I'm going through a sitiuation I don't wish anyone. I went through a really bad phase and my so helped me. My wife and I are presently living with my son and will be like that for a few months. Then, I'll be able to settle my life again. Of course, this is a beautiful example of a young adult (he's 26) helping his parents in a moment of difficulty. But unfortunately my son doesn't love us, since teen years he's been extremely resentful of us. We believed in discipline, in rules and we had to be hard on him, because he got in trouble.. In his teen years he hated us and didn't change when became an adult. He never got over what happened. We have a daughter who would alsp help us if she could, but presently she can't. We asked for his help and were surprised he said OK. But he shows his resentment everyday, keeps saying how bad we were and how he helps us yet. I'm grateful, we owe him a lot but it's a kinda sad situation. I'm really humiliated and above all sad.
2006-08-03 02:25:10 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well...maybe it's time for some serious fence mending. You admittedly were hard on him..but you offer some explanation as to why. Does he admit to being a handful or is he in denial?
Do you think he might have been a problem because of you..and not in spite of you????
I'd suggest family counseling. Maybe that'll help bring you together.
OR..a deeper darker truth could emege and make it even worse.
So..if you really think you did your best..and that he's just not seeing that...then go for the couseling. If, however, after some looking into the mirror, decide that maybe he's got a point..maybe we were bad; then a trip down memory lane will serve no purpose but to open old wounds. In that case..make the best of the situation..try and get along and maybe things wil work out.
2006-08-03 02:33:29 · answer #1 · answered by mark c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He resents you because he's been acting like the parent by being responsible and supporting himself while you've been acting like the child requiring his assistance to live, going through a bad patch and robbing him of his childhood.
Step 1: Get you life together. If you don't have a job, get one...your wife too. Then get out of his space. You'll be surprised how far that goes in repairing the situation.
Step 2: Apologize and tell him what you learned and where you went wrong.
2006-08-03 09:31:47 · answer #2 · answered by Brand X 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think he hates you that much if he let you stay with him. Obviously he sympathizes for you to help in the first place.
You might have to just come out and ask him "What do you want from us, what will make you stop being so resentful?"
Does he have a good life now? Well that could be because you were so hard on him... It is your job to be tough on your children and raise them to reach their full potential. That is what parents do.
I wish I could help you more, but just see what is really bothering him and what you can do to end this tension. Forgive and Forget.
2006-08-03 09:36:09 · answer #3 · answered by praehunter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him. Let him know exactly how you feel...pretty much what you just told us. If it's too hard to talk to him, write a letter that way you can get your point across without him interrupting or walking away from the conversation. Explain the reason for the tough love!
2006-08-03 09:31:08 · answer #4 · answered by sweetestthing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids don't just hate their parents for being tough on them. Any parent worth their salt will be tough on various occasions.Try to talk to him. From what you are saying, he sounds disrespectful and resentful. This might be your one chance to make amends with him. Ask if he will go places with you. Try to talk to him, in a loving non judge mental sort of way. Maybe he would agree to counseling, if you agreed to go with him.
2006-08-03 09:40:57 · answer #5 · answered by kayboff 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek some help from Social Service. And get away from your miserable son. If you discipline in the past, obviously you were right because he took you in. Now he is trying to be manipulative in trying to convince you that you were wrong in your teen yrs about him. He's actually sublimanarily convincing you he's good. Don't feel bad ignore his stupid azz and in the meantime seek help from social service. you can email me direct if you like. i had to seek help from them when i found out i had cancer, but thank God i am okay now so far so good. (smile)
2006-08-03 09:51:58 · answer #6 · answered by renosgirl2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should all talk about his problems! And I do mean HIS! If you hadn't done a decent job at raising him, he wouldn't be helping you out right now... bring that up and see what he has to say!
2006-08-03 09:34:13 · answer #7 · answered by MadMaxx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋