I'M A father of a 5 yr old.....and need a lil help.....(parent only)?

Question

i'm 30, divorcee and well my ex-wife's dead.........so well, my daughter's 5 and really cute i love her but i've been leaving her in a creche from 9 to 3 then a babysitter picks her and keeps her till 8 in the night(the girl and her friendz just stay @my place) thats OK but the thing is my daughter just doesn't consider me very special...........i leave her in the mornings when she is half - asleep and come back when she just knows i'm someone.....she even took to calling me uncle!! What do i do??????? i'm scared she'll grow up to ignore me or atleast be insecure. i love her and want to be with her but i gotta work since i'm not rich..............Can any of u parents help me???

i'm so sorry--by the girl i meant the babysitter

i read the 1st 2 answers and have to add..........firstly,.my office is far from my place and too much for a 16 yr old babysitter to bring my daughter to me...............then, i always bring her chocs and things like that, but i told u i'm not rich....can't afford something everyday...........though i try, i'm an IT proffesssional............i take her to the beach on sundays and places like that........but she stays distant as if she is scared of me!

Answer 1

How devastating! Poor little thing! Were the mother and her close? How recent is this situation? I understand having to work, because you are the single parent. But seriously cut back on your work hours! Are you saying you are working 12 hour shifts Monday to Saturday? 72 hour work weeks? There are labour laws about that. You CAN cut back. Look at your weekdays and see what awake hours you can spend with her. What about lunch time? You should aim to be at home by no later than 6 pm or 7pm during the week on some of those nights. You should be able to swing it on weekends for sure. You are her Dad. Look at the bigger picture. Do you want to be her Dad or just someone who drops in? You are going to have to put your own needs/wants aside and focus on your daughter. You have your daughter's best interests. No babysitter can replace that. She needs YOU. She is only 5 years old. My son is 5 years old. He is very dependent on me. You brought her into this world. Take care of her!

Answer 2

There isn't a massive age change among 14 and 17, however there's a big adulthood change. It does not topic how mature you're in your age, or how immature he's for his. 14 and 17 are simply on one-of-a-kind planets. At 14 you haven't any grownup privileges, since you're not anything greater than a youngster. At 17 you'll be able to force, paintings, pay taxes, marry and become a member of the army with parental consent. In a couple of months he's going to be an grownup. You are a lot more a youngster than grownup and he's a lot more grownup than youngster. I realize it's difficult, however relationship in teenaged years are complicated. People difference and mature at one-of-a-kind charges, making big age corporations intricate for the duration of this interval. Sometimes even relationship anyone a yr older or more youthful is an excessive amount of proper now. Not since of age gaps, however since on the adulthood stages. The age of consent in so much locations is sixteen. Him being 17 and also you being 14 creates a robust battle. If anybody discovered he was once even spanking your however, making out with you, or doing ANYTHING sexual it might be the tip for him. And individually i do not consider that is reasonable in a courting . Relationships are all approximately being capable to be intimate and almost a lover, that's why it is nice to this point in authorized a long time that manner you'll be able to accomplish that. You do not desire to break his lifestyles over this. So my recommendation in the event you Truly love each and every different, wait a yr till you are sixteen. I imply if it is particularly going to determine it is going to whilst you are extra mature and authorized. I may not bounce to the belief that he is when you for intercourse, however he's with you for a courting. And with relationships come sexual emotions and strain to fill the ones wishes. So it will occur (good out of your paragraph adding oral intercourse it's already going down) however it is simply now not authorized.

Answer 3

How long do YOU work? Maybe you can cut down on your working hours and spend the evenings with your daughter. Secondly, I suggest you move a little closer to your place of work so you can come home in case of an emergency. Being rich doesn't have anything to do with the amount of time and the quality of time you spend with her. Don't tell me you work 7 days a week that you can't spend the weekend with her. This age of 5 is the most precarious age for your daughter because 1-7 years is the formative years and you don't know what the sitter and her friends do when you're not home. If you have relatives like your mom or sister - I suggest you try to have them over when you're not home so they can monitor what the sitter does. Yes, you're daughter will call you uncle if you don't spend more quality time with her.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. A lot of people have the same problem. Do you have time with her at the weekend? Is there no way that you could cut back on work just a little, so that you at least get 2 evenings a week with her(you'd save the money you'd spend on the babysitter)? Money is important, but when your daughter looks back at her childhood in the future, she won't remember many of the material things, but the time she got to spend with her Daddy(or the lack of it!!!). Your relationship with her is so important, especially since you are her only parent left!

Answer 5

I know you said you're not rich, but I can tell that your daughter means the world to you...you're going to have to change things. I know it can be hard.

Can you move closer to work to be home sooner? Can you afford to work a few less hours? Can you look for a job closer to your home? Is there anything you can cut from your budget to help financially to be able to work less? Soon she'll be in school for a full day and maybe you can get a good paying day job, or a job that only has you work 1 or 2 nights a week and the rest days...or midnights-you'd be sleeping while she's in school, up with her until she goes to sleep, and at work while she sleeps.

To help her feel more special...set aside a day every week and tell her that it's going to be a day for just the two of you...and stick to it every week. Spend that entire day with her and let her pick what to do for the day, or at least part of it.

Good luck, and stay strong.

Answer 6

I went through sort of the same thing with my kids.

I haul concerts for a living, so when my kids were growing up they seen very little of me, even though I called home every night. They would call me by my first name, call me their sister, or call me Auntie Lynn. It sucked and it hurt, but they had the very best of everything and they are now both in college paid for by the days, weeks and months I was gone.

One day I went to pick my son up from the first grade and the teacher asked him if it was OK for him to leave with me.

You simply have to give it time. Spend all of the time you can with her and when she calls you Uncle tell her no, im daddy. Don't say it in a harsh tone, say it in a playful tone, so she finds it fun to say and to do. DO NOT TRY TO BUY HER LOVE!! You will live to regret that.

Do fun things with her when you can. Remember she is 5. What is fun to you may not be fun to her. Let her pick the activity.

You are doing the very best you can for her. When she gets older she will understand that.

You may also want to ask her and find out where she got the idea to call you uncle. Kids do not usually come up with things on that alone.

Good luck, I know you will both be well.

Answer 7

You just make the best of what time you have together... I completly understand the having to work... Explain to her daddy has to work and she will start to understand it as she gets older. Take that extra 5 mins to tuck her in at night, even if it means reading her a story over and over. Call and check on her in the evenings and ask to talk to her.. Maybe at the same time everyday that way she knows.. (example) Ok, Dora is on, daddy is gonna call soon... and ya dont have to buy her alot of stufff... you could get a coloring book and just bring in a page a day, or buy a pack of gum and she gets a stick of gum certain days of the week... It will all work out.. just keep that schedule as consistant as possible..

Answer 8

Kids do strange things.. don't try to buy her love. Don't buy her chocolates or whatever else you've been doing on a regular basis. That shows her you're the guy who is going to buy her things. You need to tell her you love her, and really you CAN get shorter hours.. I am a single mother of two daughters and have NEVER had to leave them for that long.. I would suggest either going to part-time, if you can afford it.. or getting a different job where you don't have to work so much. It's not THAT expensive to raise ONE child.

Answer 9

See things from the child's perspective:

She does not have her mother any more.
Her father leaves her with strangers from 9 in the morning till 8 at night (her entire walking hours).

She just does not know you. YES you are doing your best for her but it is you who will have to work harder at this relationship.

Children are very receptive to vibes. Be there when she opens her eyes in the morning and personally bathe her, give her her breakfast and do just about every single thing you can for her. Talk to her continuously in the car and even though it will leave no room for your own personal social life at all till you baby is secure in your love spend every free moment with her.

You do love her but you have to work .
she will understand this give her time and always show her your feelings. Hug and kiss her even if she pushes you away at first.

All the best.

Answer 10

Scale down, if you own a large home, sell it buy a small home closer to your work. If you own a small home sell it and rent a apartment close to your work. If you live in a big apartment scale down to a smaller one...... Either way 11 hours in the day w/o daddy is to long. You work in IT, I say try to find another job which is more flexible, and closer. These are just a few examples of what you could do to fix the situation, THE ONLY THING TO MAKE IT BETTER IS TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH HER.

Answer 11

Honey, you do your best, so stop kicking yourself about it. A girl needs her food on the table and education, and there is only that much a single parent can do. You are being responsible by earning and taking care - so relax you are special. Try and make your holidays fruitful with her. Take her to simple places, see her school concerts, on weekends let her stay up late and tell her stories, Sundays wake her sweetly - you can do it. You are my kind of guy. Take Care