I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years but he's always in and out of jobs got a psycho ex gf with their baby and he's lied to me previously and i've found out. Recently he's been spotted in the same clothes as the day before at 10am coming from his ex's house but he wont admit he was there. I know he's lying cos my best friends mum saw him.
I just don't know whether we have a future together or not - I want to be treated like a princess and looked after and not worry about trusting someone and how we're going to pay for things. But for some reason I cant let go of him. I think i'm scared of being on my own. I just really want to be made to feel special.
He's quite an angry person at the best of times but doesnt vent his anger on me or anything but if I am to end it what will i say without hurting him too much?
2006-08-03 04:55:38 · 13 answers · asked by blushing_bird 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I wrote you a long one, and it's from my heart. If you really want to, read on......
Here's the short version:
Move on, make you #1, what to look for in guys/what to avoid, don't make excuses for anyone, raise your standards, and enjoy being alive and single....
Read on for the complete contribution of my thoughts on your dilema. You made me think about life, and want to share my experience with you.
~~~~~~
**********YOU have already answered your own question. In fact, if you have to question things at all, you should move on. You can do better.**********
it also sounds like he has unfinished business with his ex. If he has a baby with her, he always will, at least as a co-parent. This could be stressful to anyone else he is involved with, even if he does not maintain a romantic or sexual involvement with her.
You can't let go? You have written about some of his negative qualities, and made excuses for him. I wouldn't worry too much about hurting his feelings. You are not responsible for them. He is. Additionally, he does not seem to be too concerned about your feelings if he has lied to you....
You just can't let go because you are addicted to the payoff of not being alone. I don't know why you are afraid of being alone. Ever heard the cliche "It's better to be alone than to wish you were"? Don't you want to enjoy your freedom?
I guarantee, once you get past the shock of being single after breaking up with this loser, you will feel a giant weight lifted off you. You will no longer feel obligated to put up with anything, no longer be worrying about what he is doing to huirt you, and enjoy being in charge of yourself. Plus, you will be available to go out with all the great guys you want.
My advice: since you obviously have doubts, yu have NO future here with this guy. Move on because life is too short to be miserable. Don't rely on anyone to make you happy. It's not their job to, and they won't want the responsibility. Relying on others to make you happy attracts control freaks who will manipulate you, string you along, and control you to feed their own inadequacy complex. It gives them all your power.
Stay single, don't date exclusively. Let guys know you are not looking for anything serious, and that they are not the only guy you are dating. This will attract the more secure, self-assured guys who will juat want to enjoy your company. They will treat you well, and try to win you over. They will know that they have to behave, or they will be replaced at the drop of a hat. You will stay in control of things. If someone rubs you the wrong way, don't call them back.
You will know when you have a keeper, because you will find yourself "forgetting" about all of the other great guys you are dating, and you will find yourself bragging about his redeeming qualities to your friends.
You wil know this when you realize that you have no doubts or questions about how he feels about you. You will know this like you know your own name. You will trust his intentions, and trust his sincerity.
You will have to date many guys to be able to spot who is insencere and who is sincere. Watch things they do,,,those are the "tells" that speak volumes. People can be nice and try to make you like them, but what they do shows you what's in their nature, which doesn't change.
Do they have a history of violence or talk negatively about their ex'es? Do they take responsibility for their mistakes or blame the world? Are they a professional victim of cirumstance? Saty away if they are. Do they admit where they have messed up and take steps to correct it or avoid the same mistake? Do they say one thing and do another? Watch for the tells....
You do not owe anybody anything. The only person you owe anything to is yourself. Make YOU #1. Only surround yourseld with those who treat you like #!. You don't have time to deal with anything less.
Forget being responsible for other, their feelings, and keeping them happy. It's not your job.
Remember this all-so-true cliche "Once you start talking to your friends about your relationship problems, you know the relationship is over". turning to others for support indicates you have lost your faith and loyalty to your partner. it violated the secrets and intimacy between you and your partner. If you feel like turning to others, youshould recognize that you can do better.
Make you #1 and enjoy life. That is your job. Don't let anyone you back.
My two personal "tells" that I look for in people:
#! to AVOID---Those who act on their spiteful feelings. We all feel spiteful sometimes. It's a coping mechanism. But we don't act on those feelings. Doing/sayings things to others out of spite to hurt them or do something at their expense is a BIG NO-NO!!!
#2 to consider---EMPATHY. It is soooo attractive when people can see things from someone else's perspective, walk in their shoes, understand how they must feel. Keep teses people around!!!!!
Meet new people. If you are afraid to approach a guy/group of guys, make up a 5-question survey you can remember. here's an example:
1-which is more important? great sex or love? (see how long they take to answer) This will tell you if they are answering honestly or thinking of what you want you to hear.
2-ahould people avoid divorce if they have children ?(this will tell you what they feel about satisfaction in life)
3-if you had a million dollars, how would you spend it? (tell you about their priorities)
4--what aould you do if you walked in on your lover in bed with someone else(tells you their control over their spite)
5--how do you feel about elderly people? (tells you how far into the future they look, and about their level of empathy)
Ask whatever you want, but remember what they say.
Don't be nervous. This can be fun. It engages people and gets them to talk about themselves. It shows you are genuinely interested in them. It builds rapport. It tells you more about them.
Say it's for a sociology assignment or something. Bring a notebook and take notes. Don't ever give your number, but get theirs for future reference. Thank them for their input and thoughtful answers.
Good luck and have fun!
2006-08-03 06:08:29 · answer #1 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1
2016-05-07 18:19:55 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just end it. Bloody hell, you know he is a liar and a cheat. You deserve better. Just because he doesn't vent his anger towards you NOW doesn't mean he won't in the future. There are worse things than being on your own. You cannot save him. save yourself before it is too late.
2006-08-03 05:00:24 · answer #3 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get away and don't look back, he has a strong connection with the EX who has his child. He has shown you what a irresponsible person he is....
Can't hold a job
Child out of wedlock
Anger issues
Dishonesty
2006-08-03 05:06:28 · answer #4 · answered by Mike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to let loose even if you are so emotionally attached to him. Obviously he does not love you or he would not constantly lie to you and apparently cheat. Trust is the most important thing in any relationship and I see no trust in yours. Therefore no relationship.
2006-08-03 05:01:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know this is going to sound immature but why worry about his feelings when he doesn't worry about yours? let him go because you are selling yourself short of happiness by wasting this much time on him. tell him the truth don't butter it up for him because you will still want to talk to him. just be honest with him and youself
2006-08-03 05:02:22 · answer #6 · answered by lover143 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave him, if he going to be lying to u about he would be at or see his seeing someone else. look at the end you are the one who getting hurt not him. yea, its hard to leave someone that you love but something have to do what you gotta do.
2006-08-03 05:12:13 · answer #7 · answered by La Dueña 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let him go if u hold on to him and the right guy comes along you'll feel guilty about choosing the right one. just let him go know he's not right for you! good luck and just feel your heart!
2006-08-03 05:01:53 · answer #8 · answered by hotrachelle1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The quicker you get rid of him, the better. This is the experiance of all humanity.
2006-08-03 05:06:37 · answer #9 · answered by Lena 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girlfriend you should dump him and tell him and cry so he will say sorry.
2006-08-03 05:10:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have to ask on here, then you should break up!
2006-08-03 05:01:06 · answer #11 · answered by wittster 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋