Well I have known him for years now. And now he wants to meet. Should I pay for my trip ? should I really go? and He has children would that be healthy for them ?
2006-08-03 03:15:01 · 25 answers · asked by SECRET woman 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Be careful! The things that you have left out of the equation are huge. How many people have exes that they knew wouldn't fool around on them? How many women got in the truck willingly with Ted Bundy? Come on girl you have better sense than that.
Are you thinking of moving to his area or he yours? If not you know what long distance relationships add up to - Nada!
As for his kids, my gosh you have two things that can happen - both bad; the kids like you and then feel the loss of your leaving or the kids don't like you and actively try to sabotage the relationship.
If you are determined to go at least do this:
1. Don't meet in a private place
2. Bring a friend
3. Don't allow him to pay for the trip (maintain your own autonomy)
4. Have an exit strategy
5. Give friends and family phone numbers and specific times to expect you
He may just be a nice lonly guy looking for a friend. If so good luck, but do a whole lot more investigation before you jump into that lake head first.
2006-08-03 03:18:30 · answer #1 · answered by DMR 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, that depends. I am not a big advocate of on-line romances, but if you have 'known" him for YEARS on-line, then you have traded a lot of information. (Of course, you don't really know if ANY of it is true; you haven't been able to watch his face, listen to his intonations, read his body language.....) Nonetheless, my assumption is that you, too, would like to meet. If that is the case, may I make a few suggestions ?
First off, do you want to meet him "enough" to pay your own way ? If not, then no, you should not go. While you have and will be receiving advice that says make HIM pay your way, there are intangible obligations that go along with that --- "strings" if you will. If you pay your own way, you owe him nothing and he has no string on you. Much nicer position to be in.
Second, you have and will be receiving advice that says he should come to you. I am not sure I agree with that either - for two reasons. One, he has children and so not only would it be much harder for him to come to see you, but you might like to see the and meet the children if this is supposed to be a blossoming romantic relationship. Two, if he comes to see you, then he knows exactly where you live and you may find you don't want him to know that just yet.
Following on from my second and related to it is my third reason for you going there: if he comes to see you, there will be all the uncomfortable stuff about where will he stay ? Do you really want him in your home just yet ? (Tell me that this isn't a long-distance booty call just yet! Do not plan on sleeping with him - at your place or at his - just yet.) If you go to where HE is, then you control where you stay and how long you stay. If you approach this like a vacation - get a hotel, get a rental car, arrange to meet him at a restaurant (which is not co-located to your hotel - you don't want him to know where you are staying just yet) then you are in control of your own safety.
You may or may not know this guy - but you need to plan as if he might be Jack the Ripper.....be circumspect about your lodging, be sure you meet in a public place, don't split the sheets with him right off the bat...and so on and so on and so on. If he turns out to be Prince Charming In The Flesh, then all you have done is made sure you were safe and you can go forward through the steps of getting to know each other in person with more comfort.
Good luck - I hope it works out for you.
2006-08-03 03:29:56 · answer #2 · answered by two 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st of all how old is he and how old r u?? if he doesn't live in ur area then no i definitely wouldn't go see him?? u have no idea what's waiting for u when u get off that plane!!
don't u watch the news about people being lured and killed.. be extremely careful when meeting people online..
ur communicating via e-mail so how do u know if anything he is saying is true?? and his kidz, why r u worried bout them-that's his concern not urs.. r u tryna have a relationship w/this person?? if so i suggest u meet someone that lives within ur reach..
now if u still want to meet him and be his friend, let him come to u.. and meet in a public place, don't let him stay w/u, and make sure u bring company...
good luck..
2006-08-03 03:20:41 · answer #3 · answered by Queen D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend that I have known for 5 years but never met. She is married with children, we cyber, talk about all kinds of stuff. We plan on meeting when I get back to the states simply to satisfy our curiosity. That might be our only time meeting but our curiosity will be satisfied and we won't have to go on wondering.
2006-08-03 03:20:09 · answer #4 · answered by makeherwett 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is sad that the two of you haven't met yet.
I met my man through net ans we are going to be married soon. We met through a dating website and used MSN Messenger for about three weeks. From there we started to talk on the phone and with just a few day of talking he wanted to came and see me in person. We lived about 780km or about a 12hr drive from one another but the didn't stop him. So he cam up for the weekend and went on from there. We ended up living together 3 months later along with my kid and his two kids. If it is worth meeting this guy I would do it soon or move on - that is if you have feeling for him. Split the trip costs. Good luck.
2006-08-03 03:30:25 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my answer to you is that if you feel comfortable to meet him and his children do it and have fun with them all. If you are not ready don't go to see him get him to come to you and then you can visit them when you get the courage to do it. It is hard to meet some one for the first time and especially if they have children as you don't know if you can handle them. Talking to some one on the net is totally different to meeting them in real life as you are more at ease to talk to them as they can't see you unless you have a web cam.
2006-08-03 03:46:23 · answer #6 · answered by debbie_dixon19 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have to fly somewhere I don't know if that's a great idea. It would be better if you could meet someone in your area so you guys could meet at a neutral place. I guess if you trust him and want to pursue a relationship then you could fly out there. Just dont give him the details of your flight or hotel so you can have a safe haven if he turns out to be a creep.
2006-08-03 03:19:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if he sounds safe and things are not umcomfortable around with him, I mean via phone and stuff then what is the problem, go meet him in person. If he were to pay it would be better but if not what can you do??? Don't worry abut his children if your sweet to them it will be fine just worry about the baby mama being too much in his business and trying to get into yours...Good luck and don't worry things never are as bd as you think they will be...
2006-08-03 03:19:20 · answer #8 · answered by lasugarfree 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have corresponded for years,its worth the trip. But maybe not as far as staying with him. Find a good hotel near to where he lives,and visit him first in a public place.
2006-08-03 03:19:06 · answer #9 · answered by onelonevoice 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did it and Ive been married to him for 6 yrs, if you decide to go, meet in a public place that way its a little safer and dont go alone take a friend with you.
2006-08-03 03:20:56 · answer #10 · answered by Missy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋