How do you tell if a neighbor is too friendly to your child? How do you handle it?

Question

My neighbor is constantly in my two year olds face when we are coming and going. He tries to tickle her, poke, her and play with her. He seems to be getting a little more feely. I used to be friendly, now I cringe everytime I run into him. It is close quarters b/c we share a duplex.

Answer 1

This is your child. If you don't like the way that someone is acting with them, keep that person away from them. If you want to be polite, you simply tell the person that while you appreciate their attention towards the child, you would rather he keep his distance. If you don't care about being polite (personally I wouldn't care about being polite) tell him to keep the hell away from her.

You are this child's parent. It is your job to keep her safe until she can fend for herself in the world. If you have a bad feeling, follow through with it!!! You may be just putting some distance between her a someone who is simply being too friendly.

Or you may be keeping the hands of a child molester off your baby and saving her that world of hurt and horrible memories.

Answer 2

I am the new father of a 4-month old little girl, and this sounds like a real problem situation. I think three things are most important here.

1. Trust your instincts. I know it would be hard to "explain" exactly what it is that's not right. But that's why they're called instincts. Don't let fear of confrontation or embarassment push you into something that doesn't feel safe. Remember that she look s to you as her protector, and truthfully as God. So if this guy creeps you out, listen to your instincts and don't let him around her.

But just how do you do that?

Well, this is where people often get mixed up by not wanting to be rude, impolite, or accusatory. I think this situation is like a band-aid or a breakup; do it clean and strong. The next time you see the guy, take a few breaths and gird your loins for a confrontation. Walk up to him with confidence and purpose, and say something like, "Hi (name). I need to talk to you about something important. The way you are with (baby's name) makes me uncomfortable, so I need you not to touch her anymore. If you can just smile and wave, that would be great."

At that point, the man will probably start to protest. Continue with something like, "I hear what you're saying, but I don't want to argue. Right or wrong, I feel uncomfortable. So I need you to listen and respect that. Thanks."

You don't have to debate, or prove anything to him (or anyone else). Don't make any baseless accusations, as that will just make him feel justified in his wish to "clear his name." Keep it simple. You're the mom, you feel uncomfortable, period.

I'm not saying it will be easy, but it's critical that there's no misunderstanding about what you want and need. There are a couple of other things I would do in your situation.

2. Go to the police, tell them your situation, and ask them if the guy has had any arrests or convictions that might be of concern. Even though has hasn't done anything yet, try to get them to take your concerns down in writing. This way, if there is an incident later on, it won't be "he said/ she said." The police will see that you had concerns before, and that will mean a lot.

3. If the police find anything scary, contact your landlord in writing and explain your feelings and findings. Ask him to protect your confidence, since the guy is still next door. If the landlord isn't willing to act, start looking for somewhere else to live.

While you're there, don't project weakness, fear or embarassment in front of the guy. Remember that being overly aggressive is just as obvious a sign of fear as hunching your shoulders or avoiding eye contact. Just project a strong, aware, confident persona. If he is a predator, he will naturally seek out people who are weak, afraid, or who can be convinced over time.

Lastly, I would talk to your daughter, and make sure that nothing else has happened. If she's okay, you can probably explain that change in routine pretty easily to her. I wouldn't scare her about the guy, just let her know that we don't play with him any more.

I'm so sorry you have this problem. It's a huge headache and heartache that you neither asked for nor earned. But I think if you tackle it head-on, you'll walk away stronger, and your daughter will be one of the lucky ones. Peace.

Answer 3

Well you could be hasty with your neighbor and tell him what you are thinking but take my advice that will get you no where. You will always have to make sure she is never alone with him not even for one second. These days you just cant trust anybody. Its very sad. You dont want to be on bad terms with your neighbor but you dont want your daughter in danger. Here is a website you can go to, Mapsexoffender.com just enter your address and you can see all the sex offenders near you. As for your neighbor if it gets so bad you just can take it tell him how you feel if he gets offended keep your little girl away from him. Check out that site its good. Even if hes not on there dont just let it go every sex offender starts somewhere dont let it be with your little one.

Answer 4

listen to your gut, normally it's right especially about your childs well being.

I cant think of a good way to say stop without just saying to say stop.

How does your child react when he does this? Also, ask her how she feels about it. If she doesnt like it, give HER the ability and words to ask him to stop, but politely.. might as well hit two birds with one stone. :)

And dont think of it as pawning it off on your child to do the dirty work.. this is an EXCELLENT thing to teach a child at a young age. You want your child to be able to stick up for herself, especially if it's something that makes her feel uncomfortable.

Sometimes I believe that the hardest things for you to do, and especially when you cant figure out the RIGHT thing to do, is because it's not really MEANT for you to do. Tha's what there's no easy solution. Then you start to think in a different perspective, and something ELSE fits perfectly into place, as if it was the best solution ever. Almost like an "AHA!" moment..

does that make sense?

Answer 5

You are in a tough situation here, since he is your next door neighbor LITERALLY. I understand you dont likethis behavior, especially after hearing the news everyday right?
I mean I would have 4 eyes on him.
How does your child react?
How is the relationship between you and those neighbors? is it close? meaning have you had them for dinner,gone out together?
Does this neighbor have children? married? how old is him?
Is he like this with other children of the neighborhood?
examine everything before you say anything that can trigger a fight or an offense.
He can be a cookoo guy and you can trigger his violence with an offensive remark..or worst you dont know if this guy lost his child and is jealous of your own and your rejection makes him more crazy..
(sorry I ve seen too many movies, but things like this happen u know).
Talk to your husband if you have....Im sure he can advice you on something....and if you decide talking to him to stop with the playing, make sure to be specific, not rough or intimidating ok?just be polite (remember he lives right next to you)

Answer 6

Be open and honest, Tell him I know you want to be friendly and you wouldn't ever hurt her, but I don't like the way you are always in her face. I would like it if you would just simply not tickle her poke or play with her.

You could do a child predator search, and see if his name comes up. If it does, I suggest moving.

Answer 7

Honey say something!!! That is your child and you are entitled to say what you want especially when you are lookin out for your child well being. If he gets an attitude with you about it, get one right back. Mamas knows when something is not right and if you get a feelin that something isn't right then you need to put a stop to it. A child doesn't know but you do so I say stop it now b/f it goes any further!!!!! Good Luck.

Answer 8

If you tell him to stop, he's going to get offended and not like you. I mean, what has he really done? Is he that much of an inconvenience to you? Does he make you feel THAT uncomfortable? Have you ever looked online to see if he's a sexual predator? Look up info, if he's clean then I would forget about it.

Answer 9

Let him know that you are aware that he finds your daughter cute, but that you'd like it if he were to not be so "free with his hands" when it came to your daughter and to please keep them to himself. It may be uncomfortable for you, but isn't it worth the whole minute of "awkwardness" than to keep going through this..also for your daughter? Also...there's always that "off chance" that he's a pedophile...you are your daughter's only protector and responsible for speaking up for her since she can't....so do it. So what if you hurt his feelings...if he's a grown adult, he should understand and will be able to handle it. If not...then it was worth saying something. There are watchdog sites to check out sex offenders in each state too.

Answer 10

If you feel uncomfortable with this neighbor touching your child, TRUST THOSE INSTINCTS. Take it from me, he is bad news. If you are renting I would try speaking with the management, I don't know what they could do about it, but maybe something. Best of luck to you.