drastic!! You sound like an outstanding young person and I wish you all the best, dear!

Answer 3

Some parents are more strict than others, and yours happen to be on the very strict end. I realize this isn't easy on you but as you say, they are doing what they do out of love for you. The one thing that is a concern here is that it sounds like they plan on controlling you completely till your 21. You do realize that long before that you can make a choice to go a different route and break away don't you? I'm not saying you should, but that will be an option in the future. I realize your scared to talk to your parents, which I consider a really bad thing, but I still think you need to learn to discuss these things with them and let them know how you feel. It might not change anything but at least you will know that you tried.

Answer 4

Well first of all, congrats on being an A student and well off! However, it seems that your parents are being unreasonable and somewhat overprotective. Have you ever given them a reason not to trust you? If so, then that is why they are so hard on you. I would try talking with them, even though your expectations are not what you may want to hear. Sometimes, if you talk to your parents, maybe they can meet you half way on some of the rules...They are just trying to teach you how to be responsible and act responsible...but talking to them seems to be the only choice and I hope that they can at least see how you feel...the problem is you are young, so there are not many decisions that you can make on your own..I wish you much luck.

Answer 5

I think you have to talk to them. From experience, I can tell you that if this goes on, you will rebel and they will fight back stronger and both of you will end up hating each other. Thats not good. Try and get them to agree to alittle trust issues. Let you leave the house and come back exactly when your suppose to. Let you eat what you want and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Try to gain thier trust with a few things and it may steamroll into many more trustful situations. I know you hate this, but your still very young. When your 16, there will be plenty of trust opportunites. Start small, talk to your parents, be honest with them and tell them how you feel. Its the best you can do. Actually, the best you can do is pray. If your religious and believe in God, he can help. Just follow his lead.

Answer 6

I'm sure they are acting out of love for you but their restrictions are a bit unreasonable. Once you leave for college they won't be able to stop you from wearing make-up or nice clothing.

Now they may not be able to afford it and they probably are trying their best to keep you from being preyed upon by the unscrupulous and predatory.

They shouldn't force feed you and it probably would be easier on everyone if they lightened up a bit but I wouldn't expect that to happen.

If you are really unhappy talk to a school counselor, priest or other trusted adult.

edit: You sound like a fine 14 year old. I wouldn't let their lack of trust affect how you see yourself.

Answer 7

You might not see it, but this is really a pretty good problem to have. You will grow up to be a good responsible person. They are being a bit overboard, but good parents. You have all of your life to wear make up, date, lose weight, and have fun. right now you should be concentrating on your studies and being a kid. Real life comes hard and fast, and it sucks sometimes. Your friends get away with alot, and thats cause their parents arent doing a very good job. I suggest you sit down with your parents, tell them your feelings, and try to work out a compromise!

Answer 8

Wow... Alot of times I side with the parents (and at 17, I'm sure thats not a popular thing). But I'm on your side this time. Thats scary. (But congrats on the A's :) ). I'd talk to someone besides your parents. Maybe someone in the family or at school? and adult?

I hope you can get some help.

Answer 9

ur not being unreasonable..parents sometimes go overboard when it comes to letting go.Ask them initially for the little things..if u could stay in school to help for a project & the like & see their reaction.If they do,gradually expalin to them that its fine if u'r not allowed to cake ur face in make-up but that u are growing up,u need to realize how the world takes u & how u deal with it outside the house,& now is the best time to learn as ur parents are by u,but that u need ur space as well to blossom.And if they lallow u to a stringent extent,keep their trust...may be they are insecure not about u but the harsh world outside.

Answer 10

Wow, poor girl. I think that you need to tell them exactly what you just told us. They are your parents. and they need to understand that you should be old enough to chose for yourself. if you are full, then they shouldn't be worried. I think they just don't know what to do with you, and i guess they don't trust you as much as they should. Start doing some stuff that they would like. And seriuosly talk to them, and tell them that you didn't want to talk to them bcuz you didn't think they'd understand...

I hope i helped!