They are always picking on each other and when I try to step in,they say mean things about me.Of course,they apologize later,but it still hurts my feelings.Would the mental health be able to figure out why they are so angry or would something else work instead.I never spank my kids,because my ex used to paddle them and left bruises on my son.I have custody of them now,and keep trying to show them that violence isn't the answer for anything.
2006-08-03 01:14:18 · 19 answers · asked by kikasman 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Yes, they could use some therapy (counseling). They are still very angry (understandably) and you are doing the right thing, but you do have to let them know they can't walk all over you, because when they get older, if you have no control, you'll be lost and so will they. No matter what has happened to them, kids NEED discipline. It's called humanization. If you don't control them now, they will pay a very high price for it later (jail, educational problems, job misconduct). But keep loving them like you do and thank you for being a good person (the world needs more of you). take care.
2006-08-03 01:22:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a boy, but me and my little brother used to argue all the time. It got to the point where my mom never wanted to leave us somewhere together without her because she knew that we would argue. My mom used to spank us, but it never worked and we got used to the licks so it didn't hurt anymore. One day she just let us go at it. After about an hour (honestly, that's how long it took) we realized that mom wasn't there to break us up. We found her in the kitchen just sitting there. She told us that she was tired of us arguing all the time and from now on she wasn't going to step in it anymore and if we fight, we fight. After that we hardly ever argued and still today we hardly ever have a time when we need to so much as raise our voices at one another. I guess it was all about the attention. Whatever it was, it's over and it might work for you.
2006-08-03 10:34:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My brother and I were the same way growing up. And now my two boys are very rough when they play. They get mad, hit, and push and I'll tell them to stop. If it gets bad, I just seperate them for a while and we all have quiet time. But, this is very normal. Children are very immature and no matter how small the argument may seem, to them it's a big deal. So, just try to let it roll off your back, and don't let their words hurt your feelings. Remember, they don't realize the importance of what they are saying, b/c they are so young. They don't know any better, and I'm sure their intentions were not to hurt your feelings. My boys say hurtful things sometimes, but I don't let it bother me b/c I know they don't mean it, and they don't understand what they are saying. Good luck!
2006-08-03 06:02:06 · answer #3 · answered by amyvnsn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If when you try to intervene, and they yell mean things to you, then you have a serious problem. Your boys should show respect to you. First earn their respect. Also why violence as a discipline doesnt solve much, maybe you can come up with something to teach them a lesson that ISNT a punishment. Maybe after they start talking to each other, things will work out better. Best of luck to you!
2006-08-03 03:14:21 · answer #4 · answered by Jenna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Disciplining a child when needed is not violence but your boys are too old for any type of spanking. Put them in their room with no television, games, toys, computers etc. Explain to them why they are being punished. I raised 3 boys myself & I know it's not easy but they must be punished for that type of behavior & plz don't feel badly about their comments ... one day they may come back & thank you as my oldest son did with me. Children learn from what they see with their mothers, fathers or other caretakers. Definitely get some mental health help.
2006-08-03 01:23:27 · answer #5 · answered by Kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have 2 that are about the same age length apart. They fight constantly also. I have made up my mind to just let them fight it out. I don't let them cry to me or tattle on the other one afterwards. I ask them why they were fighting, and make them explain it to me. Most of the time they realize that it's stupid and apologize. If you make them work it out themselves they learn alot more. I tell mine to take it outside, just don't bring any blood back in the house with them! They look at me like I'm nuts and then go back to playing. It's great therapy for you too.
I did the same thing with my older brother. We fought all the time, and now that we are grown we are pretty close.
My mom used to threaten us with kissing each others bare bottoms! That worked really good! We quit PDQ!!
2006-08-03 09:33:07 · answer #6 · answered by Motherof2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you tried to speak to them on their level not as a parent but as a friend and try and enjoy each other company ( a common interest like sport or the park and it has to be regular not just the odd weekend when you have time (make time!)), it helps to have a confidant if they have been abused by a parent figure ( they may have a lot more underlying issues than they show), do try and be a friend, as well as a role model, you will have to be patient as this is going to take a lot of time and effort on your part.
but try to keep focused and start a diary for their progress, but don't let them walk over you.
i hope for all of your sakes it works out.
2006-08-03 01:31:42 · answer #7 · answered by lee w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too late. If the ex paddled (which by the way is a crime in all 50 states) they have already learned how to handle themselves through violence. It will most likely escalate later in life. thats how bullys are born. They need counselling and so does your EX!
2006-08-03 02:03:17 · answer #8 · answered by Brian J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids are kids and they are gonna fight but you are the one that is in control if you don't spank your kids put them in time-out and seperate them or take away something they like.....personally i think that when the say bad things about you they need there butt spanked!!
Me and my sister we are only 15 months apart and we fought over everything I hated more when i was sat on the couch and i could'nt do anything than getting a spankin....... so do what you think is best but your need to let them know that you are in control and spankin's arn't always bad but beatings are!!!
good luck and ps. me and my sister grew out of fighting all the time
2006-08-03 01:30:40 · answer #9 · answered by Groover_84 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is called Sibling rivalry. It occurs in many families, but gets really unbearable sometimes.
There are some herbs which can be given to them without any harm, to make them tolerate each other. Ofcourse, they both may need different herbs, depending upon their personalities. These herbs are available online in some Pharmacies and cost about $10 for a months' treatment. Please write, if you are interested in getting the details.
2006-08-03 03:37:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋