Should I call It quits with my boyfriend?

Question

Okay here is the situation,he's the only guy I have ever been with in every way. We have been together for 5 years and have a 3 year old together. When we first go together he said he didn't smoke and drink but I found out he was lieing after I was pregnant. He told me he was trying to quite and he didn't want to tell me at first because I wouldn't go out with him, he still hasn't quite at all. He can't hold a job,he hangs out with his friends all night doesn't come home at night, doesn't call when he gone and he doesn't help me keep things clean and you can forget about him helping with my son. Those are the problems,I figured he's still young 22 and it may take sometime for him to grow up but I got tired of that explanation and told him he had to go I kicked him. So I figured If I kicked him and he did things for him self maybe it will help him be a better person for me and my son. What do you think, I'm trying to work it out because he's a nice guy overall. Should I let him go? help

Answer 1

I suspect you already know the right answer, but just want confirmation that you are correct. YES.
He is enough of an adult to make his mind up to do what is NOT in his, or your, best interest, and as long as you "enable" him to continue to evade responsibility he will continue to do so. He has no incentive to change when he knows you will bail him out every time by making excuses for his immaturity and irresponsibililty. You know what I say is true! You just need to come to grips emotionally with it. As much as we would like to change someone and make them more mature, we cant. The only one we can change is ourselves. So you need to make plans to look after yourself and your son. You deserve better, and so does your little one. You can, you know! Find some good counselling - friend, relative, social worker, etc. and get the advice you need to untangle this unproductive and restrictive relationship. Don't wait for something that isn't going to happen. If he does change his attitude, that would be great -but you need to set the limits on what you will accept from him. If he does decide to change, it has to be apart from you, on his own. That way you will know he is sincere in growing up and taking responsibility for his actions (or lack of them). Set some boundaries to protect yourself from his hurtful behaviour. Decide what you will not tolerate, and stick to it. Get a book called "Boundaries, when to say yes and how to say No", by Cloud and Townsend. It is an awsome book on how to take charge of your relationships and of what you deserve. It is something I wish I had read 30 yrs ago - would have saved me a lot of tough times. To me, it should be manditory reading before getting into ANY relationship!! All the best to you.

Answer 2

Let him go.. u need a man w/stability in ur life right now.. u have 1 child not 2.. sounds like he's really immature..

when he straightens up and can assist u with caring for ur son and the bills and stuff then i'd give him a 2nd chance but him being a overall good guy is not gonna get those bills pd or make ur relationship better..

with a relationship their comes sacrifice and he's obviously not ready for it...

Leave him

Answer 3

Why do chicks get knocked up by guys like this... You made your bed sweety now fix it before your three year old becomes just like his papa. A twenty two year old who can't hold a job and parties all night was such a great choice to sire your out of wed lock offspring. Wake up and do what you gotta do to raise that boy right....... no I'm not talking about your son I'm talking about your boyfriend. Shape him up now or ship him out. A boy needs a good man for a role model so if your BOY freind aint able, find a man that is.

Answer 4

Well your idea could back fire...you might throw him out and he might figure out he doesnt like to be tied down or it could go the way you want and him decide that he does love you and miss you and want to come back. This is the chance you are taking. You have to be prepared for the consequences and this is real life...it doesnt always work out the way we want like in the movies. If things are so bad that you are miserable then you have to take the chance and make some changes but if its not and the things are minor you might be losing the one you love over some minor flaws that could be worked out. Its your life and your decision. Think long and hard...maybe we shouldnt give up so easily.

Answer 5

first of all- my nephew is 20 with a son thats 1yr. he has a job he cleans he does everything tht a man should do. you need to break up with him until he does what he is suppose to do. he is taking you for a fool ma. im keeping real with you. and yes he is cheating. hard to. not to get home or call always smoking and drinking- he's doing his thang and expects you to be there and wait for his dumb a$$. if you want your relationship to work out for the best- you need to let him go and show him how fu$king serious you are.good luck

Answer 6

Sounds like he needs to grow up and he is not ready for a family yet. Keep him out of the house is a good way of trying to show him that if he doesnt grow up what will happen. Tell him he needs to grow up and get a job if he wishes to be with you and espically if he loves you he would have done that already.
GoodLuck!!!

Answer 7

the amazing thing is that you let this loser have a child with you.once a loser always a loser.kick him out and tell him that if he really cared about you then he will quit the smoking and drinking and will get a job and take some resposibility for you and his child.don't give in,he needs to grow up and he needs to do it NOW.

Answer 8

Take him to a doctor and tell them about the problems.My dad was like that to and my mom was with him for 5 years and she kicked him out and now she is alot better and belives she has a better life.I'm only 13 so I can't give you alot of advice,but do what your heart tells you to do.Do you think your life needs him?

Answer 9

Im stuck in a similar rut and beginning it wont get any better. Maybe see how it goes and if not call it a day. Try and get someone who appreciates you. He is young at 22 but try and talk to him and explain how you feel and see what happens.

Answer 10

stop calling him for a week or two, maybe he is really busy. Wait for his reply , dont look too anxious or desperate, give him time. Dont contact him for 2 weeks, if he doesnt call you after 2 weeks then leave him a message saying that if he doesnt call you in the next 2 weeks that you are leaving, if you want to.